Military Sexual Trauma
The amount of our military members and veterans dealing with military sexual trauma is sickening. According to the DAV 1 in 4 women and 1 in 100 men in the VA healthcare system have survived military sexual trauma. That doesn't even account for those still serving such as US Army Specialist Tori Adams. We will discuss her story, how her chain of command reacted during the reporting process and handling rumors while still serving.
Guest Links:
Transcript from Episode 25 with Tori Adams:
Keith McKeever 0:03
Buddy with Keith McKeever. Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of battle buddy podcast. I have Tory with me today. And she's going to share a story that is really, really personal. It's really, really deep. So I felt like his best thing to do is get a little bit of a trigger warning, we're gonna talk about military sexual trauma today. So if that's something that you don't want to hear, maybe skip this episode. But just just be aware that that's what we're talking about. If you are somebody who has experienced that, and you haven't reported or we want to, I'm going to keep the scrolling at the bottom of the page, you can go to sapper.mil backslash victim dash assistance, that'll be in the the YouTube as well. So you can find information there about ways that you can report things. If you're still in the military. You know, you have classes on this all the time. So I know you know where to go, but just go seek help and get it. So we'll bring Torian welcome Sora. Hey, how's it going? Good. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for kind of getting my trigger warning already. But go ahead and introduce yourself and what your story was how you ended up in the military.
Tori Adams 1:09
Sure. So hi, I'm Tory, I've been in the US Army Reserves going on eight years, almost nine now. Um, I enlisted in February of 2013. I was a sophomore at the University of Alabama. And I kind of just realized I wanted something a little bit bigger than myself. I felt on some ways, I've been handed a lot of things my whole life. And I really wanted to join an organization that was physically challenging, mentally challenging, rewarding in ways that I felt like I wasn't really being rewarded in school. And so here I am, eight, almost nine years later, still loving it. And I guess if you'd asked me back when I enlisted, if, if I thought it would be as a mentally challenging as I thought I'd say yes, but definitely in different ways. So
Keith McKeever 2:08
that's totally understandable. You never know where those challenges are gonna come from. And, but University of Alabama, that's a I'm gonna hold my comments on that. Just Just kidding. Anyway, you know, I'm just kidding. We connected a long time ago. And as it seems like forever ago now, actually on tick tock of all places, I was scrolling through one night, and it was probably like your fourth or fifth video where you were talking about military sexual trauma will happen to you. And of course, I was immediately I was like, I gotta go back to Story number one, and I gotta, I have to listen the whole thing through. I think I sent you a couple of messages. I was like, hey, you know, if you're comfortable with this, I want to have you on the podcast to talk about this, because this is a unfortunately, it's an under talked about topic. We know that this happens so frequently. to women and men, like gift get the most, I mean, you know, it's not unfortunately,
Tori Adams 3:05
mutually exclusive to women. It stems no boundaries. So
Keith McKeever 3:10
unfortunately, that part's not talked about it. We don't even talk about military sexual trauma when it comes to women, let alone when it comes to men. But you know, you've you've got quite a story, and I wanted to bring in and let you kind of share your story. And then we've talked previously, so I have a few follow up questions, see different things. But go ahead and share your story. Yeah, a couple of part anyway.
Tori Adams 3:34
Yeah, um, I'll paraphrase is kind of long. If you want to find me on like, tick tock, I have, I think it's like a 50 some odd part series on there. Unfortunately, tick tock is definitely not the place, or at least at the time, was not a good place to share it because you had a minute to talk
Keith McKeever 3:53
about it. A lot of short little segments. Yeah.
Tori Adams 3:57
I've got the three minute feature. And I'm like, I waited a few months.
Keith McKeever 4:02
I work a lot at
Tori Adams 4:03
segments instead of one. But yeah, long story short, paraphrased edition. A colleague of mine, who happened to also be married to one of my soldiers, who was also my friend essentially tricked me into showing up my colleagues house, thinking that it was the wife who is my friend had invited me, when in reality, she had no idea it was coming over. She was not even expecting a guest. She was actually not even in the room at the time. And that's kind of where some of the, you know, fuckery, so to speak, kind of started going on, you know, we just a lot of, you know, hands being put in places that they didn't want to insistence that I kiss them and, you know, if I didn't, if I didn't, if I didn't, it would continue and if I did end up kissing them, they'd stop. You know, I was basically like, you know, saying no, Things turned a little bit violent when my back was turned. And like I mentioned in a, I guess a later part of my videos, probably part 15 or 16, I guess that it's a long series. When I was finally leaving their residents, the my assignment followed me to my vehicle, and basically proceeded to finish the act. And at the end of it, he was like, Well, you're not gonna say anything, right? This was this was all good. Because, you know, eventually you stop saying no. And that's kind of what I want to highlight on. Ladies and gentlemen, just because someone stopped saying no, after repeatedly saying no, does not mean that all of a sudden means yes. And that's one of the things I really struggled with afterwards is because I had stopped insisting that my space is my space. And, you know, you needed to stop that, I felt that somehow I still brought it on myself. And I waited a little bit to report, it's a big thing, you know, making the decision to ultimately invade your own privacy. And you already have no peace of mind, because you've just suffered a traumatic thing. And realizing that it's going to change, like the whole dynamic of your, you know, your unit or your friendships with people within your unit, or even within your own chain of command. So the event in itself happened in March. And I didn't report until about May. And again, I'm a reservist. So it's not like I was seeing these people all the time. And I thought I'd be able to kind of get over it, and perform my job function to the best of my ability. But when I started to realize I couldn't even look my friend in the eye. Because the thought of being around her made me so uncomfortable, just knowing what her husband did to me. And the fact that when I had brought it to her attention, how he had been behaving around me previously, and the things the comments he would make towards me. And that that she basically been defending him being like always just joking, he'd never actually do it. He doesn't mean it. Like, why would you say such terrible things. And I realize now she was young and naive, and also at the time pregnant with his child. So she just don't think wanted to believe that that's the man she married was capable of doing that kind of stuff. Um, but eventually, honestly, what was the snapping and like, deciding factor in me also reporting to is the fact that she was trying to talk and shit about someone else who had reported her husband doing a similar thing to her. He had shared obviously with her a little bit like of what was going on, just because it does affect, you know, the marital dynamic. And she ran her mouth and was just like, she should keep her mouth shut, you know, she needs to mind your business. And I basically just told her, I was like, No, I support this person who's reporting there. Instead, she said, why? And I was like, because your husband's done the same shit to me, too. I was like, and you knew it, and I told you and you didn't want to believe it. So that same day, I went to my acting for starting at the time and was like, Hey, I know we just had the division, divisional Sark. In the army, that's basically the same thing as like sapper. It's your, your, your sharp, your sexual assault response coordinator. And I basically was like, we need to call them back. I know, they were just here, but I need I'd like to file a complaint. And I'm skipping battalion and company level, I want to go straight to the division.
Keith McKeever 8:19
You know, there were like, like, literally like a week before that or something, right? Like that weekend or something like that.
Tori Adams 8:24
Yeah, that weekend. So like, it was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday drill, because of just annual trainings, and one of which being sharp. And because there's had been already such instances of of issues being reported within the companies in our battalion, the division had come out deciding, like, Hey, we're going to have a division event. Basically saying, this is our policy. We don't tolerate it. And so I yeah, I skipped basically every step on that ladder. I was like, I have no interest in going to a company or battalion level, or even brigade I want to speak to the division. And within 24 hours, I was within, like, in contact with our divisional representative. And we started the ball rolling. Yeah,
Keith McKeever 9:10
yeah. And that is definitely a much shorter version than 50 Something things on Tik Tok. But
Tori Adams 9:16
no, I felt like the viewers deserved a paraphrased version. Rather than me sitting here for probably an hour and a half.
Keith McKeever 9:24
We could have been here forever at that rate, but
Tori Adams 9:26
exactly. Oh, we got that kind of time. It's, it's no no,
Keith McKeever 9:29
no, we yeah, we all got things to do. Eventually. We got to eat dinner. Go to bed, right? Yeah. So people could definitely go find you on Tik Tok, and they could fill in all the gaps, but that definitely hits everything from what I remember. And that was months ago, too. But yeah, I remember. There were all that because, like I said, as I was going through it, I was like, man, and you're not the only person I've talked to you about military sexual trauma to them. Like let's share this story. Like it's it's So it's infuriating. And like I saw a statistic once I can't remember where it was, but just sexual harassment at the VA, that like one in four women that go into a VA facility are sexually harassed. What before they get in there? Yeah. And I had this conversation like a week ago with somebody off offline. And they she brought up some good points I never thought about before on that, that that's a little bit obviously sexual harassment. But it Divya, you have some older gentlemen, not to make excuses for but there are generational differences. Terms like sweetie, honey, you know, those things that come out of their miles could be interpreted wrong by some people when they may or may not be harassment driven. That's everybody's own opinion. Right? I mean,
Tori Adams 10:48
no. And I and I agree, I think you have to look at some ways, you know, a generational difference. But when it's someone who's like falling, I think within the same generation is you. Yeah, that's that that definitely start being more cognizant of like how they need it.
Keith McKeever 11:01
Yeah, I don't think you should ignore it, period. But you should be like, okay, where I was? Was it just a comment as I came in? Or was it more I don't know. That's for everybody to kind of determine, but when you just look at the fact that that's just sexual harassment, just walking through the doors of the building, it should point a pretty clear picture, that sexual harassment the way women are treated, military, sexual trauma, all of that, we'll just throw it all in one big pie is a problem. Like
Tori Adams 11:29
it's a systemic problem. Yeah. And it's and it's because I think we we talk about these classes, and we go through the motions, but you know, how many times have you sat in training where they they rushed you through the slides being like, oh, everyone knows this? Right? Okay, let's check the bubble. A part is having a real conversation about it, and why it's important that this training actually is like, taken seriously.
Keith McKeever 11:54
The sad part is, there's people that are doing the right thing, they're not violating anything. And you know, for them, like they could just blow through it, but who's sitting in that room that's either guilty, or is sitting there holding on to something deep in their, their hearts and their minds that has happened to them? And all that pain, just like yourself? Like, you know, I can't imagine sitting there listening be like,
Tori Adams 12:17
Oh, I mean, I, I,
Keith McKeever 12:18
this is me, and everyone else, I know what to do, but like, you know, I can't like I did well, and I think must be freezing up. Oh, I'm sorry, no, no, I'm talking like just freezing the person up sorry. Of like, like, just to sit there and just listen to that. And know, like, be put in your face again, of like, how you report it and what the process is. And it to be kind of like frozen in your own shell of like, I've got this secret. I've got this story. This thing happened to me. But I am too frozen physically. To go, you know, to say something about it. Because it's going reported?
Tori Adams 12:53
Well, yeah. And of course, then having that mentality of like, confliction, where you want to say it, but you see how like your own organization treats the training. And you're like, well, now I can't because they they make a joke out of it. I can't tell how many times like we'd see that stupid. And at the time, I you know, before, before it happened to me, I was like that T video is so dumb, where it's like, It's so cheesy, and so 1980s. And it's like, if she doesn't want the tea, you don't give her the tea. She doesn't want to drink it doesn't want to have it, she does want to hold it no tea. And I was like, you know, naive and young. And I would be I would laugh at it. Because I was like, That's so stupid. Why would they use that tea analogy? And I guess then today, it's like, it doesn't matter what the analogy is like this. The topic is serious. And you know, now older, wiser and more traumatized. But uh, you know, the the training, regardless of how cheesy it is it you know, it has its purpose. And if people would take it seriously, no matter how silly the instructional tools are used. Maybe people would feel like they can actually, like, have open and honest conversation about what's a chronic problem within the military.
Keith McKeever 14:05
And you're like, it shouldn't be that hard to have an open, honest conversation about it. Because if you join the military, unless you're that, like 1% that joins the military at 17. You're an adult. But there's a few people of that age but but generally speaking like you're all adults, differing levels of professionalism, maybe. But you should be able to have open communicate discussions about different things. I mean, you do hard things in the military anyway. It's just a hard lifestyle. You. You have all the other mental games that leadership plays and just being in the military does all that stuff. Think thank goodness, I'm not still in. I don't know how you do it. But yeah, well, you're close to 10 years. So you got a big decision maker eventually, right? Yeah,
Tori Adams 14:53
I'm there. Yeah,
Keith McKeever 14:54
you're you're close enough. It's it's that tipping point for everybody but yes, not a It's one of those topics that I just don't know why we haven't moved closer to it being less taboo to talk about. And you know, there's probably an argument to be made to some of those videos can be updated a little bit more, it just be point freakin blank. Like I say we're all adults, right? Like just call, call it like it is don't use code words. So but you know, after after you reported everything. I'm kind of curious how, how was the attitude of your chain of command? During that process? It hasn't changed at all? I know the answer. But for the listeners and the viewers. Oh,
Tori Adams 15:38
that's funny. That's a good one. Um, so when I finally reported, I be very following battle assembly, which was like, the next month, I had to sit down with my battalion commander, who proceeded to be like, I'm so sorry, this happened to you. I'd like to start a parallel investigation, because you mentioned drinking at a training event. I need you to rat everybody out who was drinking to include yourself, give me a sworn statement, because now we're going to open up a parallel investigation on you and the drinking. And I was like, but the drinking occurred six months before I got assaulted. How does a US drinking at an event that was not unit sponsored? correlate to me being violently assaulted six months later? No, sir, I will not. I will not write a sworn statement on something that has no relevance to my case.
Keith McKeever 16:34
I don't know what's more concerning the two things that are unrelated. Or apparently, the commander was more concerned with underage drinking than military sexual trauma. Well, the
Tori Adams 16:47
thing is, like, with the exception of one person in that group, everyone was over the age of 21. So it's not even like, we were doing something we weren't supposed to be with the exception of it being like in a in a barracks. We had clear instructions from our instructors that after hours, if you wanted to go get drunk or do whatever, as long as you showed up by 7am, the next day for class, they didn't care what you did, as long as you were over the age of 21.
Keith McKeever 17:16
There's a lot of other shenanigans going on. And in the barracks or dorms or, or tents or whatever, you know, whatever branch you're in, or whatever the Coast Guard does. But you know, there's more concerning things and underage drinking going on there.
Tori Adams 17:32
Just drinking in general, especially if it's like one person's underage, and everyone else is 23 and older, like, what's the real concern like the 119 year old in the group, who didn't drink or like the, you know, the fact that it's like, that's what you're choosing to go after, versus the fact that like, the person who assaulted me was also in the group of people who had been drinking at the time six months ago.
Keith McKeever 18:00
Yeah, it's pretty concerning. But they were more had their eye over here, when it over here, like there's
Tori Adams 18:06
one instance of a lot, because we were getting ready to go to annual training. And so I was there to help my section because I work in an ass shop, get ready. And part of my job is going through the motor pool to get to our cages, where all of our equipment was being stored. And my assailant was the motor sergeant. And at the time, he was still there. Even though he was supposed to have been removed from our facility, I had a military order of protection out against him. He couldn't be within 500 feet of me, he was still on the same property as me. And my acting first Sergeant's like opinion at the time was, well, and Adams, you just stay inside, you get the other privates in your section to do all the work. And that way, you don't bother him so that he can do his work. And I was like, Well, I have to work too. And I'm the one who didn't do anything wrong. So why does my work and why I'm here on orders weeks before we're supposed to go to 80 have to be the the work that suffers when I'm when I am the victim here. Well, he has more important things to do than us, so you shouldn't get in his way.
Keith McKeever 19:14
Well, I was thinking when you're sharing that I'm like, that must have that your job was not as important as his. Yep, I knew I knew you were going there. So how was his leadership? Well, you're in a different unit now. Correct?
Tori Adams 19:28
No, actually, I'm still so when I deployed, I got transferred to a different unit. But then once my deployment ended, they sent me right back to the unit I consulted in.
Keith McKeever 19:37
So do you have new new leadership now and how do they? How does their outlook on military sexual trauma appear to be how do they interact with you? Is it different? Is it better I hope?
Tori Adams 19:50
Honestly, it's like hard to say because they claim they have like a zero tolerance policy. They claim that like anything that could be conceived as like MSP or just Sharp or anything in general is like not tolerated at all.
Keith McKeever 20:04
Well, that is the company line, right the Army's
Tori Adams 20:09
but I can I can state that, like, I've had instances occur to me where I've been harassed in supply cages by someone who knows that I previously reported a sharp incident and like as they laughed after having, like, grabbed my ass being like, alright, don't sharp me now. And I was like, seriously, then why would you even touch me? Or I've had people within my own unit being like, we saw your tick tock series. Wouldn't want to be another tic tock story. So guess we're gonna stay away from you? And I'm like, Okay, why wasn't sharing what happened to me to like, cause problems. I'm sharing it because it happens. And this unit doesn't do shit about it. That's why,
Keith McKeever 20:53
and neither does arguably any other unit out there. Pretty gnarly. So so it was cross our fingers that there's at least a unit out there and some leadership out there somewhere to take initiative seriously. Like,
Tori Adams 21:06
but yeah, I mean, I guess to in terms of like this command, like, I've put in a promotion packet, probably once a quarter since they've taken lead. I still haven't been picked up for E five. And no one can tell me why. My name I thought you sent me in something when like it was my word involved. And now it's I get a lot of like, will trust but verify what she's saying. I mean, shoot, the unit I deployed with I was passed over and opportunities to go farther into theater. Because the commander was going around telling people, I'm not to be trusted. I'm a troublemaker, tell your soldiers to stay away from her. She's bad news. She's gonna tank the whole unit. And saying that, like my complaint was a lie. And unfounded even though by that point, he had been convicted. We're not We're not convicted. But like they had enough evidence to say that, like, it was myself and at least five other women that this guy had assaulted. All within the same organization.
Keith McKeever 22:13
One is bad, but five is a pattern. Yep. That's, that's a very clear pattern. That's That's ridiculous. So how have you handled? Because I know it's not just leadership, I know, it's other soldiers in your units, how have you handled the rumors, and the stuff that's being said, behind your back, knowing that it's being said,
Tori Adams 22:35
I'd like to say I try to keep my head head held high, and I ignore it. But there have definitely been times where if I catch someone saying something, I don't ignore them. And I have no problems telling them off at all. And I have the full backing of my platoon leader because he knows. And he's been one of the only people that's been very like zero tolerance about even like the gossip in the rumors. So basically, he's been like, if you hear it, he's like, I don't really care what you say. It's like he's as long as he's like, as long as other sexual leadership doesn't feel the need to try to counsel you. He's like, you can handle it however you want. If you choose to ignore it, that's fine. He's like, if you want to tell these tell these assholes off, he's like you have, he said, You have my permission to say whatever you want to however you want to say it and just let me know what way you go. So that's been pretty great.
Keith McKeever 23:26
Good for him.
Tori Adams 23:27
That's why I'm not getting promoted. But, uh, yeah, baby steps,
Keith McKeever 23:32
you know, at least you got that frontline supervisor that, you know, is looking out for you and believes you and, and I know, that's got to make the world of difference. It has,
Tori Adams 23:43
it definitely helps.
Keith McKeever 23:44
Because I know I look back on my time and I was a supervisor for a while and I had a couple of female troops and I had one that had some behavior issues that seemed to come up out of nowhere, and couldn't figure it out. And, you know, here I've been out 10 years now and doing this podcast and talking about these issues, it's become very clear to me that there was something going on. And if I was a betting man, I would put money on the fact that she was a victim of military sexual trauma.
It can change your behavior. It really does. Like yeah, she
was, you know, she's the kind of troop that was, I wasn't gonna say high speed to begin with, but you know, show up, do your job, you know, just there, you know, and then all of a sudden, it just, it was, you know, late, didn't have gear for getting things, not doing things when you're supposed to be done. It was like what is going on? And as a supervisor, I'm getting fire breathing down my neck of like, what's going on with your troop? And it's like, I don't know, you know, I would try and talk to her. Completely seize up. It's like, you know, I'm your supervisor. You know, let me know What's going on? And let's like work through this, right, so you could show up on time, like have your gear like, it seemed like it was just that. But all these years later, I can't help but to think that had to be something way deeper than that. And I don't know why my mind never went there, that somebody would have done something to her beyond those trainings once a year, but nothing was ever pointed out, right that, like, is there somebody in your unit that's just all of a sudden had a change in their, their mentality? They're forgetting things, they're not showing up? Like all these different things like, that should be fine to somebody a red flag that there's something going on? Yeah. Like, and we just the sad part is everybody in leadership, we're just sitting there scratching our heads, like, I don't know, I don't know, what's up with her. Can you figure it out? She wouldn't tell though, buddy. Well, not you know, and it's the sad part where guys, I understand why she wouldn't want to come to another guy, you know, it'd be I probably wouldn't trust any guy after something like that. But, you know, and hopefully, I don't know where she's at now. Hopefully, she's gotten help that she needs and straighten her life out. But anyway, that's, that was my experience as an advisor side of it. And that's just it still kind of frustrates me to this day. Because, like, if that was the case, I really wish she would have told me, because then I could have, we could have figured it out. Like we could have went somewhere reported it I would have stood by my troop. 100%. Like, yeah, but I can also understand on the flip side, how you want to trust people, but
Tori Adams 26:37
Well, and that's thing too is like, honestly, like, the drama and just all the bullshit that it's kind of caused, like for me reporting there, there's a lot of days where I was like, I wish I never said anything like at all. Because it just caused a lot of unnecessary drama. And I feel like my career stagnated it, it took such a mental health toll that, like, you know, I've been I've tip toed the line between being, like considered too overweight, and all that kind of stuff. Because just the mental stress of it, like, it does weird shit to your body. And like your mentality and I, at one point, just to cope with it, I would just, I was like, I was, I mean, I was drinking hot, it was copious amounts of alcohol, just trying to like, basically make the memory of what happened, like go away. And you know, it doesn't but it affects your career and your performance and other ways. Because you know, someone who almost never drinks to then goat in animals every night. You put on weight, I don't want to work out because I'm like, if I'm ugly, or fat, or I'm this or I'm that maybe then like, I'm not going to be a target for someone who clearly thought I was like, sexy or whatever. Based on my looks on my personality, you know, it does a lot to you. Sometimes, like have a hard time coming back from it in some ways, I think, in some ways.
Keith McKeever 27:57
Yeah, totally makes sense. I mean, and that's definitely not a healthy way to kind of cope with things if you found other ways to to try and cope with things counselling. Yoga, I don't go yoga, and that's a big thing these days. It sounds like Boxing, boxing. Okay. All right. Okay, there we go.
Tori Adams 28:21
Boxing,
Keith McKeever 28:22
that's good. A great, great way to lessen frustration out right. Yeah, I love hitting things. Yeah, well, that's good. And you can do it by protecting your wrists and not breaking knuckles. That's always good. So you're sharp, represented representative want to talk about them? Because I know you've you've talked very positively about them and the whole process, you know, how did how did that go for you? And what kind of relationship did you have with them as they tried to help you?
Tori Adams 28:48
So like the divisional?
Keith McKeever 28:52
The guy who you know, I remember I you flew all the way out, or something like that, come see you and all
Tori Adams 28:57
day with he was awesome. So within a day, so like, my drill weekend was like a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And in May I think I called him like Sunday. By Monday. He was like I'm on an airplane. I'm coming to see you. I know I was just there. No worries. I'm turning around. I'm going to spend like a week we're gonna we're gonna talk through everything. I'm going to help you start filing the reports with Cid within like 24 to 48 hours and having spoken to him on the phone. He was on ground in Chicago. He was in my hometown we met for lunch we like kind of laid out just the first ground steps. The next day we met for coffee. And I started telling my story and everything that had happened and then by like the third day he had gotten like my special victims counsel, my lawyer online with me and she was brought in from like El Paso and so then the three of us sat down and like again went over everything like went over legally what we wanted to happen Within a day for day five, I had Cid down from Fort McCoy. And we were talking I was talking to to CID. Yeah, it was from start to finish within like me notifying him that something had happened to me like, within a week, everything was like up filed, reported and he was hounding them to fall out. He was repeatedly stayed in Chicago, I want to think for like a week or two week or two, I think, at my unit, getting statements from people in the unit to attest to this guy's character to attest to my character, in case someone tried to like, throw me under the bus or like trying to undermine what I went through. Once he found out what like my battalion commander was trying to do. He, again, on a plane within 24 hours of it with with the G one from my division, as well as my, the one star, like the head of my division, like the general flew out. And heads rolled.
Keith McKeever 31:02
That's exactly why
Tori Adams 31:03
outraged with how everything was being handled. And not only that, to like my case, got gossip throughout the entire battalion. So like, everybody knew, people who weren't even in my company knew, because someone ran their mouth, saying like, it was unfounded, I'm a liar. I'm a drama queen, I'm a slut. I'm all this stuff. And it just spread. And I've never seen that many people get relieved of a command so fast. But my company commander was HHC commander was relieved. The first start acting first started had been relieved of duty. The battalion commander was relieved on the spot. Anybody who hadn't in key leadership was removed and told basically, like, you can stay but you're no longer in a leadership role. Oh, by the way, you probably should think about retirement because you're not getting promoted, and you basically can't reenlist. And I was just floored within once Yeah, once he had been notified of all that, like, from start to finish, by the end of 80. Everyone who had basically either was like trying to railroad me, or was talking shit, or had been complacent in allowing a parallel investigation to try to be like, ran against me, or even thought it would be a good idea to put me and my wife in the same room together to try to have us talk it out. Because that was a suggestion
Keith McKeever 32:33
was remember that in your videos, I'm like, that is deaths. Just ridiculous. Like, wow, what are you going to talk? On talk what happened? Like,
Tori Adams 32:47
yeah, I was like, Oh, what was gonna change, she doesn't believe me. And I'm still now in her mind responsible for her life becoming like difficult. So
Keith McKeever 32:58
I'm sure difficult some understatement for how that ended up. But that's why I want to ask you about that, because it's an important part of your story. And it's a positive part of your story, right, having helped you need it chain of command getting, you know, having heads roll. You know, but the goal of my podcast is obviously, to let people know that inspiration and hope right, and there are some positivity now, I'd say. Having heads roll across leadership is probably not realistic in most cases. But I would hope that all of those coordinators, all of those advocates are sharp, you know, whatever it's called in each unit, like those people should be doing that kind of stuff for you. So people who are listening or watching If this has happened to you, and you haven't reported yet, just know that there are those people out there just saying once shooting the videos, right, that's their job. Let them come in and do what they can do to temper expectations. Like I said, they're probably not going to get heads to roll across the unit. But they could definitely be there for you get the ball rolling, get things happening, you know, I guess at the end of the day, it's everybody's own individual decision, you know, whether you want to do do one report or not but you know, if you if you don't that person, in my opinion in persons out there to do it again,
Tori Adams 34:14
pretty much I mean, that's I think, honestly, the ultimate goal is like you know, and I understand it's a really scary process. I mean, honestly, I you know, there's time where I didn't even know if I wanted to do it but ultimately kind of what came down to is if I had reported it, there's a good chance that he would have been allowed to keep doing it because you know, one person saying there's an issue questionable but once you start getting that second that third or in this case, you know up till five people to be like No, he's this is this has happened to me. same perpetrator. In some ways can like Spark and prompts not necessarily changed, but it brought divisional awareness to like my situation and That's how you can really ask for is is hoping that the right people listen and believe you and make it happen, but not that even that, but just like to know that out there, you know, you can find me on any social media and if you want to tell me like just confide, hey, I, you know, I understand like, I support you, I'm here for you. I'll listen, I know how it feels to feel like you're alone in it. And, you know, you're not. So
Keith McKeever 35:29
yeah, dude, we got to we all got to be battle buddies, right? I, I don't expect honestly anybody to reach out to me and in spill, spill the contents of their story. But, you know, reach out to Tory, you know, or if you're not comfortable reporting, like, there's those places that you can go, there's nonprofits out there, call them, get them, you know, at least take the mental health, you know, help that you that you can seek it on the outside on the download. So your chain of command doesn't have to know if you're still in, like, do what you got to do and kind of get your mind right, like, it's never going to be used. You're never going to go back in time to who you were before it happened, mentally, but you can't find the ways to tools and stuff like that, with a little bit of help of experts says that their area of expertise, but there's no way I can help with things like that, you know, it's just my counselor says about different things. Oh, you know, we can, there's always tools, right to like, figure out how to deal with things, right? Whether it's PTSD, anxiety, depression, military, sexual trauma, or, you know, whatever in between, like, talking to somebody else. It just you tell your story, they give you tips and advice on how to deal with things. So reach out to somebody, right? Find a battle buddy, somewhere to talk to.
Tori Adams 36:44
I mean, I feel like you got to otherwise you know, it's gonna eat you. And that's what we don't want it to eat you when it should be out there.
Keith McKeever 36:53
I couldn't agree more. Because we know, as we know, there's there's two pandemics going on in this world right now. One of them is a virus. The other one ends with people also being buried in the ground. And we don't want that. I mean, I've heard that those numbers are even higher. I think it takes a couple of years really to get full statistics on it, but I think we'll find it 2020 and 2021 numbers are going to be much higher than 22 a day. And if you were to really take active duty and say can you really accurately tell the veteran population? I don't know. But no matter what the number is, is just way too high. So you can't let that stuff just fester inside of you forever, forever and ever. I don't care what you're dealing with. Like don't let it fester. there's help out there. Get it somewhere. I'm speaking of advice. I had one one additional question for you. You had mentioned in a previous conversation that going through boot camp, your drill instructor said something to you and the other ladies in your unit. And I you know I'd like it if you'd share exactly what they said because I think it blew my mind to hear it. Was it it was a it was about about women about being a woman in uniform expectations.
Tori Adams 38:05
Okay, I didn't register with that. Cuz I was just like, that sounds like me. But basically, he was he was at goblin actually like the men around but he was like, privates listen up. He was like, and of course I walking by so I'm kind of stopping and I'm like listening because I'm like oh Rossy get some words of wisdom. Right? And? Well, there's two things I'll just say the two things. One was I had a drill instructor tell me and all the ladies because he took our driver's licenses, and was like looking at our civilian pictures. And basically he was telling you if you were hot or not before the army, that was one thing. And then the other thing that I had happened to me was this drill sergeant. Platoon or drill sergeant. That was that a it? And this was just the platoon sergeant calling all the gentlemen around, and he was like privates. Listen up. Get you a girl. If you're going to date the girl in the army, he goes get you a girl who is walking by you can see that her ass fills out those OCPs he's like, if you can, if you can clearly see her ass in this uniform. She is a keeper. And I'm like, I'm walking around and I'm like yeah. I was like, oh, oh, he's talking about me. Or people built like me. Wow, no secret. I'm more curvaceous than most and the uniform does not hide much. Let's put it that way even though it's supposed to. And I was just like, it didn't register with me until after the fact and I was like, Oh, damn, okay. Way to sexualize the uniform my guy but all right.
Keith McKeever 39:52
Yeah, that's yeah, that's That's why I asked that because it's like that's just the culture. And that's The fight has got to be against like,
Tori Adams 40:02
exactly.
Keith McKeever 40:05
Exactly. Perfect example of what not to do or not to say. I'm not saying that advice on relationships shouldn't happen at some point in time in the training phase, because we all know some people they get married in those phases to the stripper right off base. Yeah, right after they get the Mustang with the 17 and 18 30% interest, whatever, five and a half percent interest rate with the two wheels. You know, it's the full the full package with it, but
Tori Adams 40:37
because you know, they broke their private.
Keith McKeever 40:41
That's right. You can live in the, in the barracks, right.
Tori Adams 40:46
Right in front of the barracks?
Keith McKeever 40:47
Yep. Yeah, it's just a it's just a shame that just the culture, and I hope that it gets. I don't know, it's tough to say because I served, I was in Oh, six to 2011, you You joined in 2013. So I don't have you know, two different, not really different eras, but just, you know, slightly different time. I just hope in the back of my mind that things get better things get more understandable. But yeah, no, no, I guess if you look at the long term, I'm sure it's gotten better. But but with more, there's more and more women in the in the military now to know, if you look back in the 80s and stuff,
Tori Adams 41:28
you've got more people joining, you know,
Keith McKeever 41:31
I think more numbers, there's more strength and numbers, and hopefully that will make a difference. And we'll break out stigmas. You know, there's so many different things that that are in this world today that weren't even talked about. I mean, just I think we just hit the 10 year anniversary of Don't Ask Don't Tell being repealed. Yeah. And that was what that was,
Tori Adams 41:50
like, a year prior or something. It had been removed.
Keith McKeever 41:54
Yeah. And so it's like, okay, we that wall was taken down just 10 years ago. And, you know, I started with people that I knew were members of the LGBTQ plus community before that. They didn't tell. We didn't ask, we didn't I mean, everybody kind of knew, right? We were gonna rat a brother or sister out, like, there's no point to like, you know, they can do the job, they can do the job. But to my point, like, we just broke that barrier down, you know, that the number of women in the military is growing by the year, I think, yeah, it's like 12% 13%, it's expected by like, 2030 to be like, 17 18%. So like, is it grows, and we start breaking, breaking down stereotypes or just stigmas. Hopefully, people are more more willing to report. Leadership is more willing to do something about it. And guys can stop being stupid and harassing in.
Tori Adams 42:51
Exactly like, and I think what's funny, too, especially because so many more women are joining is like, these people who are like trolling on the internet to being like, women don't belong in the military. And it's like, why would you further perpetuate, like, this negative counter, I don't know, negative opinion or negative stereotype. Or like when you get like the angry bro vets who are commenting on like social media posts, especially from like, women in the community being like, back in my day, and it's like, what vicious is in 1985?
Keith McKeever 43:23
Yeah, you know, I, I've been very vocal about it before. I'm like, Well, I was security forces. So you know, military police, whatever. Yeah, I had women that I worked with. And I can tell you flat out that there was women I worked with that were useless. And it was women I worked with that I knew had my back. They could do their job. They showed up they did their thing. And I can say this same damn thing about the guys.
Tori Adams 43:47
Exactly. Because you know what, being lazy or being able to do your job like those no gender, you're either good at it or you're not, you're not and that's not gender relevant. Yeah. Now, there
Keith McKeever 43:59
was a few times where, you know, I had questions about some people and their abilities to do things like are they gonna be able to pull my fat body out of a suitable Humvee and roll over or, or something like that? But I can often is what it is, right? I hope they'll summon someone up the strength because, you know, there's some there's men and women right? There's some pretty small petite out there and like,
Tori Adams 44:20
they might surprise you. I can leg press 570 pounds.
Keith McKeever 44:23
Yes, a good point. So I'll say you know, what's that adrenaline hits you'll be surprised what you can do. So but yeah, that's uh, that's all I was. Was there anything else that you'd that you'd like to share? You know, anywhere people can reach out to you. Tick tock. I know you guys
are dropping the socials.
You know if it helps you I think your story is out.
Tori Adams 44:49
I'm here for you guys. Like honestly like if anyone ever needs to talk or wants to message me. You can find me on on Tik Tok at Tori Adams zero is just Is my username. You can find me even on Facebook as Tori Adams, you can send me a message there, I'll get it. I have a YouTube channel if you want to, you know, see me talk more in depth about this kind of stuff. And that's raising Riley, I do a lot of like motherhood and like military's content, especially with my daughter being a military family. But yeah, I'm here. I'm so happy I got to be on the show. And, you know, tell my story. And I'm here to listen. So if you guys ever want to reach out, please like, hit me up. I'm here to hear your story and hear your truth.
Keith McKeever 45:37
Once again, sorry, I appreciate it. Once again, for the listeners. sapper.mil/victim-assistance is a place where you can go right to the DoD site there, they got resources on there. That's a place to start. If you're still serving, you know, all the places you can go. You can go to my website battle, buddy, podcast.net. I'm trying to always add more resources there but reach out to somebody, I guess that's the message, right? Whether or not you want to share your story or not, at least get the help that you need. Because what you've gone through is traumatic, and go get some counseling, go get some help. There is no stigma there. I cannot say that loud enough. There is no stigma to talking to a counselor never is not you know, don't listen to somebody saying they're gonna take your weapons away or your career is gonna be over with there are nonprofit options out there. Reach out to me, I'll hook you up with them. So anyway, I will let you get going Tori, I appreciate it. Thank you very much. You think you appreciate your service? And, you know, take it easy.
Tori Adams 46:36
Yeah, have a good rest of your day. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
