Path To Fulfillment
The path from leaving the military to finding fulfillment in life can be difficult for any of us to achieve. Empowerment coach, Nicky Morris, who served in the British Army as a Bombardier discusses both Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and how it has shaped his view in relation to veterans and fulfillment. From mindset to values and finding purpose to building the needed structure these all point to eventual fulfillment. Every one of us fits somewhere on this journey and Nicky dives deep into each and gives some actionable advice on how to get to the next level.
Battle Buddy Podcast Guest Links:
https://www.nickymorris-theveterancoach.com/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/593390335062301
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicky-morris-29b87444/
Battle Buddy Podcast Links:
Transcript from Episode 46 with Nicky Morris:
Keith McKeever 0:06
Buddy with Keith McKeever. Hey, welcome back to another episode of the battle buddy podcast. I have our first international guest on the battle buddy podcast. I've got Nicky Morris, from the British Army. And Nikki, welcome to the battle buddy podcast. Thanks for having me, Kate. Appreciate it, man. Yeah, I am really looking forward to this conversation, as I was just telling you a few minutes ago, you're in as we talked a couple of weeks ago to what we're gonna talk about today, I think is really, really powerful stuff. I think any veteran listener can identify themselves at some, at some point in this pyramid, all the way from mindset to fulfillment. And hopefully, we'll have some good nuggets to get people to go from one step to the next. But before that, tell us a little bit about your story. How did how'd you end up in the, in the British Army? And would you do and, and all that stuff?
Nicky Morris 1:00
How long have you got? Um, so I was I was the youngest of five. I didn't have the, the most privileged childhood to be honest, because my mom was fairly Oh, she suffered a bit of a senior, she passed away when I was 12. And then after that, I developed a bit of a wart mindset, I kind of become aggressive and and needed help. But I went through school got kicked out score 15. They knew I was I there was no, I was no use in the school. So they kicked me out of there. And then they sent me to college. I lost it two years, and I got kicked out there. So and it wasn't looking great. For me. It was it was I was going down a bad road basically. So I just skate my arraignment by silence join the army. So I've done six years in the army, I served once over one two of Afghanistan, I've been to Kenya done an exercise in Kenya, to in Canada, six weeks in Canada, and then went back and said that further three months, and I left in 2012 I had a pretty rough transition, I actually left to become a personal trainer. Soon after my dad passed away to a stroke. And I was living with him at the time I was very little money at the time. Still trying to find my feet. No identity, didn't know what I wanted in life, I was just at this crossroads. And then he passed away. And I just remember thinking, you know, this is twins, I was 24. At the time, I've lost both parents now. And it is, you know, this is a bad deck of cards I've been dealt, but I just remember thinking I've got a roof over my head, that's the best at least I've got somewhere to live a little bit. And I know that a letter was going to come through the posts a few months later to give me an eviction now, so I had to get the property because it was government owned. And basically got passed from a mum down to my dad, and it can't get passed down to So in UK. So yet by law Nightscout I ended up in a paper a local newspaper, which caught some traction, and I eventually getting a property, which was a one bed rented flat. Very small, but I got still with what I got. And I still started to went down a little bit of a bad road after that, I must admit, I spent a lot of time you know, rock and roll in on the weekend and drinking and all the rest of it and but I pulled myself back through self development really went down this what started this journey of self development and just proceeded and got to come a veteran coach and I knew this was a it was a common theme that veterans feel directionless, they lack identity, and they're not too sure which path they want to go. And I began to realize that it really boils down to mindset, values. Purpose structures, a big one, because we have structure when we serve, but we don't always structure our lives, how according to our values when we leave so we can just feel lost. And this is why I'm doing what I'm doing now.
Keith McKeever 4:16
Absolutely. I think it doesn't take very far to or very long to look around in our community and see veterans that are struggling without you know, any kind of purpose just spinning their tires in the mud, just hoping that they get some traction and go somewhere, you know, without anything but I'm curious on the personal development stuff was Was there a certain inspiration? Was there certain people that you were reading or following on online? That kind of helped you?
Nicky Morris 4:47
Yeah, so it was kind of really weird how it happened really because it just started off. I was searching for something. And I didn't know what I was searching for. But I was kind of trying to keep my brain busy so to speak. I was always video YouTube videos and looking into proctor. And he really was the one that really started to, you know, change the way I thought a little bit. And then I started to dive deeper into Dr. Joe Dispenza. read his book, breaking the habit of being yourself. And then I started to invest in myself such as, but come part of wealth building programs, mindset programs, and a followed a little bit of well, it's a little bit fairly quite a lot, Dr. John Demartini. And I really began to realize that it's, it's, it's down to our values and our purpose and really our mindset. And also, being around certain people, when I started to invest in myself being around certain people was it, I started smart, my perception started to alter, and I started to see how other way other people was living their lives. And I also then rate really start thinking, Oh, hang on a minute, if these people are really living, I know this is also like, a perception of what what people live like, but people are becoming successful or being happy. What a veteran struggle so much, because we've got everything concerning me to be able to succeed in life. And this is when I really started diving into it. And it's really dancer, purpose, values, direction and identity. So it really does for me, it took her it took a big soul searching journey really, to really discover what it is, who I was, and what, who I am and what I want to do with my life. So this is why I was
Keith McKeever 6:40
and all those, you know, I think this center somebody on on whatever path they're going in life, and I've done a lot of reading and kind of stepping back and looking at successful people. And it's interesting that it doesn't mean that they're happy, but people who are successful, they are uniquely themselves in, in a make no secret about what kind of path that they're on. You know, they're, they are themselves, they do what they do like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, I mean, a lot of these guys, they've, they've made a lot of money, they've been super successful, done a lot of things. And they are exactly, you know,
Nicky Morris 7:17
and it's a common thing. They're all doing something they love, you know, and it's really about finding what it is you want. And if you don't know what it is you want, then it's it sometimes it can be something that's holding you back and you're not aware that's holding you back. So it could be your low self worth, low confidence, any any beliefs, any limiting beliefs that may that may be getting in the way subconsciously, unconsciously we don't know, until we really start to and this is what I do with my, my clients is research to before I look at it myself, and even my clients is like an onion, and we just peel back the layers. So we get to what it is, you know, because there's many things that do hold us back, there's many things as helped me back in the past mindset barriers and, and stuff like that. And it's just really about peeling them back and, and getting to that root core, what is it that really lights you up? What is it that you're here for, and then also discovering our values as well. So
Keith McKeever 8:16
it's good point. And I think it's probably important to realize that some of those, some of the things that hold you back are your fault, or you have control over. Other things don't I mean, you know, socio economic issues, you know, there's, there's some things that are kind of out of your control, that you can start to affect, maybe you could start to kind of work around, but I think almost everything that you can at least take some steps to overcome. You got bigger hurdle, everybody's gonna have different hurdles, and then the next person but,
Nicky Morris 8:50
and, and this is it. But if you haven't got an end goal, if you haven't got that picture in your mind of the longer game. If you don't govern your life, your life's gonna be gone for you. And if if you've got something that's in your mind's eye, that something that's greater than yourself some something that lights you up, you ain't gonna really be getting distracted by the day to day distractions. You're essentially okay, this is an obstacle, how do I get around it? If you haven't got nothing, you kind of just go around in circles, you know? So it's really about having that thing that drives you forward.
Keith McKeever 9:23
Yeah, going around in circles. thing is that's tough to watch. You know, I've got some people that I'm friends with, that I've been friends with for a while on Facebook, I would say I'm like close friends with them. But you start seeing trends with some people that are just spinning the tires of life. And you see their posts what was me, you know, why is this happening to me? And it's like, this is deja vu over and over and over again. I've seen the shopper play out in their lives multiple times over the years. They're not doing anything, can't hold down a job. What was me relationship issues like Sometimes you're tripping over your own feet. And that was me, mate.
Nicky Morris 10:04
That was me. And I really was bought it that bought down to my childhood trauma. So I found that only really want to start to work on myself and start to learn about the brain and us as humans and stuff. And it, I was consistently constantly running away from something. And it was unable to tell I've got a trauma. So like, looked at and seek professional help, that, you know, I felt, okay, you know, or I was stopped, I stopped, I stopped running away from things. So again, run away from school college, even though I'll be honest, that they'll join the army, I didn't want to be in there. I'll be honest. I didn't, it was because I was at a crossroads and on didn't know, you know, I had to escape my environment. So my dad said to me, I remember walking home and walking into the living room and said to him, got to join the army. You can't join the army. So you kind of get yourself out of bed in the morning. And that that's that planted a seed in my mind. And I said, Ron, I'm going for it. So I kind of joined the army for ego.
Keith McKeever 11:04
Somebody doubting you to to plant that that seed.
Nicky Morris 11:08
Hmm. And that's, that's so I was constantly running away from something, you know, until I really started to begin to work on myself. That's when it's, you know, I stopped running away from things and I started to look forward to the future and started to really find what would light me up and make something meaningful to me.
Keith McKeever 11:28
It's awesome that you that you found that thing, but was there was there certain event that that happened where that was like your brick wall in front of you on that, and never ending circle that made you take a detour and get off that path?
Nicky Morris 11:43
It was, it's kind of weird how it happened. It even though I always was going on to the next thing. I was on glad it happened that way. Because it's a quite a, it was they were all stepping stones. Every job was a stepping stone, every investment in myself was a stepping stone. And it's brought me to here. So this is an it's took a lot of trial error, money, energy to get to here. But this is why I'm doing this now. So they haven't got to do this out there. No veteran has got to do the same. But there was just trying to think there was a point. I think it was probably around about three years ago, when I just you know, I was driving a crane I was a crane operator on tremendous asthma said, This is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. This is this, there must be something and the more I started to learn about the brain, and I was like, this really interests me like this psychology stuff. And this is only really beginning. I'm soon to be an NLP Master Practitioner this year. But that's not the end, this is gonna want to keep going, you know, and start just the more I learn, the better.
Keith McKeever 12:54
Absolutely, I think the result is it feels like either people take a path, like you do just little tiny, incremental changes can put them on a path, or they hit absolute rock bottom. Like, there is no other choices, absolutely nothing else they can do. But to get off that path. Yeah, or, you know, unfortunately, there's not where, you know, nowhere else to go, but six feet under or, you know, or even, you know, there's a lot paths there. But yeah, it's, uh, I think, you know, everybody kind of, when they change things around to have one of those two kind of things like, look, this is strictly I cannot go any more down this path or small, incremental changes, I think my path in a lot of ways was more than incremental change, of like, I, you know, I've got these visions, I got these goals, these things I want to do. And if things don't, don't align, like if it doesn't add any value to me, like I don't pay attention to it, like the news. Yeah. attention to the news. I don't read the news and see what's going on. That's all I care about. I you know, I just want to know what's going on in the world. I don't care to sit there and listen to you know, 24 hours opinions of somebody else's on what's going on.
Nicky Morris 14:09
I'm very, very conscious of what I allow, that enters my mind. It's the most of my opinion, but the news is just fear driven. And I don't want that installed in me. So yeah, I'm trying to be an empowerment coach. I don't exactly get voted me in so
Keith McKeever 14:28
but I mean, that's an important aspect of it is cutting out, you know, the negative stuff, you know, because that stuff can distract you. Yep, in some ways, but uncle told me, you know, the transition stuff, because your story's a lot like a lot of other people, you get out and you lose all that structure, you lose all that stuff, and you kind of start back off at the bottom. You kind of hit it talked about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. How do you kind of do that in the in the veteran space?
Nicky Morris 15:00
The actual Maslow's needs or the
Keith McKeever 15:03
talk about that first.
Nicky Morris 15:04
So Maslow, as we know, he was a psycho as a psychologist that leveled off the human needs in form of a triangle, which is triangles to strongest shape, and he leveled them off. So you needed a certain number of human needs met before you have the motivation to go on to the next level, right at the bottom, we've got physiological needs without those without those needs, we are not live, right, it's our chemical balances. And if you go up another level, we've got safety, which is I'm sure we can, unless we are under fire, or, you know, in the thick of it on tour, we essentially have quite a lot of safety, you know, it's quite a secure role. It's we have, we get fed, we, we we have accommodation. But if you've got the next level got love and belonging, which is the belonging is the huge one that the Brotherhood, the sisterhood. And again, if we go up another level, which is the self esteem, the confidence, respect of others, that's that level, we forgot but another level got self actualization, which is confidence, problem solving creativity. And I began to realize that as a soldier, we have all their needs met, because we we have the love and belonging, we have the self esteem and a covenant confidence because we are built that way we're built to have this confidence, we don't have confidence and we're gonna, we're not going to be very great in our job. And also the problem solving I look at the problem solving and the creativity the problem solving, depending on your rank, probably you would have been problem solving most most of the time and creativity I look at it like rock drill sense of achievements, one as well sense of achievement, you know, maybe doing a bit of physical PT on an out somewhere and you push each other through it, and then you get you know, your finish and it's rewarding, you know, medals parades, coming on to see your families a sense of achievement, just wearing a uniform in general. But when you leave, you lose the love and belonging straightaway. You feel isolate, I did personally off and I feel isolated. Because you feel isolated, you feel different to everyone else in in society, you feel lack of confidence and a lack of self esteem. Now, we're very results driven, I think as veterans or soldiers, but we leave if we go into a nine to five and we're not watching till nine to five 5pm. And it's not really fulfilling that this gun is coming, we're gonna lose some human needs there. And it's gonna, then this is the thing it's, it's this is where we lose our identity, we can feel lost. And yeah, that's just not it's it's a very common thing. And this is why I've do what I do. Because I know we've got we want all the things back. And it's chances if is, if it boils down to values. I look I said to you before, if we look at life as a journey, and your values are your signposts. So if I feel, for example, my values if I've got if I'm going down a road, and you know, I've never been there before, for example, like if I'm doing something new, and something feels off, does this align with my values is this really what I want to do do not mean so it is not aligned with our values where we feel disempowered. And if we're disempowered, we can essentially be running our life off to the amygdala, which is the survival part of the brain, instead of using the forebrain, which is the front and creative part of the brain. So yeah, that's that's, that's, that's basically my philosophy behind why we struggle when we leave. And the Maslow's thing is something I go off all the time.
Keith McKeever 18:48
Yeah, we told me that when we first met, and we're chatting, actually, both things you said there plus the roadmap and the signposts, it was just like, a different way of thinking about it. But I was like, wow, that's, that's, that's really powerful. Because all of us, we get out, we take the uniform off, we are no longer even though you might be faced with friends with your, you know, your former teammates, but you're not working with them day in day out, the government has put somebody else in to fill your slot. They are now training with your old teammates. And you may be connected, you may send Facebook messages every now and then. But you're out of that loop. You're not there, you're not as important to them. Because let's face it, when when you go to war, I mean, the most important thing to you is the person to your left and to your right. You know, they are the reason you're there they are the reason you fight. Regardless of you know, any any other reasons, you just wanna stay alive. You wanna keep them alive, like, is basic. But then you lose all that in in your you're back in the civilian world, and you're like, okay, all right. Now, I'm 2425 26 What am I going to do for that? the next 40 years of my life until I can retire. Mm hmm. I try to tell, you know, veterans all the time, especially the young guys getting out like, this is a big part of who you are, or who you were, it can still be a big part of who you are. But realize that you have a whole nother career or two, you have 20 3040 years left to retire, you only spent five years and six years and 10 years, you have 20, you get 40 years old here, you know, retire 20 years, at 38 years old, 40 years old, somewhere in there, you got 25 more years of work life before you retire.
Nicky Morris 20:40
And this is the thing is you don't I think as veterans, which is the message I'm trying to get, you need to realize how powerful you are. Because you've got a better chance than most people you're not above average performer, as being trained to be a soldier, you know, you just need to tap into them internal rules, resources that you that you've used before, that they're still there, but it's just tapping into them to be able to, first of all, find out what it is you want. And then let's get you on the road there too. So you can exhale in whatever that area that it is, you know,
Keith McKeever 21:15
we're very disciplined. Leadership is taught from the very beginning. You know, one way or another you are a leader, and that just expands the higher up the ladder you go. Yep. The creativity. I mean, hey, sometimes you got to make something out of nothing. Get the job done. Yeah. Well, leadership says do XY and Z, you got to go find find out what to do to achieve
Nicky Morris 21:36
work. Teamwork, robustness, communication skills, resiliency, resilience. It's an attention to detail. It's, it's the list is endless. It really is.
Keith McKeever 21:49
If you compare this to, because I just finished my bachelor's degree. And I had some group projects with some traditional 2122 23 year old students. And it was eye opening to me how they had none of those skills. no desire, no passion, no vision, no, no accountability. They just didn't care. And it was so infuriating to me. I was just like, I just want you I don't know if they did. I don't know if the British Army did this. But you know, do the knife hand, you know, like, putting all the things like this is like a, you know, this is what this is what should get serious. Like, sometimes I just want to do that to the computer screen of like, get your stuff taken care of. Yeah, get in line, get on the team, like you know, and it's like, you know, they're never going to do that. And those are skills. We learned those skills from a young age, and they're beat into our heads constantly, every day that we serve. So that the skills I've heard a lot of people talk about that in transition, like don't forget your skills, like on your resume stuff. But yeah, so I want to ask you about that, because I think that's really important to set up the rest of this conversation.
Nicky Morris 23:08
Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's skills is something that's, you know, like I said, on the on the pyramid, when I, when I put the post that I was going off of this over the top, the bottom was mindset. And mindset is something that we've developed, we have developed, it's still there. It's just a little bit directionless, the values, you're not too sure what your values are, you leave the you leave the forces you live, you're in the forces, and you live by their values. But when you leave, you have no idea what your own values are. So it's really about discovering your own values. And then it's also about purpose, because if we are filling these internal voids by this scarf, the Maslow's hierarchy needs a sense of achievement of longing for fill in all those voids, chances are, and I've done this, personally, I used external things, such as drink and spending too much and eating rubbish food, and just, yeah, just going down a bad road using external things to to fill my internal needs, that that's kind of that's gonna fix them internal voids for a short amount of time, but it's going to come back worth tenfold after in the long run, it's about short term pain, for long term gain. And this is where it's really about discovering what it is you want. Once you discover what it is you want your purpose, your passion. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but because you've got something there, that you're it's a roadmap essentially you just got to follow it and it's you can use your discipline you robustus your persistence, your ever your mindset, to be able to be able to achieve that whatever it is, you may it may be and then there's the structure. How do you structure your life according to your values around because no chances if you are in a nine to five and you are working Looking to support your family and yourself, and you've got this end goal that's outside of the nine to five, you need to create structure that's going to move you forward, still keep you in a nine to five, but also have that work life balance. And then once you there will be a point, once you get past that stage, and you actually go get get to the thing you want. That's when you get to that level of fulfillment, because you're doing something that you love.
Keith McKeever 25:29
Absolutely. The end goal for everybody. So, to back this up and kind of go through each stage, how? How can we start to shift our mindset, you know, to put us on that path of fulfillment? Is there any tips or tricks that you that you coach people, for me, looking in that direction?
Nicky Morris 25:47
Yeah, for me, mindset was something, I had to work on intensively. Again, I don't watch the news, I'm very conscious of what goes in my mind. Books. Because it's alters your perceptions. And it makes you allow you to think think differently, think bigger. Meditation, if meditation helps go for it. I personally meditate. Because it's quiet. In my mind, it sets me up for the day, morning routine, which is, I personally, I get up, I meditate, and then I go running, I come home, and I find myself in a freezing cold shower. And then I'm ready to work for the rest for that for the day. Mindset is also nutrition, what are you eating, it plays a key role in our mood. And don't be try not to be I can't say don't be but try not to be tried to be quite emotionally intelligent. So the way I have a formula that is your thoughts, create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions, create your results. Now, we can't always, we can't always change our thoughts because they're like wild horses. But they just come and go as they please. So we can't really help that. But what we can do is change our emotions. So fulfill a certain way, or I feel I've had something's gone wrong, and I don't feel happy, I feel in a way that doesn't serve me, then I'll take action. If you take action, if I wake up in a bad mood, I'll go running, I'll come back, it changes my state. So it's always about taking action to change your change your emotions, you might even be at work, take 10 minutes out, put your favorite song on something something little. And just, if you keep doing that, you're slowly going to start training yourself to be able to control yourself and think and think and think a different way and think think better. That would say that that was where I would start.
Keith McKeever 27:52
That's good. Well, I like the music one. That's, that's something I've used, you know, when, when you can be kind of self reflective a little bit on yourself. And be honest with yourself. There's certain times where I've definitely just feeling more down or less energy even, you know, just not feeling 100% out it for the day, especially in these winter months where it's all gray skies and cold. And you know, it just sucks. You know, it's not like it's a warm, sunny day, or it gives you some energy but you know, sometimes just just turning on some music, you know, some some different jams. Or sometimes if I'm super excited, and I've just got a lot of things going on. And I've just got a lot of energy and put on something smooth and mellow some classical music and jazz. I don't know something, you know, if I need energy boost, it's actually listened to a lot of soldier heart and some some veteran rappers and listen to some of that stuff. And, you know, I can snap out of it kind of course correct in the middle of the day, just a couple of songs 10 to 15 minutes. So that's a good one. Because I've seen that work for myself. Yeah, just just slight mood altering throughout the day. So yep. But once once somebody kind of goes from that mindset, and they've got that kind of stuff taken care of. How can they take a look at their values and their morals? And kind of set those as their signposts on their path? How should they start looking at that?
Nicky Morris 29:21
So it's really about if you are feeling like you don't want to do something, then that is clearly not aligned with your values. So I asked a number of questions and it's, it's really about it. It's questions that start from from young, what did you perceive to be missing most in your life? Because that's the number that's that's what, what you what was your biggest void as a child is essentially your biggest value as an adult, believe it or not. So mine is family and my kids because I didn't have parents when I was younger. And it's different for everyone. It's different for everyone. But I have run for 1313 questions. But if, if I was to not know these questions, then I would look into the values, values tests. That's what I would say I wouldn't. It's tough for me to say, do this and do that. But you would want to do go into a values test.
Keith McKeever 30:16
Awesome. Well, if you have any ideas for some values, tests, send them to me, and I'll put them in the show notes. Yeah. So somebody can just go right there and get it. That's a good way to think about that. A values test. Yeah, there's out there on the internet for everything so that I can point somebody in the right direction. I can see that.
Nicky Morris 30:35
Yep. And if there is a number of questions, I'll send you a link on afterwards.
Keith McKeever 30:39
Yeah, that'd be awesome. So once they've gotten to that point, how do they start looking for their purpose?
Nicky Morris 30:48
Is it really a soul search? It's, again, what it can boil down to your past, what have you been through that go that that you can look back on, that you've that you can use. So for example, if I had never lost my house, and my, my father, soon after I left the military, I probably won't be doing this now. So I've used kind of used that as an as an asset and really using that now. But there's going to be a difference between passion and purpose. Purpose is something that's going to you feel like that's what you're here for. But your passion is something that's going to light you up. And yeah, that's the difference between the two.
Keith McKeever 31:39
Yeah, that definitely takes some some soul searching like No, myself, you know, I lost my father when I was 16. And so, my kids have obviously never met their grandfather on that side. And I lost both my grandfather's by the time I was 11. So I never had that grandfather Grandson relationship, you know, take him to the store, go fishing, stuff like that. And my kids really haven't had that much, you know, that kind of relationship really, with anybody except for my stepdad. But, you know, so that drives me, you know, my passion and my purpose. You know, I hope that someday my kids grow up, grow up, meet the love of their life and have kids of their own. Because I wouldn't be the coolest grandpa in the world. Want to be able to do for my grandkids? What I never got to do with my grandparents? Yeah. You know, that is one of my passions and purposes in life. And, you know, God willing, you know, they gave me some grandbabies, hopefully about 10 or 15 years, you know, closer to the 15 year mark, for now. But, you know, that's, you know, that's one of the things you know, I personally look for, just as a small example, you know, just figure out what those things are that are important to you. And where you want to be,
Nicky Morris 32:53
yeah, this is it, what lights you up inside? If you was to be dead in five years, what would you do within the next five years? I know, it sounds very morbid, but it really wakes people up. And these are this is this is why our culture is quite powerful because it's just really it people are different cultures like this. Come on, get down get down is thought provoking questions. So you ask a question, it could follow the into deeper questions that David before you know it your way deep into the into that person into that, and it's really peeling back the layers and bringing it out of them what it is because there's we all have something, we all have something, it's just really about tapping into that. And going back to your your wire with your with your with your children. For example, say you didn't like exercising, this is something I do this morning, I really don't want to do it, I really don't want to I don't want to get up and I don't want to train but because I link my values, my highest my values, my children, I link my health with my, with my family, so you can link your values as well. So it's something to go off of. So if I don't want to try and think no, you know, health family, you know, because obviously, I want to be it for a long time. So it's something that you can link them as well.
Keith McKeever 34:07
Yeah, that's a good one. And yeah, there's, you know, there's just a lot of lot of things in your past that can shape you like, you know, going back to my father passing away, you know, just like legacy. You know, I became aware I heard it somewhere, once. And don't get me wrong, I'd love to leave an inheritance for my children. But it's better to leave a legacy than an inheritance. And I've seen I've had some wonderful role models in my life, who are the kind of people who just did good for others all the time. One of my grandmother's was that way, you know, and I definitely I look at my life because life is short. My dad was 51 I'm turning 37 this month. So, you know, I look at that like, wow, okay. Yeah. When you said, you know, say pretend you're dead in five years. I think about that in the back of my mind. You know, I really do like my father had cancer. I think about it like that. Hey, look at you know not to sound morbid or down and depressed, but we're all affected by, you know, cancer or other diseases. And it's just like, look okay, all right. I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm going to, I'm going to get some devastating news. At some point in time, my life, I'm probably going to have a hard fight. Who knows what the future brains? But what am I doing today? To kind of submit that legacy? What am I doing today to do better for other people? Because I've only got so much time on this earth just like you do.
Nicky Morris 35:27
Yep. Yep. And there's another, there's another way you could look at it as well. What do you want? So someone's to get up and say, a speech at your funeral? What are they going to say about you? So you live your life by that speech, like she used to, you can literally be the best. And this is in a book seven, seven habits of highly effective people, you're going to read that it's, that's the scene there as well. And it really hits home, like, what is that speech going to look like? or sound like? So you, you want to be that person? You know,
Keith McKeever 35:57
I've always looked at it, like, would would anybody even care to show up? You know, we all see here in the United States, we're veterans, like you see in veterans groups where a veteran passes away, and somebody finds out about it, and they share it on Facebook and say, Hey, if you're in this town to this day, this veteran passed away has no family, no friends, nobody's going to be there for their funeral. Yeah, and it's just like, man, you know? That's house. Yeah. They don't even have anybody there to be there for them friends and family. But be there's, there's, you know, there's no legacy, what do they do? You know, and then at least, you know, and then inevitably seems like, you know, tons of people show up, especially veterans to show their support and say, hey, you know, I don't I didn't know you. But, you know, we're here for you. You know, last thing we can do for you. So that there is some sort of legacy, but not to like live your life by design in some way. You either
Nicky Morris 36:51
live it by design, or you live by default. So you wrote you literally you are running on autopilot. And this is not perfection. This is this is this, everybody? Sure. And it's and it's because somewhere along the line, there is going to be subconsciously or unconsciously, there's going to be beliefs that are going to hold you back. You know, money is not important. Stay granted. Money is evil is the, you know, there's many there is many, they subconsciously we don't we're not aware of it, but they can hold us back and also self confidence and self worth as well. And this is something I've realized as well, because we're born into this world. And straightaway we're born. And we have these two people that we look up to and they they're our parents, okay, that whatever they say whatever they do is right, no one else is right. They are right. And what you know is that that's how we that's how we perceive things when we're children. And we put we subordinate ourselves, we put them on a pedestal, we support ourselves, and we go into school. And then we see these teachers and you know, they're great at what I do. And it is taught math teachers, English teachers, and we subordinate ourselves, we got to join the army, we go in day one, and we have our head shaved. And in, you know, there's a guy standing or a girl standing there with two or three stripes on their chest. straightaway, we subordinate ourselves every time subconsciously, we're lowering our self worth. Alright, and then when we did, they will leave the military, we can leave. And this is why we can effectively have low self worth or low confidence when we leave because it's kind of we've always looked at to someone on a pedestal. And this isn't, this is not a what a good way to you should look at everyone is the same as you. We're all the same, just different skills.
Keith McKeever 38:47
But you have a way of just shaping some things. But we don't
Nicky Morris 38:54
know when or when aware of that. We're not aware of it. Um, yeah. And it's a mess while we can we can struggle when we leave, because it's like, everything's in our hands. Where's the CELT word? Where's the confidence? You know, even though we do have it because we have it as a brotherhood, or sisterhood, shall I say? Yeah, and then when we find ourselves when we're on our own, it's like a stripped away of the of the teamwork and all the rest of it. And it's like, it's just us. And it's just our confidence and just our self worth. And we've been subordinated this all these all these times through from birth all the way through. And then when we leave it can, it can have an effect. And I found this on my first I'm sorry, my second job. I wouldn't even go speak to the manager because I just felt low self worth, even though I'd served. It didn't help. It didn't know.
Keith McKeever 39:49
Yeah, I was kind of looking. I was kind of thinking about that for a second in my brain of like, so you get out and you find yourself back and struggling. And you have this limiting belief on your worthiness. And then what do you end up doing, you go get a job. And you think some people just take a job just to take a job, not realizing that where their skills and the things that they've learned, give them a lot more worth, you know, and they just take what they can get. And then it starts the cycle of just spinning.
Nicky Morris 40:19
Yep. And also, that comes down to values as well. You know, if we value results, or we value, we value results, or we've had a sense of achievement when we serve, we don't work in a nine to five, where's the sense of achievement? There is none. There is none. And you know, we're not living according to our values. There's no creativity if we go and just go and get. I'm not saying everyone should be like an entrepreneur or business owner, it's really down to the person. But that's why I think most most do struggle, because we we value results and deadlines. And, and yeah, getting it done, and then we can find ourself tick tock in, in a job.
Keith McKeever 41:06
Yeah, I think that's why a lot of well will say a lot. But you know, there, there is a good amount of veterans end up as entrepreneurs starting their own businesses, you know, because they've gotten to a certain point where they're like, look, I've got these values and these skills, but the last thing I want to do is work for somebody. I want to be the person I want to be in charge. I think once somebody gets to that point, they're They're obviously a little farther along on this path than that some others, but there's definitely, I think, a reason for that. Yeah. I mean, they're like, look, I'm worth more than that. I can do this. They've got the confidence. They've got the vision, the plan, the purpose.
Nicky Morris 41:41
Mm hmm. Yeah. And that's and, you know, business entrepreneurship is, fulfillment comes from serving others, whether it is monetized or not. It's where there's where there's fulfillment, there's reward. So it really comes from service, I believe, serving other people helping other people, that's where you get real fulfillment. Yeah, absolutely. If you've served your show, if served your country, and you wore the uniform, chances are you're you're feeling a level of fulfillment.
Keith McKeever 42:14
Absolutely. So the the next step is structure. And this is probably something that's surprisingly difficult for I think, some veterans because I've talked to some, and it's like, they've got no structure in their life. But they're seemingly successful, you know, they're, they're doing well enough. But sometimes there's no structure, they can't manage their calendar can't manage certain things, just no. No structure, trying to think of another word there. But, you know, there's just nothing going on. And so how, how could somebody kind of sit down now, now that they're at this point and say, Alright, now we're going to build out the structure. And I have to be dedicated and disciplined in this, which is a skill that we all have, we've all learned. So I can definitely do it.
Nicky Morris 42:58
So you have developed your mindset, by now you have, you know, your values, and you've discovered your passion or purpose. And then you get to the structure point, it's simple, you structure your life according to your values, and your purpose. So it's, whatever seven areas of life, I would personally write down all seven areas of life. So business, family, spirituality, yep, finances, write them down. And then list what you want to achieve within, say, five years, within that, within that time, within them seven areas, and then you want to break it down each each area, you want to break it down into years, months, you broke it down into years, break it down into quarters, and into months. And if you really want to get, you know, into a structured, structured, you can break it down into weeks and days, even. So then, once you break it down into base, you've got them, you've now got habits that you're going to create. And once they're habits, we know that the brain is a program 95% And sooner or later, you're going to do dumb things by the subconscious on autopilot. And you will know as well, if they're not according to your values. They don't serve you. So, you know, it's just really about just just stay into that structure, which is what we're growing as, as veterans, you know. And you all know in terms of values as well, Keith is I'd say to anyone listen to this is reevaluate them every three months, because values shape your identity, and we're, if you're forever growing, you're forever changing. And this is why I say life's a journey. The the values are signposts, so you can always go back to them. You can always go back and reevaluate them and then just structure your life and if you have, if you're living your life, according to them values in almost all seven areas, and you do discover your purpose or your passion and you are serving others, you're going to feel free and you're balanced, okay? It's all about balance as well, because we're gonna make sure we make time for ourselves and our family, because family goes into into them seven areas as well. Once you've got that, then you are going to feel fulfilled. And because you are living a balanced life, your finances are structured, okay, because if your finances are not structured, this is a big one, your finances are not structured and you're living week to week or paycheck to paycheck, then you're essentially living in survival mode, which is, again, it's the amygdala, which is survival mode. And if that's engaged, then we can't live off the we can't use the forebrain, which is the the creative, the bigger thinking part of the brain. So finances is a huge one, they need to be structured. And everything needs to be structured. It's really about just putting in the work. And it's achievable. So he
Keith McKeever 46:03
definitely is, I think I told you a few weeks ago, when we talk that we're kind of looking through this stuff, and and I had always had goals, and they're kind of halfway written down. But for myself this year, I actually, ironically, kind of took the same path. I use the Excel spreadsheet, and I just said, look for a real estate business for my podcast for me personally. Yep, these three categories in my life. Where do I what do I want to accomplish the next five years? And I think, like 10 major items, and then I broke those down and I didn't go, you know, what am I gonna do year by year, month by month, but I didn't break them down. I said, okay, because this was early January, said, What can I reasonably get accomplished this year? Wrote it down. Okay, this is what I want to get accomplished this year. And then I started putting it in my tasks. Like, okay, alright, these, these five tasks on this one thing are reliant on the first five. So you know, second half a year, right. Let me get through the first, you know, get through the first ones. And I tell you what, personally, I have gotten more stuff knocked off my to do list and achieved than I ever thought possibly imaginable. By writing it down, having a broken down what I'm going to get accomplished this year, and taking the action steps to get to it. Yeah, it was that simple. Yep. And my computer, I can pull it up at any point in time. And okay, where I'm at, yeah, highlighted and color coded. You know, where? Where I'm at in the process?
Nicky Morris 47:41
Yep. Yeah, it's, once you start writing it down, if you've got like that blueprint, you'll be surprised what you can achieve. But when we don't have any idea, and nothing structured, it's we look for and we've got no guide, we then fill our day with low priority tasks instead of high priority tasks. Yeah, and you're looking at social media before you're not half the days gone. And then you feel guilt, because you're like, What am I done with myself today? So yes, it's them stages that are laid out there that I believe they are the, they are the?
Keith McKeever 48:23
Well, that's a good one talking about, you know, the negative influences and stuff. And if you really stop and think about how many hours a day that you're on those social media platforms, or you're doing stuff with no purpose, just, you know, kind of going through things. Just imagine the compound effect of of staying off Facebook for just one extra hour a day. Mm hmm. Seven hours a week.
Nicky Morris 48:46
Yep. And I'll say there's always a difference between being busy and being productive.
Keith McKeever 48:53
Absolutely, yeah, I'm
Nicky Morris 48:54
busy, I'm busy. But are you productive? You know, you if it was able to tell him I'm busy, I'm busy. But, you know,
Keith McKeever 49:01
that was me in the past. You know, like, I found these goals. It got me to the point of being productive, being much more structured with my calendar, time blocking, knocking these tasks out, you know, I've just, I've got so many of them done.
Nicky Morris 49:19
Yep. And you're getting a sense of achievement because you're getting them done.
Keith McKeever 49:23
Now, you see the needle move, you know it personally, professionally, all these different things. You see these, these changes? I actually just finished not too long ago, Dr. Hardy's book the compound effect, which was a really great book. You know, it's like just these small just doing some action today. And tomorrow, and the day after and the day after that is going just those little changes will make a huge compound effect over time. Yep. It's always the long game. Yep. Always Always. Our cuts out that this morning, she's like, you know, everybody in this in this society today wants the shortcut. They want it They want this now they want the success now. And it's like, now you have to lay that foundation.
Nicky Morris 50:06
And the again, it goes back to having a bigger term goal, if you're not going to get, if you don't have a bigger, bigger end goal in your mind, you're going to be distracted by things day to day. Because you don't have that thing. Also, we talk about instant gratification is getting worse. It's because, you know, we, you know, we want to order something, I could order something on Amazon, it's at my door tomorrow, you know, I want to go, I want to go and talk to someone, I want to go pop up zoom, I ever got to go and see them. You know, I want to talk to someone, I've just got to message them on Facebook. So it's not our fault. It's just the way society is going with technology. And we're getting what, you know, it's that instant gratification instead of instead of, you know, wait wanting to wait. But yes, just the way the world's going. Unfortunately,
Keith McKeever 50:51
no, just had a, you know, just kind of had a thought there. You know, because you mentioned big goal. And we're talking about a pyramid and getting to the tip right here. This is almost the exact opposite. You're starting with a big goal, at your purpose, what is your purpose, and then at this stage, on the structure, your framing it out, and then fulfillment as all these different things in your life and all these successes and achievements, you know, and across everything once you've got everything centered? So it's kind of a reverse effect. Yep. From that stage, because, yeah, that just really had me like I've always had the big vision in my mind. It wasn't until this year, I started writing things down and saying, Okay, well, here's my big vision, here's what I can do in five years to achieve it. Here's what I would do this year to work towards the five year plan. And then I'll reassess it. And, you know, the five year plan came around for me just because of business. And having been into a couple organizations where we were doing five year strategic plans. Well, I was doing my strategic management Capstone last year. And so it's, you know, it, the universe just kind of aligned to be like, okay, alright, Keith, businesses do a five year strategic plan, where do they want to be what their values and morals are as a company, mission statement, vision statement, all those things? And it was like, I don't even have one personally. Yeah. That was the biggest epiphany for me, I'm like, I am failing myself.
Nicky Morris 52:18
Yeah, and I think I don't know if it's because subconsciously, we don't even go give ourselves permission to want that big thing. Or, you know, it's I don't know, it's, but it's crazy. There's a lot of people that walk around, and it just, we don't have, they don't have these things. And it's, you've got to, you've got to have direction yourself. And you've got a lesson again, this is why mindset is at the bottom of the pyramid, the foundation, the most important part, because if that's not there, it's spoke to you before about it's like having an upside down triangle, we will talk all over, it's really got to be up believing that audio order. And also its mindset, looking after ourselves. First, it sounds selfish, but it goes back to the, you know, when the aeroplane crashes, you put the gas mask on yourself before the children before your children because if you're not good, then they're not good. So it's really about getting yourself fixing yourself with if you need fixing, or, you know, building on yourself, you grow in as a person. And then and then building from that, that pyramid, and then you're going to be the best version of yourself.
Keith McKeever 53:29
Yeah, you don't want to be the weak, weak link in the chain. Yeah, you got to take care of yourself, you know, to put it in the veteran perspective, you know, that the guys in the gals, to your left and to your right, like, don't be the weak link, take care of yourself, you take care of yourself, and you do your job, and you focus on what you're doing. And they do it on theirs, and it makes the whole unit stronger. You know, use the same analogy in your family, you know, house, you and your significant other whatever, your kids, your parents, like, you know, build that. So that was gonna ask about fulfillment. But I think you know, that's a that's a deeply personal thing for everybody, you know, dependent on all those other things.
Nicky Morris 54:08
Yeah, so it's kind of goes, I suppose you could ask the same thing about success. What was successful was what what does success mean to us, you know, was speaking about this before, and you could have, you could have, you could have all the money, you could have it, we could be a multi millionaire, we have a million, multi million pound business, but if you're not happy, are you successful, or you've got someone that is not an six figures a year, but they're balanced, and they are completely fulfilled? You know, in all seven areas of life, they grow in in every seven areas. They got they got balanced with their family, they got too much stress on themselves. And yeah, and this is I think it's different for everyone. Yeah, I
Keith McKeever 54:53
think when I think about success, I think that there's two versions of it. There's your version of success, the standard that you're holding your too. And at the end of the day, that's probably all that matters. It's your life to live. But then you have the outside influences your friends, your family, your colleagues, the people that know you like, it's their vision of success. And it's like, who are they really to say what your vision of successes,
Nicky Morris 55:16
but that's according to their own about their values and beliefs is what a lot of people do, they live their life by someone else's values. So if you're going to a job and not really thinking that the jobs today but if you are, if you go into a job, and you're not happy, wake up every day, and this was me, if you wake up every day, you're not enjoying what you're doing. You're living your life according to your boss's values, and you're not living according to your to your own values and you feeling unfulfilled. You, it goes back to who said this, you need to work hard on yourself and you do your job. So when you come home, you start to begin to if you're not happy, build a plan that what it is you want, then build a plan structure and try and try and make that escape. And so you can get to that level of fulfillment.
Keith McKeever 56:04
Absolutely. Well, we definitely went down the rabbit hole today. You have a pet rabbit. Nikki, I got your your website, scroll on at the bottom for anybody who wants to reach out to you if they're interested in some coaching. It's Nikki Morris dash, the veteran coach comm. It'll be in the show notes for everybody. As well as some of the values tests we'll throw in there, and your social media links and all that stuff. So for the listeners have no fear, it's linked in there on your favorite platform. But any last? Any last thoughts or comments?
Nicky Morris 56:40
Now just thanks for having me on. It's been my second one after us and appreciate you guys man reached out and it's great. I can get my message over over to over to us. So yeah, thanks for having me on. Appreciate Keith.
Keith McKeever 56:51
Thanks for being my first international guest and dropping with. There's a lot to unpack for people in this episode for sure. Something for everybody. But I appreciate it. And it's always a pleasure to talk to somebody who's got some of the same thoughts and opinions on some of these things and personal development because I could probably talk for days on that. But yeah, everybody that be sure you go follow Nikki, on the on the platforms there. And also make sure that you share this, you know, so that even outside the veteran community, you know, there's a lot of people that can get a lot of information out of what we just talked about here. So like, subscribe, follow for me and for Nikki and spread the word. You know, this is this is some helpful stuff for a lot of people. So with that, we'll go ahead and wrap it up. Once again, Nikki, I appreciate you being here.
Nicky Morris 57:40
Thank you for having me might appreciate it.
