Weapons of Mass Deception
In today's episode we sit down with Adam Jones, a former Army Blackhawk pilot and author of "Weapons of Mass Deception." In this episode, we delve into Adam's insightful book, which explores how the mind can control our lives if we allow it, and the negative impact it can have on our relationships, careers, and overall well-being.
As someone who has experienced the challenges of transition and healing the heart, Adam offers valuable insights and practical advice for anyone looking to take control of their lives and achieve their goals. From dealing with post-traumatic stress to building healthy relationships and finding purpose in life, this episode covers a range of topics that can help you live a more fulfilling and meaningful life with purpose.
Whether you're a veteran or a civilian, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to achieve personal growth and overcome the challenges of life.
In This Episode We Cover:
Weapons of mass deception and the heart!
Having a spouse that can spot the "drift"
Leadership is hard, yet easy
Leaders don't want gaps, so close them
Transitioning effectively into civilian life
You take your mentality everywhere, make it positive and powerful
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https://www.facebook.com/LeadWithAdamJones
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Transcript from Episode 95 with Adam Jones:
Keith McKeever 0:01
Welcome back to another episode of the battle buddy Podcast. Today we're gonna talk about weapons of mass destruction. And it's not the weapons of mass destruction you're thinking about. So you want to stay tuned for this conversation. Welcome to the battle buddy podcast with Keith McKeever. So welcome Adam Jones to the show. Welcome. Welcome, Adam.
Adam Jones 0:20
What's up, Keith? How you doing, man?
Keith McKeever 0:22
I'm doing great. Welcome to the podcast, man. It's a pleasure to have you on here and to talk about your book. But before we do share a little bit about your your military story.
Adam Jones 0:32
Yeah, well, man, I appreciate how quickly you jump in. This is cool. Like already strapped in and ready to go. Alright, so basically, what I started with the Civil Air Patrol at 12 years old, so I was doing the whole military stuff, you know, as a kid, and then flying planes and doing search and rescue missions and all that fun stuff. So I always knew I was gonna join the military. When I was younger, I was like, Man, I have to become a Blackhawk helicopter pilot. And for me, that was when I saw the movie Black Hawk Down. Awesome movie. Mom was super confused. Why do you want to do the thing that just got shot down? You know? And I'm like, oh, you know, like,
Keith McKeever 1:08
it looks awesome. Can't blame her for that. Right? I mean,
Adam Jones 1:12
yeah, so yeah, I always wanted to do that long story short, you know, join join the army while doing Army ROTC. So I kind of went straight on to the officer path because I knew I wanted to be a pilot. So everything came down to the decision making of what gets me that result. Right. So I want to be a pilot. I'm gonna choose the army. It's my greatest, greatest chance of doing this. I'm not I'm not high speed enough to make it happen in the airforce, you know, army's got more aircraft. They're a little bit the select the selection process a little easier for aviation. It's still hard. But it's I mean, let's be honest, it's easier for sure. And, yeah, I didn't get aviation. I got military police. So when I commissioned out of Penn State Army ROTC, I was becoming an MP, not wanting to be an MP, very confused at what how I became an MP after all those decisions.
Keith McKeever 2:02
Come on. I said, great world, man.
Adam Jones 2:04
What was that? Yeah, it was cool. I mean, I originally was a criminal justice major, too. So it's kind of funny how that worked out. I mean, my major ended up changing in school. But long story short, wanted to become an MP or wanting to become an aviator, became an MP, as a first lieutenant, you know, I was National Guard. So one thing that's kind of nice about the guard is, you do make a little bit of the career yourself, right. So I'm like, hey, just a heads up, I really want to fly. And if a flight slot opens up for interviews, I want to take it. And then eventually, it finally happened, took a lot of work, but became an aviator. I was a platoon leader, company commander for aircraft maintenance. And I finished up man with space. Actually, I went into a space battalion for just about a year, which that was pretty cool. And then I just knew I needed to get out, I had to figure out how to be a better, like I was a new father. And I felt like I wasn't really getting it down, you know, and just everything was just so competing for my attention, I couldn't keep up. And I was like, Man, I want to be more present that so I'm going to make myself more available. Long story short, you know, what I learned availability does not equal presents.
Keith McKeever 3:20
That's true and incredibly deep. And I got a funny feeling we might get a little deep on some subjects today. One of one of which is is your book, we get that scrolling up there. So first and foremost, you're an author, and you go to website, Adam Jones book.com. So people can go there and check out your website and all about your book and everything. But tell us a bit about your book. I gave the preview in the beginning. Yeah, weapons of mass destruction. Tell us a little bit about your book.
Adam Jones 3:51
Yeah. So um, no, that's cool. Basically, I made this title as a play off of weapons of mass destruction. The title is called weapons of mass deception, detect and defeat the for weapons, destroying your peace, purpose and power. Right. So one of my really awesome assignments when I was in, I was I was guard the whole my whole career I was guard within being in the guard probably had about like, I think I think it's little over six years of active right from the 10 years of service. So a lot of it was just doing this every day. And one of my everyday assignments for for a period of time, was working for the Department of Homeland Security, FEMA Region eight, right, which was so cool, because I got to work for you know, the DHS Gs 15. So, you know, I mean, anyone listening, right? It's very high up governmental official, and I was working for him as an ops analyst, but then he made me his executive officer. So now I'm starting to get mentored by him and really seeing the way he thinks, and I started to learn a lot about targets and you know, how the enemy chooses a target right and what it's not always the building. It could be A group of people, right, it could literally at one point, the primary target was just mass gatherings. So thinking of that, and then thinking about how there are weapons that affect us, as veterans, as military members as first responders that are unique to us, and that are hurting people in the process. So I call them weapons of mass deception because they spread, right? It starts in our heart, it spreads into our home, and it shifts into the headquarters and follows us. And that's why I want you to just as you're hearing this, think of the spreading effect of a weapon of mass destruction, and now realize it's actually in the heart. And it's a deception, meaning it's not true, right? There are things we believe that are true, that are no longer getting us the results we want in life. Why? Why would that be? Because it's a deception. It's never gonna get the result. A great example of a deception super easy. If you work really hard, your whole life, you'll be successful and rich. I know a lot of people who worked hard their whole life, they didn't become successful and rich. So wasn't working hard. Your whole life was not the way of getting that result. There's something else right. So for me, that was really key.
Keith McKeever 6:16
Yeah, I mean, you could sit there and grab a shovel and dig ditches for $5 an hour for the rest of your life and definitely not get rich. But, you know, if you work up to the point where you get back hoes and equipment, I mean, you could dig more ditches and dig up faster and make more money. Certainly. So no, I could totally make sense. So yeah.
Adam Jones 6:40
Yeah, like with that, right? I think something that would benefit. whoever's listening right now is understanding how to even come up with that language. It's not because I'm clever. It's because I was in pain. You see, I'm saying like, this is a story about all of us, even though our stories are not the same. I think I think I just rhymed. I think it was like a Dr. Seuss thing right there. I was weird.
Keith McKeever 7:07
You're the father. So little one. So that's pretty much Dr. Seuss in your life.
Adam Jones 7:12
So So basically, what I'm trying to say is we do not have the same story none of us do. But there's things we have in common, that cause us to feel certain struggles, right. And in that, I remember just looking at my wife, having her looked back at me, seeing that she was tired. Seeing that she was worn out from the man that I became, after the service, it was happening. Well, I was into, right. But after I got out, it was like magnified. Because now I don't have any outlet to express my mission mindset, or any of that kind of stuff. Like, we all know, there's a lot of things that are lost in that process. But for me, the big thing was like, you know, seeing that pain, and then realizing what's going on in my heart has spread to my home. So knowing that Keith made me say, now's the time to fight. I'm not hiding anything, I'm not fooling anyone. And there's people on here who are listening, you're not fooling anyone, your spouse knows what you're going through. Whether you're saying it or not, it can be felt, not only can it be felt, it's actually hurting them.
Keith McKeever 8:22
Well, nonverbal communication is what like 90% of communication. So yeah, I mean, you know, and the longer you're together with your spouse, the, the more you're going to be in tune with each other. I, my wife, and I guess we're coming up on our 13th anniversary. Like we we know each other pretty darn well, after almost 13 years together, like we could, you know, certainly is not 50 years, like some people like they, they can just like they can feel each other's presence, like but we can, you know, we can look at each other and know, we've been working together for five or six years now at this point. So, yeah, like you can really, like you could feel the presence you can feel when somebody's off, you can feel when they're absent minded or you know, distracted or the mindsets, not right there. So I totally get that. So it was there for Was there something in particular in your life that kind of, you know, kind of made you kind of take that accountability, and this realization for yourself?
Adam Jones 9:28
Yeah, man. So open up the book here real quick. Check. Check this out. Here's the book weapons of mass deception. Okay. Awesome Book. Highly recommend it. I'm biased, though. But I thought it sucked. At first. I was like, this book sucks. I hate writing it. I don't think it's going to help anyone. And then I got picked up by a publisher. And they worked magic. So I'm just saying it's not a one man effort here. entire team made this thing happen. I'm just very thankful for it. It didn't suck. I was just a critic of myself. Like we all are, you know, we're like our own worst enemies. And I was like, you know, I just I don't know, I don't see it all connecting, but listen to this part. So so the sound of a text alert on my phone captured my focus. Glancing away from my computer for a moment, I looked down and saw a notification that my wife had sent me a text is about to answer your question. I'm just not happy. I do everything around here. I don't want you to defend yourself right now. I just want you to listen to how I feel. I don't feel loved by you anymore. I don't feel appreciated. It's like you take me for granted. Crazy, huh? So I could laugh because man, my life's amazing. Now, like, crazy. I have no idea how my greatest weakness has become my greatest strength. You know, I'm a man of faith. For me. I believe God did a whole lot of work in the background. I just what happened in my heart, I started to change the way I saw the world the way I saw my family. You know, I saw them through eyes of obligation instead of anticipation. Right? It was an obligation. I got to be a good father a good husband, because that's what you do. But I wasn't anticipating the moments. I wasn't anticipating driving my kids to daycare. I want one point at one. During this time. I had one girl now I have two girls. So now it's kids, right. But still, it's like, I wasn't anticipating that date nights. Dude, that was a time off the calendar that could have been for business. See, I'm saying like I could have been building something and impacting someone. Listen, how messed up that thinking is. But that's what I thought. And a lot of us think that way. It's like, oh, I'm going to take a rest. And I'm going to be with my family. But I'm also going to be a little bit less present less powerful, you know, all those type of things. I'm just gonna kind of coast when really that's when we that's the big game right there. You know, that's when we show up. So when I got that text, Keith, that was the Quit making excuses atom. You know what I mean? That was, I'm telling you right now, I'm not happy. And if you heard what she said, she said, I don't need any more excuses. Because see, what I would do is I would always give reasons. Hey, let me know, let me tell you why the groceries weren't put away. Let me tell you why. And it was always a good reason why I was doing this. And hey, you know, I know you said to do that, but I actually did this instead. And I know, I'm supposed to pick up the girls by 330. But actually, this ran over. So I prioritized. Everything made sense to me. But to her they were excuses. And I think she was right.
Keith McKeever 12:35
I would definitely argue that she was right. It definitely sounds like it in some way. You know, and almost like a smack in the back of the head like, Hey, don't me wake up. Like, hey, you know, come back into this world and get those priorities right. Figure out what what you need to do like to take care of what you need to take care of, like, yeah, there's a time for business. Like sometimes you're gonna have to be busy gonna have to take care of business. But you also have to take care of family, you got to take care of the kids, you got to take care of those responsibilities. You know, heck, we're, we're all guilty of it. Some of those things you just described, hey, I'm right there with you. I've done some of those things in the last week where it you know, neglected things around the house, it probably should have taken care of, you know, laundry, you know, ordering groceries online, those kinds of things. Hey, is it is what it is. But it's, yeah. I love that message of just be more present more mindful. Build that build that time, and be present and mindful of those loved ones in your life. I know that the time goes by fast, my kids are a lot older than yours. And it goes by really fast, really, really fast. And before you blink, they get they get to these preteen age. And I'm getting to the point now that I work so much. It's like how can I incorporate more time even more time into my kid's life? What more can I do with my boys to make memories while they're young? Because that time is slipping by fast you know, even if I even if I think I'm putting enough time in with them, how can I put more you know, because that time with my wife you know I like all those things like with my with my mom and my my nieces and my nephews like how can you be more purposeful with that time because you don't know how much time you got. So yeah, I love this.
Adam Jones 14:43
Yeah, what you said at the end was key, right? So it's not just about how much time because a lot of things are competing for our time, but the quality of those moments, right? Like, am I am I fully engaged when I take my kids to the playground? Or am I checking my phone during business meetings? which that was me. I mean, honestly, like, Hey, dude, I got this girl and this girl and this girl and they're playing, they're having fun. You know, a lot of us have done that. And you start to look around and you see all the parents who show up, but they're not engaged. And what's cool about this message, right, I really want to share this with you, you know, what I do as I take this experience as a pilot, and make it applicable to our life today, right? So like, as an army pilot, I started flying when I was 12. So at 12 years old, start flying Cessnas, you know, eventually did the army thing got to fly that way. And in the army, man, you had to memorize the emergency procedures and limitations for the aircraft perfectly, do perfectly. If it said the word and and you said the instead, you know, or, or, as well, or some, I mean, any any other word? You it was a fail for the day, you failed that day, right? And enough of those, you're out, right? And then it's I'm talking about, like 5060 pages word for word memorize of a giant manual, right? The point is, why did we have to do that? Because there really was a mission. And lies are really at stake? And would be, and we have to be able to execute? So how are we training today? For these emergencies in our life? You know, how are we training today to respond to the chaos of the home. And what I realized is, as a pilot, there's a moment and I talked about this in a chapter called drift happens, right? Where my crew chief goes, sir, drifting left. Now, you guys can read this in the book, if you go to Adam F. Jones, book.com, you can grab it for yourself. But one thing I did is I made an excuse then to write Actually, I didn't even respond. So I'm going to paint the story for you for a second. It's NVG flight, we all got our night vision goggles on a medic is about to go down the hoist. I'm a younger pilot, right, a little bit less experienced, this is a new maneuver. For me, this is a high risk operation. We are in a concealed area, right. So vegetation is surrounding us entirely 360, right. And we're dropping down into that vegetation, well to put a medic down. And we're probably about 50 feet above the ground or so which is a very high hover. But I'm under night vision goggles, which makes it way harder, because we all know NVGs you know what that's like to see through the tubes. But now you're flying an aircraft to so you're moving everything moving your head, you got a medic about to drop down. And I can't tell that I'm drifting. This is really, really key for all of us. I can't see it. Because I'm so focused on keeping the aircraft in place and the in what I'm currently seeing, based on what I'm seeing the aircraft looks like it's good. But my visual scan, if I would have looked at other places, I would have seen Hey, we're actually drifting to the left. But because I'm looking this way, I can't tell if you if you're watching a video, you see what I'm talking about. I'm looking this way. I'm drifting left. I don't know it. But if I were to look this way, I would have been able to tell right, if I would have looked off the nose. It makes sense. Yeah. So my crew chief calls it out. And he goes 30 Drifting left. I don't respond. That's not good. You don't do that. Right. Sorry, drifting left, and he emphasizes it. And I go, Oh, man, dude, I know. And aviation is chill, right. So why am I gay? You know, I totally get a man Hang on. Let me let me try to lock it in, like the winds off the nose are really beating me up right now. You know, this is and I start telling a story. And he jumps in. He's like, sir, you are drifting left. I don't need any excuses. Just fix it. Right? We all drift. So we get back in a position. Everything's good. And then there's like this big teaching moment, which I love those moments. You don't want to have them. But when you have them, you're never forget them. Right? So we're in the medics back in everyone's safe. And he's like, Hey, you had a medic, who's about to come out of this aircraft who was already hanging from the aircraft? About to go down? And you're talking about why you why you didn't know you were drifting. And he said, It's okay. We all drift. He said drift is totally normal. Just acknowledge it. Now apply that to your life. It's okay, if you're not showing up, all engaged in powerful present. I wasn't either. Let's first say, Okay, it's not happening, and then acknowledge it. But are you seeing your own drift? This book will help you with that. But I also believe we need people in our life who say say like, Yeah, dude, I see it right now. This is not who you are. This is not the best version of you. We need our spouses to say, hey, I need you to show up with a stronger right now. You know, so it's all good drift happens. It's totally natural. And when you can actually get to the point where you acknowledge that drift and you crew and you stop the drift and then you correct it. There's an order to this when you do it that way. When everyone around you is just going to start to even be drawn closer to you because they're gonna go that is rare in society.
Keith McKeever 20:07
Yeah. You know, so everybody should have a spouse that can that can spot that. And it just made me think of like the Yes, man. You know, the person is not going to tell you what you really need to hear, you know, not necessarily Yes, but it sounds like your wife is quite a bit like my wife, that's going to tell you something that you may not want to hear sometimes. But you need to hear it. My wife told me for years, she would get on me about my weight, you need to lose weight, do you really need to eat that, or you're eating too much, you know, this, that and the other. And I'm, I'm going to be really vulnerable here for a minute. She would just get on me constantly, you're eating too much. You don't need to eat that. Do you need that dessert with that, you know, this, that and the other. And just, it would bug me. But in your words, she was kind of telling me you're drifting. Like, this is not what you need to do. This is not healthy for you. I love you, this is not a good path for you. This is obviously this, you know, plays a factor in your health, that I got to the point where my weight got to a certain point and certain things just you start looking at those numbers at the doctor's office, right? And it's like, Man, this ain't good. I gotta do something now. You know. And she, she kind of started laying off, but it was between her and the doctor, man, I started looking at all that stuff. And I was like, Man, these between my very blunt doctor and my very blunt wife, it's like, yeah, I gotta, I gotta shape up and start flying straight. You know, I gotta, I gotta start doing something about this. Like, it's not time for I can't make excuses anymore. I got to start taking action. So like myself, just just use my example. Like, it was like, Okay, start eating healthy portion control, login, my calories, use every resource available, man, I went to VA, I was already went to the VA health I would. I was like, Yeah, sure. I'll go into the mu program. I'll try that, again. Accountability. Every two weeks, I meet with somebody, like, keep me back on this track. You know, and I've like, as we're recording this, I've lost like 35 pounds since November. Yeah. So I guess, once again, to be vulnerable. But like, that's what it takes to be like, something's got to change. Like, I'm not, I'm not it's not good to go down that path. Right? That's just physical health. But like, it could be it could be anything in your life. So I love that message. Man. The drift?
Adam Jones 22:37
Yeah, I'll talk to that. I'll share that with college football teams when I go speak, you know, as a as a speaker, and leadership trainer. And they eat that up, right? Because we want to be told to you, like you already know, you can be better. Now we want someone to say, I know you can be better. And I can catch this catch us. I care about you so much. I'm gonna call it out. And then we can get better at how we do that. Right? Like when I work with like a corporate executive like leadership consulting, that's going to be approached a little bit differently than a military scenario. You might say something like, Hey, look, I know, I know you. Like let's say, this is your direct report, you'd be like, hey, look, I know, it's important to you, that you progress in your career. And you told me that you want to become a director at this company one day, is that right? The person's like, Yeah, that's right. Like, alright, well, if there's anything I've seen lately, that I think can help you. Would you want to know about it? Yeah, I'd want to know about it. See, it takes more patience. This is not military. Like, we don't do this stuff in the military. You can't
Keith McKeever 23:38
come out with a knife with a camera, right? knife hand, right?
Adam Jones 23:43
We're not all that compatible with the civilian world. A lot of the times we have to start to learn to change. If we're the 1%, we need to adapt to the 99%. There's certain parts of the 1% keep that mentality, all that good stuff, right? mission driven. That's amazing. But change how we communicate and connect unless you're in that environment again, which most of us aren't. So, in this case, look, if I saw something would you want to know? Yes. Okay. Well, here's what I noticed that you caught off the drift. Hey, you know, one thing I noticed is the past month, you've been showed up late to this meeting. And I just don't think that's going to help you become a director. What do you think, man that's so hard to do, I just described as so much harder that, like, I make it sound easy. But if I was in front of someone that's hard to do,
Keith McKeever 24:31
but it should be easy for veterans to do as leaders, people who were trained to lead from the get go, especially if you are an NCO or Yeah, you know, maybe you know, some of the officers at least tell the difference between officer and enlisted guys, right. But to be able to sit down and have that conversation of like, you have to train your replacement. You have no choice everybody know everybody else's job. So when you Get into that corporate job to be able to tap somebody on the shoulder and have that conversation and be like, Hey, I know you really want to progress in your job. Do you want to? You know, you know, I know, there's some things that you could do, if you don't mind a little constructive criticism. You know, there's just so weaknesses here, you know, hey, you're strong here, here and here. But there's some weaknesses here, here. And here. I know, you know, Johnny over here is really good at this. And Sally over here is really good at this. How about you, you know, maybe go learn from them to strengthen those weaknesses, right? Make yourself a better candidate, because we'd really love to see you succeed in this in this company. Right? Like, civilians don't get that. And if you showed up as a leader in a company, and you tap somebody on the shoulder, and said, hey, you know, come with me, I want to see you go to the top. Man day, we'll follow you anywhere. Use that leadership skills you learn in the military. Those are the skills that gets you far in a company. But anyway, off my soapbox on that one, but
Adam Jones 25:57
I'm all about it. I'm all about it. Because you're right, we're trained to see these things. As a helicopter pilot, I'm trained to see something before it breaks, right? That's the big difference between a fixed wing pilot and a rotary pilot, if you talk to like, I mean, if you look at like the memes and stuff, and I believe it because I am both and a helicopter, dude, you're like, what's gonna break next? Like, you're just, you're constantly like, Oh, my God, like, where am I gonna land if this happens? Because you don't have as much as much of a you can't glide. Okay,
Keith McKeever 26:30
exactly. I was just gonna say, yeah, you can you can somewhat glide some of those planes in? I don't know about a C five or C 17. But you know,
Adam Jones 26:37
right. So so anyways, no, I love that, right. So this is something I'm super passionate about is partnering with military communities, veteran communities and say, Look, you already got this skill that's very hard to develop, you already got this mindset, this lens in the way you see the world. Now we need to teach you how to connect it to the community you're in now, because it's different. We cannot talk the same way you're going to be you're going to be an outcast and outsider. I know. That's how I felt. I still feel that way. Sometimes people will say very recently, someone was like, hey, that last text was very assertive. That was too assertive. And I went back and looked at it. And I was like, Yeah, I guess I could see how that's possible. I mean, yeah, like, I was, I'm so used to being the commander, that I'm still talking about, like rallying the troops in a way, you know, like, Hey, here's what we need to do. But sometimes I'm the lowest person on the totem pole. Well, you know, I can't tell anyone else what to do. It just depends, right? Like, I'm a full time employee as a project manager, too. So if I'm working with someone else have a higher level. So anyways, yeah, good, good, good discussion. I appreciate that.
Keith McKeever 27:38
Absolutely. Wanted to dive into a couple of other topics, and just get your quick thoughts on it. So in the book, he kind of talked about a couple of different things, but transitions, relationships and healing the heart. Any, any thoughts on on some of those?
Adam Jones 27:53
Yeah, so the big thing with transitions is, I'm going to give you guys some language real quick, that I think will help you going forward. I've talked to so many veterans, right? This is like what I do right now, as I was writing this book, this book is not about Adam. There's a there's like a chapter or two, there's lessons from my life. But this is about us. Okay, this is about our culture, our structures that we're used to, and how in their weapons can form without us even knowing it that hurt a lot of people in the process. And we go, oh, man, why is there 73,000 suicides in 13 years? Right? Like, why why would that have happened? Well, there must be something happening culturally. And in the way we're wired and the way we perform that is no longer congruent once the uniform comes off. Okay, so anyways, I'll talk to so many people, man, and they all have regrets for things that they didn't do. And what's even more interesting, and I shared this with someone I was talking to sky, he was a Marine, right? He didn't tell me he was a Marine, until I'll 30 minutes into the conversation. And he knew I was an author or about to be an author, and he heard my message and liked it. But he just asked me all these questions. He was quiet dude. And he goes, Hey, you know, I was, I was in the military once. And I said, Oh, it's cool, man. Like, that's awesome. He's like, I didn't do much, though. And he jumped in real quick. I didn't do much though. And I said, and then he said it again. And he said, Yeah, I was just a Marine. I was only in the Marine in the reserves in the Marines. I didn't do a lot. And I could feel right there. That moment, that guy in transition started to feel new levels of pain that he never felt before, right. The point was after him and I had a conversation. What I found out is the guy never deployed. Well, guess who else never deployed? Me. I was in for 10 years. I was scheduled three times. They didn't happen. I had to own that story, man, and say, you know, it's just that's just what happened to my life. I couldn't have controlled it. So what I said to him, and I'll say this, everyone today, why do we have regrets for the things we didn't do? That we weren't asked to do? Why do we have apologize for not doing things that we weren't asked to do. You seem so you had no
Keith McKeever 30:07
control over in the first place, right?
Adam Jones 30:09
We hold our head low, we hold their head low, we feel shame. We our tone changes. We don't want to talk about the military time. Because, according to him, you know, he said those six years of my life, it says if they never happened, it says, If I can't tell him what about those six years, because I don't qualify, in the eyes of like a normal, you know, whatever Marine, to where I actually was like, in and deployed and all that stuff. So I don't tell people, so it says if my life is behind, already, that's sad. That's very sad. But what's interesting is that most of us, I achieved my childhood dream. I became a Blackhawk helicopter pilot, you think I would walk in heavy confidence for the rest of my life? No, I did it. These things will never give you the lasting confidence. You're looking for a title wall, a performance measurement won't. That's why I talk about losing your sense of peace, purpose and power. These weapons destroy your peace, purpose and power, not just yours, the people around you. They affect the multitudes. Meaning, it starts with the heart spreads to the home shifts to the headquarters. A lot of people are feeling this because leaders carry influence, even if that influence is not a positive influence. So anyways, transitions, right, right. There's a moment of transition, we talked about the heart and how in our heart, we it's more than just a mindset. It says if a mindset shifts into a belief, I'm going to little honestly, I'm going to live a spiritual health here for a moment. Okay, spiritual fitness, we all remember that one for the military. But like, man, if in the core of who we are, we cannot embrace that. And we don't know the answers to these things. We're going to show up and we're just we're going to operate on the lowest on a lower level, lower level of energy. I mean, dude, I couldn't keep eye contact with people. Why? How does that make sense? Well, how'd that happen to me? I ordered something from you know, a waitress, and I would look away. And if someone's talking about the military, I look away. And my wife would call, she called me out again. Hey, do you know you like look away for people when you explain these things? I was like, Oh, God, and I didn't even know it. It's just a natural tendency of really a shame and guilt. Right. So anyways, I mean, that's, that's part one, we could talk about the one of these weapons here in just a moment. But
Keith McKeever 32:38
that really frames everything in his story, that Marine, because I have heard that a lot. I do a lot of volunteering with the Honor Flight. I've signed a lot of veterans up to go on Honor Flights. And I've heard the same excuse. For the honor flight network. Well, I don't want to take somebody else's slot because I didn't deploy, I didn't deserve it. I wasn't in long, and I didn't do this job, whatever. And, well, we always tell those guys, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you deploy it or not, it doesn't matter what your job is. There's some statistics somewhere, it takes 12 troops back home to support the one in combat, it doesn't matter, you still want a uniform, you are still ready to go. Yes, you were still trained to go. Somebody still had to be here on the homefront to hold things down to do the job back here that needed to be done. So you got to hold your head high and know that you were here ready to go and ready to fill that next slot if need be. Because, you know, I had no control over my deployments. Hey, if I could go back, like I probably wouldn't have gone on the first one. And the second one shoot, I would have extended like, for a year. That was that was nice and cushy compared to the first one. So like, I mean, you know, you have no control over those environments. So don't let it control you.
Adam Jones 33:55
I love it. That's very variable. And like, in that the one thing I've learned that's helping people is I flip it to a question so that it becomes their own answer. So instead of saying, You had no control, I'd say hey, if you were asked to go would you have gone? Like yeah, of course. Okay. You were asked you know, I'm really I mean, thank you for doing what you did. You weren't asked I wasn't asked either. Like, I've owned that. I've owned it so much to where now I openly say it so loud, so that others can start to say their story. People will tell me man, I was only this is by the way, this is a weapon. This is one of the four weapons of mass deception we're talking about right now. I was only a truck driver. I never shot a gun and ever shot you know any enemy while I was overseas, even though I deployed twice, and it was always dangerous areas. I didn't do anything. I just drove a truck. So I felt like I never fought so when I got out I really started the fight with myself, Okay, another person was like, I was only in the Air Force National Guard. And I only deployed it, it was like to a fob. And I go, I was only in the Army Guard. What's up with all the only these guys? Do you see how this is like such a destructive weapon. I mean, it's destroying what I call a protector. This is an identity that we can take with us for the rest of our life, we can always be protectors, you can always be a sergeant, I can always be a captain, you know, I mean, but I can always be a protector. I could have been a protector from birth, I could have had a mindset of protecting people. Right? So like, You got to zoom out, take a core identity that lasts forever, and then now operate through that. That's my company Kingdom operators, right? We operate out of who we are, knowing results will come. When I'm showing up. I'm going to this event today. I'm a protector, and then you just start to own it. And it doesn't matter what all the own these are, because they're just part of your story. And you can't have everyone else's story. Yeah, I mean, like, I became
Keith McKeever 36:05
your stories uniquely yourself like, yeah, there's a lot of power in owning your own stories like, uniquely yours. It's like your fingerprints, like it's Wow, it's your story. Like nobody else did exactly the same service that you did. Yeah. The same duty stations, the same deployments or not deployments or whatever same job like, you know, the good times the bad times the funny stories, the sad stories, like everybody's service is different. So
Adam Jones 36:37
you're honest. Think of it think of all of us with a fingerprint for our time and service? Yeah, well, so what's the common ground, right? Because I really believe we have to find common ground in order to connect with each other. So veterans connected with veterans, military members connected with veterans, I'm talking about different eras connected with one another, different wars and battles fought saying we actually have something in common. And you know, what we all have in common, we all stepped out of the structure of the service. Hands down, every one of us did that. We had structure, we no longer have the structure. Some people might have been a Navy Seal, other people might have been Army Reserves. Other people might have been Coast Guard, I don't know, we all had structure. And we stepped out of the structure. And in that structure, we had a way of thinking operated, we had cultural cultural norms. We had we have ways we communicated. I don't know about you, man. But I remember, you know, one time, this is probably three years ago, I was at an event with these big, you know, amazing leaders. And this one guy says, you know, hey, or I say to him, hey, tomorrow, what's that? What are we wearing? What's the dress code? And he goes, No, there's no dress code. And I said, I know, but like, what are we wearing? And like, he's like, no, just whatever you want to wear. And I remember being like, I don't know, what to wear. I don't even know how to stand, you know what I mean? Like, where do my hands go? You know, like, yeah, all those norms that are not the norm anywhere else. And realize, we lost when we stepped out.
Keith McKeever 38:12
And you got to think about like, you know, the rank structure goes out, I was enlisted, you are an officer. When we were in, we would not have had such a casual conversation in uniform. You know, we're both veterans now. Like, who cares? You know, we both served it doesn't matter what your rank was, or what your job was, like, we're gonna say, We're gonna same cool kids club was like to call it you know, like, we're the same brotherhood sisterhood. You know, we're all one big, semi happy family. Brothers and sisters. We have our disgruntled family members, but, you know, they're out there. We hear we, we got to claim them. But, you know, we just, yeah, it's a different world. You gotta have to kind of adapt to it. But we Yeah, it takes some adjusting. That's for sure.
Adam Jones 38:59
Yeah, yeah. So what you and I have been talking about this whole time is a weapon called the trap of title. Okay, it's a weapon of mass deception. It is our fourth weapon of mass deception. I will hit on it a lot harder in the book. If this conversation is helping you right now, anyone who's listening, man, definitely dive deep into this one. Because the trap of title is not just affecting military. You know, I work with college athletes. I've done talks to professional athletes on a small level, like small scale with like a couple of them, you know, and I'll share this and they go they go stop, stop, stop. I know what and they said what you just described. That's how we feel. And I'm talking like a former Pittsburgh Steeler. I'm like, that's how you feel the same way. And they said, Yeah, you know what it was like to stop playing for the Steelers. You know what it was like to no longer be of never to be able to be called a football player again, right, and to only be seen as a football player by others. You know, mean, dude, I actually I really struggle with only being a Blackhawk pilot after a while. Because that you said, cool kids club. That was my cool card. That was the only way I thought you would like me. Okay, I mean, any veteran could relate to this, like just by you saying you were in the service, you became a little bit cooler to someone, depending on who you're around, right? So you purposely use it all the time. I know I did. Now, I'm just Adam. And Adams. Awesome. Okay, I'm biased. But dude, I really appreciate who I am now. And every once in a while, I'll pull in the Black Hawk card, because it's needed. You know, I'll pull in the army background. But really, really, Adam is who Adam is. And he has a background where he used to be in the military. And that's cool, too. You know, and I'll, it's not like one is dead. Sometimes you let the other one die. And we're like, I'm never going to tell it. No, like, integrate it as needed. Use these as tools in your tool belt, right?
Keith McKeever 40:59
That's an important part of your of your past. But well, I've been out for gosh, 12 years, this fall. I was only in for five and a half. You know, here here I've been, I've almost been out of the military twice as long as I was in. But I still so firmly. I mean, it's such a big part of my life. Because I was, you know, I went in at 21. But, you know, between two deployments and and all the stuff I did was such a huge part of my young adult life. Yes. But now that I've been out for so long, like, it's still such a huge part of who I am, obviously, with the podcast and all the veteran stuff that I you know, that I love and enjoy doing. I love being connected to the community. I really do. Yeah, like, I don't always walk around going do an app. But sometimes when you're meeting people, and you're networking in an event, like sometimes, like it could build some rapport with a client or something like that, like it could you know, hey, like, sometimes it can be a deal closer, or connector connector piece, or sometimes, like it could, it could just help at a networking event where you don't know anybody. And you're just like, feel like a bump on a log or like, the weird guy in the corner. You just need to strike up a conversation like, okay, you know, tell some funny stories. Not the dark humor. Avoid the dark humor. Don't go that way. Don't recommend that one. But, you know, just like yeah, like, you know, sharing the stories. It's a part of your past, like, share it. Be proud of it, like, share the stories the good ones. Yeah, it's nothing to be afraid of, or like shy away from?
Adam Jones 42:37
Yep. And what I noticed is I was using it all the time. Because I didn't know at all who I was without it. It was like a dependency, you know, I mean, like CO I was like codependent to where, like, it didn't have it wasn't a networking event. It was just a casual conversation with anyone. And in the first 30 seconds, they're gonna find out I was a Blackhawk helicopter pilot, because that sounds cool. And then maybe you'll trust me, maybe you'll know, I'm actually a decent guy. You know, I mean, like, dude, like, honestly, my heart is to serve others. And if that's going to help them connect with me quicker than great. But what I started to realize was it wasn't doing that it was actually creating a gap. It was creating a gap where they're going, Oh, wow. Well, I never met I never. I never served. I never. I never gap is forming. Leaders don't want gaps. leaders want to do everything they can to close the gap. Right? So I'm like, this is not working. You know what I mean? Like you said it, it came out of your words real quickly. You said I was I was only going for five years. But those five years were were formative. Right? But why only why do we even say only like that's significant? You know what I mean? Like,
Keith McKeever 43:52
it's good point. Yeah.
Adam Jones 43:54
But obviously there's also things we
Keith McKeever 43:56
only in comparison to the amount of time I've been out. Oh,
Adam Jones 43:59
yeah.
Keith McKeever 44:01
But therapy sessions Yeah. Are you sure I need to lay on my couch now. But yeah, it's yeah, man, there's like a lot to unpack there with with with all that. There's a lot a lot of good stuff there. So I think one of the last things I wanted to, to go down here is something that we brought up when we talked the first time here a couple of weeks ago, and get your get your thoughts on it. Because we've brought it up briefly. And I know it hit you kind of kind of funny when we just kind of stumbled on these words but mindset of measurements. So you know, break down some of your thoughts on that. You know that you've had a couple of weeks to kind of process that one.
Adam Jones 44:52
Yeah, we were like flowing and that came out of our conversation. I was like, dude, like that's, I like alliterations and for me when I find that alliteration, sometimes I find deeper meaning within it. So for me, we were taught a mindset of measurements, our mind was trained to look at measurements, and to size people up to size situations up, it needed to be that way, right? These are not things that the military is doing wrong. By the way, this is called transitioning effectively, this is called understanding that there are different cultures. And this is the most aggressive, most man systematic culture that we could have ever been a part of that probably anyone could ever join. And then when you leave, you wonder why you don't fit in anymore? Well, because you are part of like, a system, you know, like, you're, you
Keith McKeever 45:44
can almost call it kind of a cult, some ways. You can almost paint a picture just saying,
Adam Jones 45:53
Sure. So with that, when you come out, it's like, Dude, I don't like I don't even freedom feels like a prison, right? Like, because you're trapped in your own thoughts. You don't have to process them. Okay, so, for me, one thing that I really started to see as a pilot is I was always measured. Now a lot of us are that way. As aviator though, if you fail a flight, we call these check flights, or check rides or a check ride, and you could get a no notice checkride I've talked to a lot of aviators about this, the no notice, right, and this happens all the time, it can happen anytime. So you can be on your worst day ever. And there could be a no notice scheduled for you. And that no notice is any valuator is gonna fly with you. And now you're gonna go through an entire exam on everything involving that flight, your your pre flight, you could get asked any questions there, your post flight, the flight itself, the crew briefing, anything, the emergency procedures, limitations, they're all on the table. Okay. And if you fail a no notice, you are now put into most often a flight evaluation board, meaning you're done flying. And now we're going to evaluate you to see if we want to keep you flying. Think of the pressure that is on that person. Okay, and that's what it was like, man, it was so stressful. I knew I knew it was time for it to end for me, because I just, I wasn't bringing my best home anymore. And it was just like, Dude, I just feel like I'm constantly being measured. And I get it again, probably has to be that way. But when you have a mindset of measurements, and you take that mindset now into your home, where measurements are maybe not as needed. Okay, so here's an example. In the military, if I underperform as a company commander, what eventually would happen?
Keith McKeever 47:52
You get fired. Right? Relieved to command? Yeah, yep,
Adam Jones 47:55
exactly. Okay. So my performance determines if I get to stay. Right, not just in a company, but in a society, in a culture, in an organization and in a team. I mean, the military was way more than just like I'm working for, you know, like, let's say, I'm working for Boeing, and I could get fired because I failed, or, you know, whatever. This is bigger than that. This is a way of life. Right? So that way of life is so accepted by all of us, that we start to say, Look, you got to perform in order to stay make sense. It's a high risk, organization, right? High Stakes, all that stuff. Not high risk. So So anyways, that performance determines if I get to stay, not only does the performance get, not only does the performance, determine if I stay, but also eventually can start to make us think that's where I'm valuable. So if I underperform, I'm no longer valuable. Right? If I'm not performing and I am not a value to this team, I am not valuable. Now, let's say that you have a time in the military. I meet people with this story. Actually, as a company commander, there was someone I had to, you know, a couple of people I had to remove and one of them I said, Hey, I just want you to know you're actually a leader. You're actually someone who can have tremendous influence, if done the right way. And you already have it in this unit, which is why I can't keep you right? You are not bad for this world. You're just not right for this unit. You're just not right for the military right now. Okay? Because see if that mindset leaves and it goes into our home, and we say I'm underperforming as a father. I probably shouldn't be a father anymore. I'm underperforming as a husband. I should probably just leave. I'm ruining this home. I'm underperforming as a mother. Well, you know, I'm like, I'm gonna leave. I'm going to shut down I'm going to quit Because I was trained to think this way, now we, yes. We're not really acquitting type of people. But there also is this mindset, at least that I've seen where we go, I'm hurting the people around me, they're better off without me. Right? And if that's true, what if instead, it's actually a weapon causing you to think this way? What if you could begin to no longer see your performance as the thing that determines your value and your belonging, but instead just a measurement in time of a moment in time that mattered? That tells you a snapshot in time? This is where you're at? Okay, cool. How do I improve? Not? Do I get to stay? Am I valuable? Do I belong to a team? But instead, hey, this is a great indicator for me right now. Right? We talked about weight and stuff. Hey, good indicator. Now what are let's put a plan in place, let's go. When you start to see life through that, that lens, you begin to operate with what I call a contagious confidence. Because your performance doesn't change your confidence anymore. Instead, it's, Hey, look, it's just a snapshot in time. Yeah, I failed the flight exam, I probably need to study more next time. Or maybe maybe aviation is done for me, whatever. But it doesn't. We don't need to take this mentality with us everywhere. That's kind of what I'm trying to get across to the time I got with you guys. In the book, I hit on this way more. And I'm telling you, a lot of people relate to this weapon, because it's really a part of the way we operate. But it doesn't need to be that way any longer.
Keith McKeever 51:36
Awesome. Wow. Man, you leave us all kinds of good sound bites, but I know, we need to wrap it up. And I know you've got a little something for everybody. So I want to throw that up here. You're gonna give a little little gift out? I know. Yeah. So go ahead and share with us what you're gonna do here.
Adam Jones 51:55
It's cool. I'm like reading the banner. Right? Yeah. Three free chapters of the book, text kingdom. 255444. All right. So let me explain it. So yeah, I just really have in my heart that, you know, a lot of people we say, man, you know, I think I want to read that book. I'm not sure I don't know this guy that well yet, is this guy's brand new to me or this concept? I don't fully get it yet. I feel something there. I feel like I'm supposed to do this. But also, I don't know if I have the time for it. I don't know if I want to spend 20 bucks. I mean, even though we spend that on like a gallon of gas or something, right?
Keith McKeever 52:30
That's like two and a half cups of coffee at Starbucks.
Adam Jones 52:34
So if that's you, dude, that's, that's totally cool. I get that. So that's why what I'm doing is I'm giving you the first three chapters totally for free. And you'll get them the second you do this right away. So all you need to do is text the word kingdom, k i n g DLM. Get out your phone, text the word kingdom to the number 55444. That's it. And in that moment, you're going to get the link click on the link, right, there's the entire first three chapters. And I think like the full Board colonels who are reading this as we speak, the maintenance test pilot who told me that he read this in one day, my buddy who's deployed right now that you are going to find that you can't put this down, that there really is a journey for you in this in this book, because it's more than a book. It's a plan of attack for your life. Right? So I just say fine, I'll give you the first three chapters get you going now you can even order now go to Adam F Jones book.com. Order the book now start reading the first three chapters do do both you know and enjoy the three
Keith McKeever 53:42
chapters done by the time I Amazon gets it to you. That's right. Now let's back up to you just said test pilot that was a test pilot reading it.
Adam Jones 53:49
Yeah. Maintenance maintenance test pilot for the whole battalion. This dude is phenomenal. Right it and hope he wasn't.
Keith McKeever 53:54
He wasn't reading it when he was flying. I don't think that's the kind of test pilot.
Adam Jones 54:05
That's so far dangerous. No, no, no, that would be that'd be irresponsible. But yeah, he read it one day, one foot like he sent he sent me a picture said, book books here. I'm gonna start reading it today. And then, like, at the end of the night, I get a text saying that was phenomenal. He said, every service member needs to read this book and let this sink to the depth of their core. That's what he said. Not only they say that, dude, Keith, this blows my mind. He said, I'm going to use it in my retirement speech if you allow me. I'm like, what? I mean. You know, I mean, what are we on right now? So this is February 27. It came out February 15. And I mean, you talked about that. That's some great feedback there. So yeah, anyways, to work for him maybe to work for you guys right now.
Keith McKeever 55:00
Absolutely so while I appreciate you sharing, you know the first three chapters with all the listeners and is there any of that in the show notes for anybody listening in the YouTube viewers as well and I'll be LinkedIn err along with all everything else for you. But real quick, any any place, socials, anything like that anywhere people can reach out to you.
Adam Jones 55:21
Yep, you can go to at lead with Adam pretty much anywhere. Try to keep it simple at lead with Adam. And if you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, you know those areas. I'm on there consistently putting out new new content to help you out to help you really activate what I call the power in your presence.
Keith McKeever 55:41
Awesome. Well, Adam, I appreciate you stopping by the show and sharing with us,
Adam Jones 55:45
Keith, man, this has been fun, dude, thank you for having me. Absolutely.
Keith McKeever 55:47
Take it easy.
Adam Jones 55:49
Alright, see, but
Keith McKeever 55:52
there you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope you take advantage of the free book, the first two chapters anyway. And remember, go check out the website battle buddy podcast.net for all kinds of information resources, like I always say, if there's something that's not on there, you think it should be please reach out? Let us know so we could look at trying to add it. And remember if you're struggling right now, the National Suicide Hotline number is 988 Press one
