Redefine Sobriety
For Navy veteran Colleen Ryan-Hensley its beyond time to redefine sobriety. Throughout her time dealing with addictions and mental health Colleen began to notice that when at sea with the Navy and other periods in her life when substances and temptations where not present she felt more alive and better than ever. This eventually led her to create #BingingSober as the worlds first points based system for sobriety. Starting in 2023 Colleen will be rolling out various programs for anyone wanting to regain control of their life and situation and start digging out of the hole of addiction.
Battle Buddy Podcast Guest Links:
Transcript from Episode 77 with Colleen Ryan-Hensley:
Keith McKeever 0:02
Welcome back to another episode of the battle buddy podcast. If you're struggling with any kind of substance abuse or any kind of issues like that, you're gonna want to pay attention. If you have your loved one of somebody who's dealing with that you definitely want to pay attention. This is going to be really impactful. podcast episode, my guest is going to be absolutely awesome. She's got some amazing stuff to cover. So, without further ado, let's go ahead and get into it. Welcome to the battle buddy podcast with Keith McKeever. Welcome to the podcast calling. Heavier. Yeah. So go ahead and just lead us off here a little bit. And tell us a little bit about your military story. your background?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 0:41
Sure, I was in the Navy for almost 11 years 99 to 2010 I was an ageist fire controlman on board destroyers, I served out of Seattle or Everett, I guess I should say, and Pearl Harbor spent my last four years in San Diego. That is where I really got into sport and performance psychology and took that outside of the military for my advanced degree.
Keith McKeever 1:11
Awesome. What was the spark that kind of? You know, I think a lot of people, when you start thinking about college, whether it's you know, you turn 18, you go off to college, or you serve few years and go back, everybody kind of has some sort of inspiration for the field or direction they go. So was there something in particular that sports psychology, like was calling your name? Oh, yeah,
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 1:29
well, okay, well, so in order to get into the Navy, I thought you're going to ask that question like what? It leads into the answer to that. Okay.
Keith McKeever 1:41
All right. Well, there you go. We ever been using so many different different stories about that. So that could be a whole hour by itself, sometimes.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 1:48
It's true, I'll keep it brief. I grew up on my grandfather's sea stories, period. That was it. Like I was very, very intrigued and wanted to understand what I felt like he understood about the world. He also thought women should not be on ships, but showed him anyway, anyway, I before the military really got into mental skills training, or like visualization and things like that, in order to prepare myself for boot camp. And it was just something that I taught myself and learn how to do on my own, it really, really helped honestly. And then I just, I was just intrigued by that, I kept leaning on that sort of, like mental training in order to deal with, you know, normal situations that we all find ourselves in the military. So I just kept going down that line.
Keith McKeever 2:37
That's interesting. I don't know that anybody's ever given me something like that, wherever, you know, people prepare by going and doing push ups and sit ups and you know, meet with their recruiters and stuff like that. But the mental aspect of it never really
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 2:51
hears now than there was when I was I mean, I've been out for longer than I was in at this point, which is like mind blowing. But there's definitely like the Master Resilience Training and things like that are happening in the army more so than I think any other branch. But there's, there's a little bit in there. Now.
Keith McKeever 3:09
That's about time that we come around to some of that stuff. But I can tell you before I joined that mental aspect of things was was not not something that I don't think ever came across my radar at all. Yeah, I think I was more concerned about you know, all the exercise or, you know, like, or maybe like the fear of the unknown of like, everything. Yeah, I just don't know how, like, how is it really gonna go down?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 3:33
No uncertain everything about it. So uncertain, like,
Keith McKeever 3:37
Yeah, I'm gonna get some flack for saying this, because I'm an airman. No, I am not saying
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 3:43
always come after somebody says something like that.
Keith McKeever 3:47
prepare myself for it. But bootcamp was actually pretty easy for me. Basic training, I guess we won't be technically the Air Force calls it I don't care what you call it. When I went through a six and a half weeks. I know it's I think it's eight and a half now. But for me, it was a breeze. I got a laundry crew. There was four of us. Two of them didn't do anything. A drill striker fired me. He's like, can you to the two of you handle everybody's laundry? And we're like, oh, extra time to study last time on a drill pad. Yes, sir. We can do that. We did. It was bootcamp Lackland, Air Force Base in San Antonio. Yeah, I was lucky enough to do not only a boot camp there, but being a security forces, our tech schools there too. So everyone got to watch everybody else, go get on those buses after graduating and fly off to their next base, you know, and the rest of us got to sit around and do a little extra cleaning for I think it was like a day. And the next day, they loaded us up on a bus and just drove us about six blocks. I'm like, Here you go. Here's your next home.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 4:41
That's what I did. You're up in Illinois. Right, you know, obviously, and I was in I stayed there for two tech schools. I was there for almost a year.
Keith McKeever 4:49
Yeah. Quite quite an interesting experience to see isn't it from like, you see it from one perspective, in bootcamp and then all of a sudden, like you get a little bit more privilege and rights and freedom to move Have around a little bit, but you still got nothing, you know, but but at least you're not marching around in formation all the time.
Okay, well, for us, we had phases to say, for our tech school, there was phases like so first phase, you had to be in uniform, but that lasts like maybe a couple of weeks. And then the next phase is you could put on civilian clothes after the duty day after the duty day. So I mean, oh, God, hang around, you still couldn't go off base and the third, third phase, you could go off base. In civilian clothes, you can wear civilian clothes.
Yeah, I was something, something, something like that. It's pretty close to that. And there was like this mysterious fourth phase where like, you had complete freedom, you didn't even have to like sign out, you could just like leave the base, just like any act, you know, any active duty troops? Like, of course, it was like this mysterious phase that no no team ever got to.
It was like the one they all held over and you just keep trying a little harder. Everybody behave you'll get to for a tactic? Not sure it exists.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 6:03
For you?
Keith McKeever 6:04
Yeah, that's not for us, at least anyway, maybe someday, somebody somewhere got if somebody if there's a listener that did, please reach out, let me know. Let me know if it actually existed. So. So you study, you've done a lot of studying on depression and anxiety and trends and stuff like that? What would like what do you see?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 6:21
Most of my study has been experience and
Keith McKeever 6:24
experience, right? Yeah. So what, what kind of trends I saw somewhere, have happened since like, 2019. But the pandemic and depression and anxiety in the numbers
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 6:37
are like through the roof. For everything. I don't even there's some keep. Let's talk about the numbers here for a second. I mean, I am not attached to any of these numbers, because they're so high like it doesn't, it doesn't matter, all these stats, and this and this and this, and they're so huge, like it doesn't, let's like get ourselves away from the numbers and just go and try and find some solutions to these challenges. Right? I couldn't agree more. They're big. They're big, big numbers. And one of the biggest challenges that we've had, because of the pandemic, and since is our access to all of these things that we use to escape from our natural state of mind in order to feel better, that make us feel worse, right? Like, we can have anything delivered to our house now. I mean, we don't even have to leave, which adds to the isolation and the loneliness. You can have alcohol delivered, we have, I was reading the other day 817,000 options for streaming television shows.
Keith McKeever 7:37
Holy cow, think about that
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 7:40
for a second, because I can't even like conceptualize that. But I was curious, because it's just endless. And it's mind numbing. And it's it's a prot like it's become a really big problem.
Keith McKeever 7:51
Yeah, like 10 years ago, you had like Netflix, and maybe Hulu. Yeah, you know, you had a few different options on each one. Now they have their own shows. And then there's all the apps and all these other companies that have their own like streaming service, I think you're probably streaming the same stuff. But
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 8:06
breakout shows from the show, every character has now their own show. None of it is real. And all of it is just like I call it zombie TV like zombie TV is like you're just like, zoned out passively living. Now, I love TV. But the point is that it's mind numbing, all of these things are and so we're avoiding all of these uncomfortable feelings. And now we have so much access to these things that we're using to do that, that it's made. Depression, anxiety, stress, everything worse,
Keith McKeever 8:39
Schiphol I like it makes you feel good. Second, maybe, yeah, it feels good to scroll through tick tock for an hour at a time, you get a lot of entertainment out of it. But you also waste a lot of time, it hurts
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 8:51
my brain to distract you. Hurts,
Keith McKeever 8:55
makes my knees hurt when I will see people dancing. Just kidding. My algorithm has changed. I no longer see people dancing. But it did for a while though there. I'm like, Man, I haven't how do people learn these dances so far? Well, you make a good point. I could do disco. And I'm too young for that. You know, like, that's a simple movement.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 9:16
Social media, you know, I mean that I mean, all of these things, we have to be able to regulate ourselves. And it's very difficult to do. Once we've trained ourselves the opposite way to keep just using it.
Keith McKeever 9:28
I think we all probably have a little something to unforced for some people it's actual harmful substances. Yes, some people maybe it's video games. Yes, it's pornography. Maybe it's some other unhealthy thing that I can't even think of obviously, alcohol. Yeah, absolutely. So how does break down like substance abuse and mental health? So how does somebody's mental health when it's when it's negative, and it's depression, anxiety? How does that lead to substance abuse like What is actually happening? I mean, I know that the consumption of alcohol or drugs or whatever, is numbing the pain? Yeah, like, what, what's actually happening in that cycle?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 10:09
Well, I can speak mostly from my own experience, My professional background is in mental toughness and performance psychology and those types of things. But what's happening like in your body and your brain, I mean, for everybody, kind of the point is, it's very, very individual, of what's happening. Okay, but the main point here is to become more aware of it for yourself, if you're somebody that is using something more than you want to, like, if you're if you have this thought that you're uncomfortable, you're tired, you're unhappy, like, just ask yourself, What am I using? Maybe too much, or what am I using in general? And how is it making me feel? And there's lots of difference? I've created this program called hashtag, binging sober. And when I talk about sobriety, it's exactly what you just said, it's not. It's not I'm not talking about just alcohol, I'm talking about a lack of intoxication from any of these things you just mentioned. Like there, there's a world full of things that we can use and abuse, there's different amounts, we can do things like you don't, you don't have to be like a, you know, you don't have to identify as an alcoholic to say, wait a minute, I'm maybe using this too much. If I have half a glass of wine, that's very different than drinking a whole bottle. Now. Then there's the self regulation and control piece that comes into it. There's, there's a whole bunch of things that come into it. But with awareness, control, and balance and ownership of those things that you're doing, you can train yourself to feel better, by allowing yourself these sober binges. That's what I'm calling them, like binging sober, you know, binge watch, binge eat, binge drink, let's binge sober. And it's a practice and a process that I've been using for probably probably, I want to say 20 years. But, you know, as a 20, something year old, I wasn't necessarily aware that I was doing it. It was later on, and I was like, oh, wait a minute. This is actually something like this is actually something once you feel what that feels like. And I'm not talking about abstaining for you know, from everything that you're doing. I'm talking about letting off of one thing at a time, see what happens, see how it impacts you see how you feel. I know that there are chemical chemical imbalances and things that need to be supported by mental health care professionals, by doctors, by all you know, if you are that person that needs that support, please, you know, have that support. But something magical happens when you say, Okay, well, three days from now, if I have this, like this awareness that comes with it is if I have these three glasses of wine, I'm still gonna feel it in three days, and I'm speaking from personal experience, so I'm not going to have it or I'll have half a glass just because I want to taste it or whatever. And then to, to know, also to be aware of things that you can do to counteract or like, reverse the impact of whatever that is, this is what when I talked about hashtag binging sober, it's the world's first point system for vitality. So it's being aware of those things that you're using to escape, controlling. Because what we don't, what I've noticed from people that I've worked with from just being alive is that people think that or they're not really paying attention to what sorts of things they can control, and what sorts of things they cannot control. And if we focus on the things that we can control, ie the things that we're using to escape, to try to feel better, but they normally make us feel worse. If we can control those things and find balance in them. Like let's say I do have two glasses of wine. Well, I can also drink a whole ton of water, I can go for a walk, I can I can get to bed at a normal time and get a full night's sleep, I can have some protein before but I know that those are things that I can do to reverse the impact. So it's really gaining power over these things that we've kind of become like the puppet to the to the world of escape, instead of the opposite. It's up to us to own and control.
Keith McKeever 14:32
That's interesting. Yeah. Finding. You kind of alluded to it like finding positive replacements, or things are the keys definitely awareness
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 14:41
or positive replacements, yes, but also saying, Okay, I do want to have this, but I can also do this and reverse it. And it's knowing that for yourself, because your question was like how does how do people like, why do you become addicted and those kinds of things? Well, there's very, very individual how Something impacts you could be totally different, how it impacts me? And if so if we're trying to fit ourselves into a little box and trying to understand things in that way, a lot of times it's not going to work.
Keith McKeever 15:11
It's good point. Yeah, it's things are definitely individual. And I think it's worth pointing out that not everybody, everybody has a different relationship with things to, like, I hear people talk about their substance abuse, you know, being an alcoholic or being a drug addict. I would never consider myself having been an alcoholic. But after my first deployment, I was drinking a lot. Anybody who served with me when I was in Japan would know I would drink to the point of blacking out, probably four nights a week. Yeah. And it took a while. It was to get through that was until I came to the States
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 15:46
is really part of the culture. And so you know, as a 20, something, I really didn't see it as a problem, because it was just what everybody around me was doing. And that's not good. And that's kind of
Keith McKeever 16:00
part of the culture you got you nailed that one on the head. Because there is this like, hey, we work hard. We put in our, our duty week now. So we got day, two days off, whatever like, or sometimes in the middle of the week, you know, whatever, but just go out drink and party. And I know people that can control it, and they can go out and have two or three drinks and be fine. Yeah, me it was. I mean, I was in such a mental state where I would just drink until I blackout. Yeah. I mean, it was bad. I did. I did some things that I don't remember at all that other people have told me those stories, and it's like, oh, man, not my finest moments. You know, but here. Gosh, I've been out what? 11 years now.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 16:41
That's what I was gonna ask. So you didn't have digital camera, like digital camera. Coming up. I know. I'm like,
Keith McKeever 16:48
Oh, boy. No, we had self like I had a cell phone and stuff in Japan and it had camera on it. But like, I think I probably had like 10 phone numbers in it, right? Flight chief supervisor, maybe a couple other guys on my shift or whatever. But we just I don't even know if I carried it around all the time. But, you know, really, like it came. Come me coming back to the States. And coming to Scott Air Force Base. And I had an apartment. I got really, really drunk one night. I can still remember the game. It was Texas versus Texas Tech, Texas Tech was having a great season. And Michael Crabtree and Graham Harrell, they were supposed to win crazy catch at the end. I'm sitting there like drinking, you know, whatever. And, and I ran out of vodka. And I had this dumb idea. The grocery store was like three blocks away. I drove there. I remember driving there, knowing that I was not staying in the lanes. And I got there. I went in, bought more, came back, got my car drove back. I have no idea how I didn't hit something. I found myself my door was like, cracked open an edge, the vodka and the Coke was sitting next to the front door and I was passed out on the couch next morning. Like it that's when I realized like, I remembered enough of that night. I was caught aware enough. When I was driving it. I was like this is a problem. Yeah, I'm in the States. When I was in Japan, I walked to the bar. Yeah, that was one thing. I walked to the bar and got some some buddies to go with you, whatever. I was like, I'm gonna screw everything up. Everything in my life is going to come crashing down. If I do this one more time. And so still this day, people probably I don't know, if people most people notice if I go out socially, I will drink. But I'll have no more. If there's dinner or something. I might have four or five. But I typically won't I typically won't have I'm talking like a long evening. It could be like an event from like five o'clock till like 11. You know, but I will drink usually no more than three drinks in a social setting. Yeah. You know, and it just depends, like, if I eat anything like what am I going to drink? You know, there's some times where I'm like, Look, I haven't eaten anything all day. I know.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 18:50
Yeah. I kept talking about if you know that you're you obviously gained control over that and knew that you had to eat something.
Keith McKeever 18:58
It took that that that moment that could have ended in disaster. For me to wake up and be like, this is a problem. Yeah. Was not going down the right path. So
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 19:09
yeah, I think there just needs to be massive, like mindset shift on this proactive preventative direction that as an entire society, we're really not really not living that way right
Keith McKeever 19:21
now. Yeah. Well, in society has given us a lot of a lot of crazy stuff. Look at the last two years, for almost three years. You know, it's hard to paint that picture. But I don't think in 30 Something plus years before that, that I was alive that this many crazy things happened in a short period of time. I mean, the world has just been crazy over the last few years. You know, so it doesn't surprise me that those numbers of suicides and substance abuse and diagnose mental health issues has gone up. Now, it's not a surprise at all. So I know you've kind of mentioned You know, your struggle? What kind of things did you struggle with? Personally, if you don't mind sharing?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 20:07
Oh, sure, um, well, I depression in my adolescence, my parents were divorced my grandfather of the man who like inspired my entire life passed away unexpectedly. And back then, you know, it was different than at least we're talking about it now, back then, no one talked about depression, nobody talks about these things. I felt my mother took me to a counselor, I thought that there was something horribly wrong with me, like it didn't fix anything. Because that was the idea in the language we used around, you know, therapy at that point. And so I didn't get the support that I needed, I didn't understand what was happening. My parents didn't understand what was happening. So it was just something that I dealt with on my own. And alcohol abuse was like, my main, like, just avoiding the feelings. Like just avoid, avoid, avoid those feelings. Um, so I went into the Navy at 21. That's when I finally felt like, strong enough to go mentally, I told you, I was using the mental skills training before I even knew what the heck I was doing. And so that was then supported by this culture, you know, of partying and drinking, that, in of itself, like, was a really big start to what has become hashtag binging sober, because during that time, and I want to put a trigger warning out for anybody who's experienced trauma around sexual assault, because I was raped by two boys in the Navy. I took responsibility for it because I had had so much to drink. I was blacked out. I didn't have awareness or control or any of those things that I hold so dearly. And all are the foundations of this program that I'm sharing. And I didn't report it just left and buried it. I didn't even think about it for another 15 years. I just pushed it. So so far down into my being well,
Keith McKeever 22:14
you had to push that really far down.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 22:16
Well, you know what happens with trauma, that stuff comes out anyway. Oh, what's gonna come up eventually gonna come out. So then I was drinking more. I was a horrible person. I was just mean, I was heartless. I was not I didn't see this at the time. I was just trying to survive, you know, you're just trying to survive holding this toxic, toxic pain. That's what trauma is. I heard somebody the other day as an Army active duty guard guy said, you have to feel the heel. And I was like, yes, that's exactly, exactly it, you've got to be able to feel it to heal it. When you're repressing it, it's going to come out anyway, I was destroying relationships. I was just self destructive. And so that was happening. But I still had another nine years in. During that time, I had a lot of free time. And what I noticed is that when I was out to see I didn't have access to a lot of those things that I was using to make myself feel better. Interesting. Access, or binging sober was born, because I would not have those things for a few days here a few days there, like and I started to notice that I would feel better, like better than I ever felt. Because I started drinking when I was like 15 waking up on the right side of the bed. Yeah, I think that a lot of vets can relate to that. Because I mean, you you know, I mean, on deployment on ships, like people get ripped, like just like
Keith McKeever 23:45
nothing else. Worked out work on yourself. Yeah.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 23:49
Yeah. Because all of those things that typically like distract you, aren't there. No.
Keith McKeever 23:57
That's a really good point. I never never thought about things like that.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 24:02
Well, I noticed that I kept doing this anyway, like, unknowingly after the military, I kept doing this where I'd be like, You know what, I'm just gonna take a few days break from this kind of stuff. Because I would remember how good I felt like not doing this and it came down to, you know, binge watching every TV that screws up my sleep. I want we talked about sleep with vets is a huge problem. I mean, sleep with everybody is a huge problem. But with that, I heard a stat 45% of the suicide rate, those 45% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosed sleep disorder. And I was like, that's a really big number, but that's really how important sleep is. And I noticed that for myself, I've struggled with suicidal thoughts, and if I don't get enough sleep, that's the trigger that sends me like sends me because then I want coffee, then I want caffeine then I'm screwing up the next night of sleep, then then I drink because I can't Come down, and I can't fall asleep. So drinking will help, right? No drinking does not help sleep. So you're, you're eating horribly, because you're exhausted, you're, you know, like the list goes on and on and on. And that's what hashtag binging is over is about is putting awareness around all of those things that we call the downward spiral. But we never really look at what that means. And that's just like this, this, I'm just passively letting all of these things that I could maybe gain some control over. Like, if you own them, you can say, wait a minute, what's happening, like, whenever I have, because I still currently, I, you know, you manage depression, those things don't go away. Like, you manage them, they get a lot better, you gain power over them, and you know how to manage it. But I still like I also struggle with suicidal thoughts. But now it's like this huge red flag. It's like, Hey, what are you doing? Like,
Keith McKeever 25:53
you're on the wrong path? Like are
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 25:56
you doing right now? Like, did you drink? Like, I go through this list? Did you drink? Did you sleep? Well, did you know like, I have like this, you know, list that I refer to. Because I mean, it sounds trivial and silly. And I'm not trying to make light of it. But I think it's also really important that we stop having the same conversations around it. And when we say this, you know, they were stuck in the downward spiral, you're taking the responsibility off of that person that's in the spiral. And so we have to own our own stuff.
Keith McKeever 26:25
Yeah, you know, one thing I always said is, you can't coming to terms with things is I've kind of related it to a band aid. You know, I had blinders on that I had PTSD or any issues from my time of service until about 2020. I could go figure during the pandemic, pandemic, but just like a series of events, like I just didn't feel myself and all these things, a couple of different things happened. And then I had a good friend of mine, he's been on my show, you know, he lost his wife, tragically to COVID. And I reached out to him when I was connected with him, you know, we talk every now and then either through messenger or whatever. And, and he's like, Dude, you know, you were deployed to the same place I was you never got any help. You never went to a counselor? And I was like, yeah, no, never. He goes, call me an idiot. He's like, 13 years, dude, you're an idiot. He goes, go to a counselor, go start getting help dealing with different things that you deal with. But I was looking at it. Like, I don't punch holes in the wall. I don't know. You know, I don't abuse my kids or my wife or throw him down. Things like the movie show. Yeah. I can see that. That's, that's not me. Like, yeah, like, I spent a lot of time in my office and I self isolate. And but I don't drink. I don't have a drug problem. I don't do these other things. But you have a little antisocial sometimes around people. Yeah, maybe I might snap at my kids, if they interrupt me when I'm working on something or might you know, things here and there. Never thought about it as PTSD. But what I did, and started going down that path and discovering things. It was like a band aid being ripped off. Yeah, it hurt that. And it was like all these emotions, all these thoughts. All these memories kind of rushing back. Yeah, I hear. Yeah. And it's like, you just got to process through it. It's just
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 28:08
Can you believe that an army guy just told me that?
Keith McKeever 28:12
Yeah, but I mean, yeah, you have to you just have to just have to wade through the shit. Yeah. And just keep working at it. That's it.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 28:18
That's a great point. And I know that I'm, you know, going on and on. It's really easy from the other side of that decision, taking the band aid off to be like, Yes, take the band aid off, dude. I promise like, it feels really good. Just take the band aid off, you know? And, but if you can, like if I put myself back there before I uncoupling I started having horrible flashbacks. Just horrible. I would wake up in night terrors, I would like, like, everything just came rushing back. My I leaned on I I'm a huge advocate for mental health. I have, I think a good point here is that, you know, if you are preventative about mental health, that when you're in a crisis, that person is already, you're already on their books, you know what I mean? So even if you see somebody once a month, or once every couple of months, but you feel fine at the time, there may be a time when you don't feel fine, and that person, now you can connect with that person because I know access is a really big problem still. And so if you're more preventative about it, then that person is there when you're in crisis. But when I started like I was losing sleep, I Oh, so my counselor told me that is because I was finally feeling safe like in my life outside of like a lot of times with trauma. We will repress it until we're feeling safe enough to process it for whatever reason, and for me that was getting out of the military. Now after the military. I was still I was binging sober, but I was also during my nones over binges like like traveling and drinking and blah, blah, blah. It took meeting my husband, my now husband and me actually wanting to lie I have a good relationship because I hadn't. I had never had a good relationship. I'm constantly self sabotage and wasn't able to get close to anybody. I mean, you name it when the band aid that you talk about, like all of these things, you're like, oh my gosh, like, it was affecting everything. And you didn't even know, right? Like, it's just like, affecting all of these things. So I had the decision to either lose this relationship that I didn't want to lose or work on myself hard. And so that I all this stuff started coming up. And I realized that it happened. But the moment that I said it, like I said, The words to my therapist, it was like, a million pounds came off of me. I don't know if you've had that experience. But it's like, when you realize this is what it is, is that band aid coming off felt like just a relief.
Keith McKeever 30:51
I don't know if I've had that experience. But I will say like, with the therapists that I've gone to, just, you know, talking through like, Okay, well, you know, what angers you causes this? I think I've mentioned on the podcast before, like, during that time, you know, my kids were home, it was it was 2020. Right? So they're doing school, they're in the room right behind me. And I'd be like, Look, I'm getting so mad. I'm trying to focus on an email or whatever. And all of a sudden, I get this tap on the shoulder, you know, and it's like, what, like, what do you want? You know, it'd be like, Dad, I just want to tell you, I love you. Or, or like, Dad, I don't understand this math question. Whatever the case was, you know what I was like, It annoys me. She's like, give a lock on your door. Yeah, but I gotta be there for the kids. You know? She's like, give a whiteboard? Yes, I do. She goes, Can you hang a whiteboard outside your office somewhere? Ironically, two of them in the store was like, Yes, I can. So got some dry erase markers on the whiteboard, she goes, alright. Now tell your kids, you're going to come out of your office every hour or about every hour. If they have any messages or need help with homework to write it on the whiteboard, in whatever their color is brilliant. And so that I was able to do that, shut my door, lock it, focus on my stuff, they could focus on theirs. And I would come out every now and then. And you know, what was weird? They normally didn't have that many serious questions. Most of the time. It was my youngest writing, Dad, I love you. You know what it was like? Wow. I mean, that's just he just wanted, he was just happy to be home. Yeah, got distracted, he wanted to come and see what I was doing. You're having a different experience. And I'm having a totally different experience with this. So like, for me, it was really helpful just like getting different tools and changing, like my day to day like, okay, fix that. Yeah. You know, like, just roll
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 32:39
up your own therapists or friends can't be your therapist. Look, if you're gonna turn into friends. Yes, please. Peer support. Yes, please. I mean, I'm not saying that as a no. But you're like, echoing, there's this like, term, I heard idiot compassion, where like, you're supporting your friends so much with so much bias, that it's not helping, like, it's gotta have somebody that is outside of your world that can see things from that different perspective.
Keith McKeever 33:07
Yes. And there's a lot of power of just being able to just talk through things with people. You know, I've had two counselors at the VA, I'm waiting on another one to come in, you know, here's what it is. But, you know, that's another thing the VA offers that people aren't aware of this is whole health. Now that was pitched to me my by, I think that my primary care physician asked me and I said, Well, what is it? She's like, well, it's whole health. So they're not counselors, but they can walk you through that help you with resources, you know, food exercise plans, like it's, you know, figure out what you want to do in life, whatever, right? And I was like, Okay, I got to think and I was like, as a podcaster on veterans issues, maybe it'd be a good idea for me to get into system. So I know, what I found was, I absolutely love the lady I got partnered up with she used to be in a counselor, she isn't anymore. But her and I can sit there and talk for for the whole hour on anything. And everything. There's like this workbook, you have to like work through. I've met her like six times, we're still not still not even past the second page. And to me, it's just like just somebody to talk to you about my problems and issues and she can point in different directions, resources, information. Absolutely wonderful. love talking to her love that. And it's VA resources free. I do it through telehealth. It's easy to schedule.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 34:22
A full health is so great. And I didn't think that I would like during the pandemic, I had to start seeing my therapist, virtually. And I had teenagers at home and so I couldn't like talk about them. Like I couldn't talk sure you could. So Well what happened was I started typing, I started typing instead of talking. And I was able to be more honest, when I was typing. It was really interesting. So if anyone out there is thinking like I don't want to do virtual therapy, please give it a try. It's fantastic. And then I was like, wait a minute, hey, let's turn off the camera and see what happens. Well, I guess I've discovered that I don't like to hear myself complain a lot. But if I'm typing, I don't feel like I'm complaining. So I was able to like, work through a whole bunch of stuff that I don't think I would have worked through otherwise. This is really interesting. Just goes
Keith McKeever 35:10
to show there's multiple ways to do it. Right. Exactly, exactly. But you know, I'm a huge fan of counselors too. And I think everybody should go to a counselor every now and then there's resources. Unfortunately, unfortunately, there's not enough counselors out there. There's a huge lack of the field. But yes, I do want to ask about your counselor, you mentioned that you went to a counselor as a kid. And then you had this forethought, if you will, to think about the mental aspect of going to boot camp. Yeah. Do you think it was there? Was there any tie in like, was there any inspiration from that or thinking about mindset and stuff having gone to a counselor at a young age?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 35:48
I mean, that's an interesting point. I, I could I could, you know, it was an emotional thing that I really wanted to feel feel good. That's a really great question. Thank you for asking me that. Because I guess I haven't really like thought this through enough to articulate it. But I really did like talking to the counselor, what happened was, I told the counselor that I had thoughts of suicide, I was, you know, 1415 or something? Well, of course, the counselor had to tell my mom, you know, my mom didn't understand that stuff. Like she lost. Like, I upset my mom, my mom was like, crying, and I love my mom, you know, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I hurt my mom, I'm never talking about that, again, I'm never talking about again. So it's so important that we all talk about it, you know, I love you talk about it a lot. And I really, really appreciate that, because it's so important for us to like, make it normal to talk about it. But it was really, I think that there was maybe an underlying unconscious subconscious, like connection that I made that I also was was reading books, I started reading books around that time about like how food affects your brain and how it affects your mindset, and how blah, blah, blah. So interestingly, I had interest in that that sort of positive psychology before it was even called the positive psychology. I also discovered long distance running, which I would call motion therapy. I remember saying that term, like when I was really, really young. And so I don't know, I There could have been a connection made that I just hadn't really thought about. I will think about it, though. Yeah,
Keith McKeever 37:26
motion therapy is a good one. Not a lot of people, you know, they say getting active and go and do something can kind of burn off that stress and alter your your mindset. Of course, on the flip side of that, some people could get a little too addicted to the gym and running and working out. Yeah, that's a really great chemicals and stuff to work out with like
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 37:47
to, or I mean, again, back to sleep, if I know that if I work out too late in the day, like working out healthy and great. If I work out too late in the day, it screws up my sleep that can lead me down the wrong way. I mean, there's so it's a very delicate balance this life thing, you know, living thing
Keith McKeever 38:06
that there is that there is. So yeah, I'm kind of the same way. Like I wouldn't work out later in the afternoon, if I'm going to work out which I am not a physical specimen or an example of, of working out. Even my wife tells me but if I was to work out, I would work out in the morning. Like I would want that just get my day going. Maybe some of that might just go back to my time of service of like, yeah, wake up and do do PT first thing in the morning. Yeah, yeah. That's like, why would you do before going to bed? You
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 38:37
don't want to do it for 30 anymore?
Keith McKeever 38:40
Definitely, no, definitely not. It takes a lot to get me up before five o'clock in the morning, that's for sure. It's gonna have to be some sort of an emergency. Like, so. I wanted to break down your your five points. Can you break those down? For us? It the five points of binging sober and some of those five points in your system? And what those mean?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 39:03
The five points. You probably have bullets.
Keith McKeever 39:08
No, I do not have bullets in my notes. But the different aspects of binging sober
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 39:13
well, so they're the main tool. And now the launch I should tell you is January 2023. I am starting focus groups though in December. And I am going to have a military veteran or family members specific focus group in December as well. So I think everybody has my website anyway. Go.
Keith McKeever 39:34
Oh, good reminder. Throw that up there for the viewers. It'll be in the show.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 39:42
Everyone can go there. If you're interested in getting updates on the launch of hashtag binging is over and or to sign up for one of the focus groups. I will have that up within a week, hopefully and it is currently my lead to say the day. I don't know how this
Keith McKeever 39:57
is your election day. It's the ninth of November. So yes.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 40:01
So without giving away too much, you know, pre launch information, the main tool that I have is called the scale of vitality, that's my working title. And what that is, is a way to again, tailor your, your, your methods that you use for escape, you're going to spend some time gaining some more awareness around those things and assign points it's a, it's a detailed process that I'll lead you through via videos, and etc. So you're really going to pay attention to those things and learn, learn how they impact you today, tomorrow, three days from now next week, to control them to start controlling them to pull some things out, like we were talking about earlier. So we hit upon a lot of these points already, like just stop some of those things that may or may not be impacting your energy, it is all about vitality or energy for life. So if I say like, just for an example, I love horror TV, love it, like I am an addict for for television and horror movies, but it impacts my sleep. So if I watch something, or I know that I need to read something positive before bed, meditate before bed. So I will lose points for watching the word TV and then gain points, the idea is to balance or be at zero. Okay, just to give you some insight of things that I've discovered over the past, probably three to five. So I've been practicing this to some degree for about 20 years. But then for the past few years, I've really been paying attention to it because I was like, Oh my gosh, I think I'm onto something here like this really, this is pretty bit like for me, it's been really impactful to help with depression, PTs, my alcohol abuse like all of that. So it some some day, I may find myself at a negative one or a negative two on my my personal scale of vitality, but I might feel great. I may feel great at a negative to what I'm trying to say is, a lot of times and one of the things that this program will really illuminate for people is we tend to like passively live from social ideas of what something is. So let's say this idea of happiness. Like if I'm not looking at what happiness means for me, which might be a negative to on some days, then maybe I feel bad. That leads to me feeling depressed. A lot of times if I think that I'd be running around with a smile on my face, because that's not real people, it's not I know that that's what we're seeing. But it's not real. So a lot of this is really redefining what our own ideas of these very, very impactful constructs mean to us. And then, and then just, you know, having having control and balance of your energy.
Keith McKeever 43:03
That's awesome. I love that you hit on something there because I thought about that, like not only happiness, but success. That's the things like
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 43:10
tells us yes, there's a whole list of that kind of stuff. Yeah,
Keith McKeever 43:14
like society tells you that you need like the house of the white picket fence and three car garage and such as such vehicles and a dog and like all of these things like you have to have that and a job that makes x amount, whatever, to be successful in life. Yeah. No, you don't know. What is your view of success? Yes. You know, because we all have different strengths. We have weaknesses. We have different environmental constraints that happen, you know, economic constraints, whatever, but it's different for everybody. Yep. So yeah, that's, that's interesting. So reflection is definitely definitely a skill people are going to need to sharpen up a little bit for that program.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 43:58
Well, no, I mean, it'll, it'll help sharpen it. It's pretty simple process. Yes, it's a matter of doing it. sharpen it.
Keith McKeever 44:09
That's a good point. Yeah.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 44:10
Yeah. sharpen it during like, that's the whole point is to sharpen it. Yeah. Good point. You're
Keith McKeever 44:14
gonna need it, you're gonna need it to reflect for sure. So let's see. How does How could substance abuse tie into other negative habits, you know, is there you know what? Yeah, I mean, how does it tie into other things? What do you what are you seeing out there for people?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 44:37
Well, we hit on this already the downward spiral. I really I really want to talk about the downward spiral because I think it's important for people to understand exactly what you're saying, like how does that lead to other things? Well, just for me, I, I tend to abuse caffeine. Well, if I do, and I'm like, really, you know, hammering this in but it messes My sleep deep sleep is very, very important to all aspects of life. And so if that happens, the next day, I'll be moody and tired and unproductive and get stressed out, my anxiety goes up, I maybe want to have a drink because my anxiety is going up. If you're not paying attention to this, then you have a drink, maybe you have another drink, maybe you have another drink, then you're screwing up tomorrow night's night of sleep, then the next day, now you're really stressed out. Now your anxiety is through the roof again, you know, like you're, it's just that's the downward spiral. And it to me, like, it's always this term that I've heard, but we never talked about what that means. And I that's, that's what it means. And what I really want to talk about is the upward spiral. That's what hashtag binging sober is about understanding that there is a way up and out of the hole that you've dug yourself into. And there's also a way of preventing yourself from getting there to begin with.
Keith McKeever 45:59
Awesome. Let's see, I've got one more question here for you see if I can kind of read re re change this. Because you've hit a lot of these things. I was going to already on the fly here, I'm changing it. So what can Is there any action steps or advice you have for somebody who's listening to this or watching it? And they're like, Yeah, you know, that's me. I've got addiction to pornography, or gambling or alcohol, drugs, whatever, whatever the case may be. And they're like, Look, I need to redefine my sobriety, like I need to, I need to stop this. Is there any kind of thing that they could do, like right now to put themselves in the mindset to do that?
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 46:45
Well, right now, just that understanding, like if that like, if that like, sirens going off that maybe you need to do something, then absolutely join me in January. But right now, like, congratulate yourself, because that moment of awareness is really, really important. What I love about hashtag, binging sober is that you can be involved in a community or you can do it on your own. Either way, you don't have to identify yourself with this label. Now there is you know, I'm saying like, like you said, like, go to like a gamble gamblers Anonymous meeting, like you don't have to, like, identify 100% with that label in order to make steps for improvement, because that's not what this is about. So my, like, immediate action item would just be like, give yourself a break and some grace, and really reflect on how it's impacting your life, take a few moments journal about it, just do a voice recording in your phone, put some notes somewhere to get it out, you know, out of you and make it like a tangible thing of how this is impacting you. And that you want to take steps to make it better. And then, over time, like what's important is if say, you, you know, don't drink tonight, if you just want to give yourself one night off and drink some water instead, just one night, you know, how do you feel in the morning, like really pay attention to the impact, like really pay attention. Because what happens is, and this is what I've noticed over time, and why it's so important. Now I crave the silver, the sober binges more than the alcohol, like now I crave being clear headed. And having this like this, this place where we all have it. It's just it's like natural zest and energy for life. We all have it. That's what vitality is. But we're just constantly I don't know that they're. So I would just ease into that kind of practice. If you feel so inclined. Please get you know, professional help. I think that's fantastic. Or peer support, like you said, like, Call a friend, tell somebody the power of words or the power of saying that you're going through this is so enormously healing. And that's something that you will never know unless you say it or do it or become aware of it.
Keith McKeever 49:15
I like that. Have you have you by chance. Do you know or have you I don't know if you've been on this podcast but Richard Kaufman so he's a good friend of mine.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 49:24
I heard your Yeah, I heard your podcast with him. So
Keith McKeever 49:27
he's, he's been on twice and he has part of his slogan is a T shirt just says today I decide. Oh, I love that kind of made me think about that for a second. Yeah, if you're if you're listening to this, and you're like, Yeah, I got a problem. And I need to take the steps to work on it. Like today's the day to say I want to change.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 49:44
Yeah. Isn't that gorgeous? I mean, life is but like you can't have good stuff. But you can always decide to change In the moment,
Keith McKeever 50:01
absolutely. Well, nothing happens without deciding something. Right? We're faced with choices all day every day. So, you know, it takes that choice to do something different. So
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 50:11
exactly. 51% of you I remember somebody I think it was my older sister said, and she got it from somewhere else. But in order to make a decision, 50 You have to want something 51% That's it. Right? Well,
Keith McKeever 50:24
that's a good point. Like,
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 50:26
what? Like, pushes you over to the actual action is 51% of a desire. That's a good point is attainable, I think.
Keith McKeever 50:37
Yeah. Yeah, that's very simple. Simply put, but But yeah, it's true. So, you know, for those that that have decided or want to do something we'll have you know, got it in the show notes there. It was scrolling there for a minute, so people can reach out and get into your hashtag, binging sober, you know, or they don't want to do it. And they just want to try what on your own or with a counselor or whatever. You know, there's two veterans here talking to you. And we'll both say the same thing. Like just do something. Yeah, like, do something. Because at the end of the day, we were all battle buddies, and we want our battle buddies here. That's the worst day. Absolutely. If you don't get this under control, we know that the alternatives is suicide, overdose or homelessness, let's hope or one of the other I mean, that's, that's the three problems that affect our, our community right now. And everybody puts a lot of talk into suicide, and rightfully so because that's losing somebody permanently. But, you know, substance abuse and homelessness feed heavily into that. Well, absolutely.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 51:45
Absolutely. So that's, that's the bottom of the downward spiral.
Keith McKeever 51:50
Don't reach bottom, don't respond if somebody's offering a handout or a way up or take it so well call me I appreciate you coming on and sharing with us and giving people some inspiration and a path that they can take.
Colleen Ryan-Hensley 52:04
Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate you having me, Keith.
Keith McKeever 52:07
Yep, no problem. All right, there you go. Folks. Remember, you could check on my website for information and resources on various topics. And as I always say, if there's something that's not on there and you think you should please reach out, let me know. Love to add it as long as it's providing value to the to the community. And remember, if you're struggling right now, the suicide hotline number is 988 Press one, where you can text 838255
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
