Overcoming Mental Health Challenges as a Veteran
Navy Veteran Danny Mayberry, the host of the 1 Mile 1 Veteran Podcast. Danny shares with us his personal story and the origin behind his podcast, which is dedicated to sharing the stories of veterans and their struggles with mental health. Danny also talks about his upcoming podcast and personal journey, and how the 1 Mile 1 Veteran Podcast has shaped his personal journey with mental health. Danny breaks down and shares with us his 5 pillars to a full and healthy life. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who is interested in learning more about the challenges that veterans face with mental health and how they can find support. Tune in now to hear from this great guest.
In This Episode We Cover:
Origin story behind 1 Mile 1 Veteran Podcast
Danny's upcoming podcast and personal journey
How the podcast has shaped his personal journey with mental health
Danny's 5 pillars to a full and healthy life
Battle Buddy Podcast Guest Links:
https://linktr.ee/1mile1veteran
https://open.spotify.com/show/203oyR7SJeJyuba3yN7cWl
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5saWJzeW4uY29tLzQyNzM0OS9yc3M
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/1-mile-1-veteran/id1640347710
Transcript from Episode 98 with Danny Mayberry:
Keith McKeever 0:01
Welcome back to another episode of the battle buddy podcast. It's really, really important as a veteran that you find a way to get up, get engaged, get off the couch, and get yourself active. I know it's a little easier said than done. But my guest today is another podcaster, who's developed a podcast that could really actually help you do that you can learn and you can follow along, you could listen to his podcast, we're gonna talk about getting up getting active, doing some things, and maybe a few other topics. So without further ado, we'll dive right into it.
Welcome to the battle buddy podcast with Keith McKeever.
Swag. Welcome Danny from one mile one veteran. So welcome to show Danny.
Danny Mayberry 0:41
Thanks so much, Keith. How you doing today?
Keith McKeever 0:43
I'm doing good.
Danny Mayberry 0:45
All right on.
Keith McKeever 0:46
So like I said in the intro, man, it's really important for people to get up and get off the couch, which is one thing I really love about your podcast. But before we get into that, let's look, let's hear a little bit of your backstory. What? What's your military journey?
Danny Mayberry 0:57
Yeah, so for me, I joined the Navy seven days after high school went in to be an aircrew rescue swimmer. Unfortunately, I had no real swimming experience and you know, struggled a bit. And then to cap it off. While I was in school, I had some family emergencies come up which, which caused me to request to drop early and get back home and see how my family was doing. So I ended up on designated airman on board and LPD that was on his way to decommissioned in the Navy, right there in Norfolk, Virginia, back home. Of course, I was hanging out with high school buddies and stuff like that, getting into trouble like I was in high school and whatnot. And my command had some really good leaders at it that kind of helped point me in the right direction and suggested that I strike out for another rating. So I started looking around the ship and became a corpsman back in 2004. While I was in core school, I didn't really know much about the rating or what we did other than it was medical, and we get to get stationed with Marines. So I asked to go out to Hawaii, where Third Marines, Third Marine Regiment was and got stationed out there September 30 2004. And I was in Afghanistan by November 6. So about five weeks later, I was on my first deployment, fresh out of training and didn't really have a chance to know my guys, but I was there with with a line company, Lima three, three, and we did a seven months in Afghanistan, after that came back, picked up rank, and got asked to go be part of a military transition team training the Iraqi army at a hadith. And I accepted the position deployed with 1211 other men training the Iraqi army serving in different roles, you know, three to six people outside the wire with with a, you know, squat or or company of Iraqi soldiers. Making sure that they kind of knew how, how to operate properly, training them in the best medical stuff that I could at the time, I mean, as a as a reasonably Junior e4, passing on all the wisdom and knowledge that I had at the time, right?
Keith McKeever 3:20
You could just say rookie. Yeah.
Danny Mayberry 3:23
You know, but it was my second tour. I had some good, some great leaders kind of helped me through Afghanistan and the pre deployment for, for this Iraq deployment. But I'll tell you that that deployment was definitely something that I wasn't mentally prepared for. And when I got back, I had a really hard time adjusting. Again, really good leaders kind of oversaw what I was going through and put me in charge of training, picked up the five right after that deployment and started training marines and sailors and combat lifesavers in tactical combat casualty care. And that really kept me going for about two years before I went to independent duty School in San Diego, and then took orders back out to Hawaii with their Marines and did my third and final combat deployment in 2010. As a senior senior corpsman hmm, one independent duty, overseeing about eight other guys from afford operating base and helping them through it. And when we came back, that stuff that I never took care of after Iraq, started to reemerge in the form of massive anxiety and panic attacks during training operations. And so I decided to ask for help with the PTSD and the subsequent amount of drinking that I kind of realized I was doing and that sweat kind of started leading me along this path of recovery and making sure that I was doing the things that I needed to do to take care of not only my physical body but also mental health.
Keith McKeever 5:03
So is there just was there a point that you realize it was something going on, you know that the drinking or whatnot was was a problem? Or was there somebody a battle buddy along the way that was like, Hey, Danny, you got it, you got a problem here, you need to get this fixed.
Danny Mayberry 5:20
You know, for, for me, there was never anybody in my life that looked at my drinking and said, Hey, that's a problem. When I got back from Iraq, I was dating a woman that I ended up marrying. And we had realized, like, going out and drinking wasn't good. Because I started, I started blacking out really early in the night, and I would get lost. And we kind of have to send out a search party to find me. So in order to combat that, I just drink at home. And it was something pretty manageable. I ended up getting into endurance sports, like triathlons and long distance riding. And so I would wake up at 4am, do endurance running, go to work, you know, train my guys or do my job, then get home, have some drinks with dinner, spend time with my wife, fall asleep, do it all over again. So that was kind of my life for quite a few years. And it was going well. But after that third deployment, my ex decided to join the military. You know, she was always looking for something to do after college. And she decided to join and I went home that day and reached in my fridge. And on, it was a Sunday when I reached in the fridge. And on on Saturday, I had bought a 30 pack of beer for the week, for the week. And I was the only one drinking on Saturday. When I reached into the fridge to grab a beer, there was only about six or seven left. And that's when I went oh no, I'm drinking a bit more than I actually thought I was because that Saturday I also took I drove us out to the movies, and we just didn't think anything of it. So seeing other people have negative consequences of their drinking was a huge motivator for me to say, Hey, I think I need somebody to kind of look at how much I'm drinking and tell me what I should do.
Keith McKeever 7:21
Yeah, I was wondering because I think everybody, everybody who goes through that process and realizes it's either like a self discovery or, or somebody's like tapping them on the shoulder and saying, Hey, you got a problem or a combination of the both. Like, remember me, I used to drink to the point of blacking out quite a bit when I was overseas in Japan. And my tap on the shoulder was my mom all the time. She could tell from a distance, she's like you're drinking is a problem. It's the things I'm hearing is not good. And then when I got back to the States, I was drinking in my apartment wants, drank too much. And I was out of vodka. And I went to the store which was three blocks away. And as as I'm driving there, I know. I'm like I'm all over the fucking road. This isn't good. And I pull in. And I sit there in a car for a minute. And I'm like, that's not good. But then, you know, in a drunk mind, you still go into a store in the store and bought more alcohol and more coke. And I come home and I find myself the door six inches open the next morning, bottles unopened in the bag next to the front door and I'm passed out in my bed. Like dummy nets. sojo, home was not the wisest, but that next morning, I was like, something's got to change. I can't do that shit again. Since then, me personally, like I will not drink more than three to four drinks in any public setting.
Danny Mayberry 8:53
Ever. Yeah. Yeah, I think, you know, for me when I was younger, that was definitely a lot of what my drinking looked like. Because all of my friends drank like that you're gonna surround yourself with people that are kind of reflections of who you are anyways. It's just kind of where people gravitate towards. they gravitate towards people that that do things that they like to do. And I at that age, I like to drink. And so, you know, for me, nobody ever really looked at me and said, Oh, he's he's drinking too much. And for a moment, I kind of doubted that I might have a problem. I thought maybe like I was just dealing poorly with the transition of sending a loved one off off to the military. Until somebody challenged me to just not drink for a week. And I was like, Alright, I cannot drink for a week. Like I do tough stuff all the time. Like no big deal. And I wasn't even able to get two days without a drink. And that's what I was just like, Okay, there's, there's something to this and something needs to change.
Keith McKeever 9:57
I think there's also something go get your two cents on this. I think there's something also to to the, to the military culture of the high stress, the high tempo, the the work hard play hard mentality, if you will, of like, we just we all know a lot of people in service drink a lot. It's just what you do you work hard, you play hard, you train all week, you go cut loose on the weekend, not saying it's necessarily a good thing or a healthy thing, but it's just what happens is, and it's like, that's a dare I say, timeless tradition. It's been happening forever. But that kind of a culture may not be a problem for 90% of people. But for 10%, let's just say, that's, that's a problem. What do you think?
Danny Mayberry 10:54
Absolutely. You know, obviously, there's, there's something to be said of, of peer pressure assimilation or whatever, especially within the Navy, people talk about being able to drink like a sailor, it's part of the heritage. I mean, for, for crying out loud. I went to go surf with the Marines that was formed in a tavern. So drinking, like drinking is, is a part of American culture. I mean, even in the 20s, during Prohibition, we fought so hard to get those bills turned back over so that we can drink freely. You know, we, we try to make laws that restrict it. But all in all, drinking is a huge part of our culture. Unfortunately, for people like me, like, I've always just kind of been an all or nothing person. So if I drink, I'm going to drink, like, I remember, you know, my favorite drinks, was like, I would grab a glass of tequila, and a side of a side of a beer. Like, I just didn't hold back. And I don't hold back in most areas of my life. And it's part of the reason that, you know, we quit our jobs and sold our house to go do this podcast, because I don't know how to drive 45. Like, it's zero to 60. There's no like 30 or 45, in the things that we do and the things that we try to tackle.
Keith McKeever 12:16
You know, I was kind of thinking that when you said earlier, like you joined the Navy, you know, seven days after high school, you know, and then then you end up in Hawaii, then you end up back, you know, just all these other things. I'm like, Yeah, you know, like a handful of other vets that I don't like you don't like grass grown, you know, around your feet for sure. No, always always charged forward. Right. So but that definitely shows you know exactly why you started your podcast. But you know, what, what is the origin story behind your podcast and and what you're doing with one mile and veteran?
Danny Mayberry 12:51
Yeah, so it started. The origin probably started Superbowl weekend. 2020. So pre pandemic stuff.
Keith McKeever 13:03
Just barely prepared. Yeah,
Danny Mayberry 13:05
yeah, just barely pre pandemic. I mean, I had no clue that it was coming. Because I usually pay attention to like, what's, what's going on six bit is six inches in front of my face. You can tell me stuff that's coming down the pipeline. And it's not till it like almost smacks me in the nose that I actually realized that it's upon me. But I was fresh out of a round of therapy. And my wife and I were invited to a friend's daughter's when your birthday party. And I just decided not to go up Friday night, just because I had a long day at work. And I didn't feel like going out and kind of being on in front of a bunch of people. I was already on all day. I just needed some time to kind of decompress. But that night, for the first time, in almost 10 years, I started planning my death again. I had always kind of had thoughts of suicide and wanting to wanting things to end. But it was usually pretty easy to overcome those thoughts because they were kind of routine of like, oh, this is hard. Like I wish I wasn't around anymore. And I would be able to kind of just tell my wife like I'm just not in a good headspace. The thoughts are are there and so I'm going to go out on a run or I'm going to get some sleep or I'm just going to kind of let my mind reboot so that I can be in a better mood tomorrow. No big deal. And so I started to treat it like that. I was like alright, this is no big deal. Let me you know, eat some dinner. Let me put on one of my favorite movies or you know, get some exercise and then get to bed so that I can wake up in the morning and go to church. No big deal. Unfortunately that night it progressed into the planning phase and planning and practice of For the next time that I had some alone time, and that started to scare me, because I hadn't I hadn't gone that far in that direction for almost 10 years. And I and I say that because 10 years was kind of when I asked for help. And I was told that I was going to have to start making arrangements for another career, which was just something completely unexpected. And I had a tremendous amount of support surrounding me then to make sure that this transition happens smoothly. But it's still, you know, it took an emotional toll. So anyways, you know, the planning, progressing, and then into the practicing and stuff like that, and I ended up going to bed because I refuse to I refuse to visually traumatize my wife. And I was like, Alright, let me get to bed, you know, my wife will be home soon. And then I'll wake up and be refreshed and no big deal. Unfortunately, when I woke up and went to church, like the thoughts just persisted, the planning continued. And that was getting really, really scary for me. And I was starting to feel ashamed. I was feeling ashamed, because I was so open with my church and my family about my mental health and PTSD and depression and stuff like that, that I didn't think that these thoughts or actions would have progressed to the point that they had. And I started feeling a lot of guilt. So my wife and I walked home from church. And, and I sat her down on the couch, I was like, Look, I have to tell you what's going on. And I just kind of laid out what had happened the night before and into the morning. And immediately, I felt immediate relief, like the the persistent thoughts, the plants, everything ceased in an instant, because I shared because I shared with her and I tell people, you know, part of the ability to tell somebody, you know, depression or suicidal thoughts is like having an enemy sneaking around your head, trying to find their way in and they only get stronger, the more that they are, the more that they're kept secret, because they can just kind of snoop around and live in the dark. But as soon as you shine a light in that area, they'll fleet a look at scripture and stuff like that for myself and say, like, there's, there's his, there's historical wisdom that teaches us that confession, solves problems. It solves problems in people's lives, like not just spiritually, but also in a real sense. And so as soon as I told her, I felt immediate relief, she had to process what was going on. And she ended up doing the right things, calling the crisis line and stuff like that, utilizing the tools that she had been developing over the last eight years of our relationship, just to make sure that she knew that she was progressing in supporting me in the appropriate way. And so that was kind of the catalyst for something needs to be done in my life. And also the fact that the fact that the things that I had learned over the last eight years 10 years had actually saved my life over the course of a weekend.
And at the time, I was in my master's program. And they we were assigned a project to come up with they
come up with a product that could benefit our community. And that was where one mile one veteran was kind of birthed this idea of, of using testimony to teach people that they're not alone, and that there are resources out there for them. That work to build whatever life that you want to build, not necessarily just to prevent a potential suicide, but also to help family members and loved ones support their veteran or to help a veteran develop a business or meet a physical goal. We have guests of all sorts on there kind of sharing their testimony and resources with our audience.
Keith McKeever 19:24
Wow, that's that's a lot to unpack there. But it just kind of comes to mind is, is kind of, I guess I'll say karma for lack of a better term of like things happening at a time when an opportunity presents itself for you to turn something bad for you into good and your ability to help others Hmm. You know, like it's just, it's weird how the weird you know, call it religion called the universe, whatever, you know, Uh, aliens beaming down whether you want to call it, like, it's just weird now sometimes just, the universe just does things like that where just, you know, things just line up where it just doesn't seem to be like, in the right order, things don't seem to be happening, right. But then just like this opportunity presents itself. So that's awesome that you had that that master's program, and it's like, hey, you know, you need to do this for this program. And you're like, hey, this is what I need to do. Which is awesome. Because I'm trying to remember is it? I think your shows are, what about 25 minutes? Right?
Danny Mayberry 20:37
Yeah, it's what 20 To 24 minutes per episode, which is the average time it takes to walk a mile. Yep.
Keith McKeever 20:42
And so the idea is to get people, you know, up and off the couch up and walking with a buddy, and talking and letting some of the stuff out. Because I will agree with one thing. Getting things out of your head is huge. And when you said like, turn the light on, man. You know, of course, the realtor in Me thinks of like, bugs and stuff. I tried to cockroaches. But it's like, yes, it's true. Like, would you get the thoughts out of your head? You have to get them out of your head.
Danny Mayberry 21:16
Absolutely.
Keith McKeever 21:19
Like all the thoughts, or I'm not, you know, not even bad thoughts. Like, of course, I'm somebody who, like my mind goes a mile a minute, like, it's not always bad thoughts. Like sometimes I just have to, like, just get thoughts out, like, my head just shit. Like, I gotta get it out. I gotta get it on paper. I gotta tell my wife, I gotta tell somebody like I like the entrepreneur
Danny Mayberry 21:41
and you like every business idea that just comes up. It's like I at least have to tell somebody
Keith McKeever 21:46
is that that's why I have a whiteboard in my office, I can write this shit down. This genius. I might not do anything with it for two years, but I gotta write it down. Right? You know, but exactly. Like, you gotta you gotta get that stuff out. Like, you can't just you can't bottle that stuff up, especially that negative stuff. Because yeah, it's just, it just eats on you. So? Oh, yeah, absolutely. You definitely got to do that. So how have you then going through this with the podcast? You know, how has this been beneficial to you? You know, physically and mentally? Now that, you know, fitness for gosh, what like, well, like there's a little over three years now.
Danny Mayberry 22:20
Yeah. So I Well, we had the planning phase for about two years, because we were really trying to figure out what it was going to be. It morphed so many different times, it was every entrepreneurial idea on how we can make this beneficial. Are we with the church? Are we a nonprofit, like, all sorts of craziness. And so the planning phase was was definitely something that took some time. But what I had discovered was, prior to 2020, I had kind of thought, if my, if my negative thoughts over took me to that point, again, that there was something wrong with me, and I needed kind of immediate therapy or immediate medication, because things were going to be bad. And, and this is just kind of, like accept a bit about the traditional treatment paths of what I needed to do. What I found is that regularly kind of talking about this stuff with people that I love and trust, and also for me, like, I talked to everybody about this, like Keith, like, you and I first time we chatted, it's just like, Yeah, this is just, this is part of what I'm really comfortable talking about. Not because it's just beneficial to me, but it's helped so many other people already that that I have known from from nothing. And that's a lot of why we do what we do. There's an old adage, that, that you can't keep what you don't give away. You know, so by, by freely giving away the knowledge that we have, I get to I get I get an opportunity to continue to grow and watch people heal. And that's really kind of been the benefit for us within the within the first two weeks of us launching the actual podcast seven months ago, September 5 2022. We've already had two people that we know about in a suicide crisis or near suicide crisis, start talking to members of their community and are still with us today because of that. And people are like, Well, how do we get people to talk about it? You just talk about it and it's cool. I try to I try to kind of relate mental health to you know, if you feel like you have something negative in your mental health, talk about it, like you would talk about like, like you would talk about a back injury or an ankle injury. It should be that common of have an expression within our lives of like, oh, yeah, I've got PTSD, too. I mean, so many veterans do so many people Do for from from different traumatic injuries in their life period. And we should never discount their experience.
Keith McKeever 25:08
Absolutely. I mean, yeah, everyone has their own experience and you don't know what they what they've been through or how they reacted to it. So, you know, the interesting thing you said is, you know, of two people that you've helped. But that's the that's the people that you know, of the of the people that you've reached that have reached out, you know, I've been in kind of a similar similar boat with this podcast, I have no idea how many people that I've potentially helped, because my topics are so wide ranging, you know, but the whole point is to educate and inspire, have no idea you know, what episode hits one person at any point in time, whether it's a financial advice, or mental health or physical health or, you know, getting assistance with a VSO, whatever, like, the whole point is just sharing the knowledge to just help other people just make their life a little bit better, a little bit easier, just, life sucks life and life is hard. We all know that. And if we could just do a better job as a veteran community of just making a little bit easier for each other, to help each other out. Like, we need to always go back and remember that we are a family, you know, a very large family, but yet very small, in general population, but like we, we should just be helping each other out as much as we can.
Danny Mayberry 26:30
Exactly. I mean, things things are super simple in life, but that does not make them easy. You know, treating each treating each other with kindness and respect, in a healthy manner is a very simple thing to do. It is not easy, because you know, people have different personalities and ideals and stuff like that. Talking about mental health is really, really simple to do. But it is not easy, especially because as a society, especially within the veteran community, we we tell each other we need to be tough, we need to be tough in all aspects. I don't know how many times you've heard people in your community, or even me for myself, when we were in the military call each other broken or dirtbags when we don't measure up to the, to the peer standard. And so what motivation is there for us to come forward when we're actually having a real struggle where our peers would call us even worse names?
Keith McKeever 27:38
That's a good point. You know, I've actually looked back a few times, at some of the people I served with, and some of the situations, of course, many years older now. Hopefully, quite a bit wiser. But I have looked back and it's like, wow, some of those situations I'm not proud of. And some of them I wasn't directly involved with as a supervisor, just people in the unit, you know, some of the ways that some young airmen were treated or called, or the way things were maybe handled. And knowing what I know now, especially about mental health and leadership and stuff like that. It's like, some people were let down. Some people were failed. Nobody asked the tough conversations. Nobody really took that person aside and said, what's really going on? What's going on in your life? Right? Because we were an all volunteer force. Nobody forced these individuals, at least the last 20 something, you know, definitely the last 20 something years during the war on terror. Yeah, nobody forced these people to join. We haven't had draft since the 70s, late 60s, wherever they actually stopped it right. So every one of them raised their hand and volunteered to serve. They had a passion to join. What happened to it for them to be called a dirtbag. Right, something happened in their life to affect their mental health. And not one person ever stopped to be like, What is going on in your life and what can we do to help you address it to get you squared away and back on track? Yeah, they just bashed them, push them down, take a stripe take their pay. Put them out the door.
Danny Mayberry 29:29
Exactly. And that's you know, when I had mentioned that the the stellar leadership that I had on my first ship I will say commander, Ireland, Ireland who was the who was the captain of the USS threatened LPD 14 back in 2002. He is probably the reason that I managed to have the career and life I still do to this day because you Without him, there was a good chance that I would have done 4545 half months pay and then see my butt out the door. You know, but something, something along the early days of our training in the military, where they started talking about suicide prevention stuff, because it's part of our annual training in the military, it has been at least as long as I was in the early 2000s. They talked about self reporting. And I self reported very early that I was that I was having the struggle. And so whatever that command leadership did, I don't know what happened behind closed doors for this, this young e two e three. But they managed to get me in front of the right people and down the right career path. And I know that there are so many more people in the military, especially today, where, where mental health is way more talked about, that have far more training than we did back then to be able to handle it. And so for, you know, service members to this day, and veterans like self identify, put yourself out there in a healthy way. And the other really important part that I try to tell people is that we don't necessarily need to go see a doctor in order to improve our mental health. Obviously, there are conditions that that should be assessed and treated through professional care. But for the most part, like we can do this as a community by building healthy relationships, not putting each other down in our in our civilian and civilian networks, but building each other up.
Keith McKeever 31:39
That's true and communicating, you know, you could, you know, some roundtable discussions, team building exercises. But yeah, in speaking a navy, and I don't normally dive into, you know, more current topics, but I did see an article not too long ago about a particular ship, I think it was an aircraft carrier, where they were talking about the mental health providers on the ship were way over, over tapped. And unfortunately, a few sailors had taken their own life. And, you know, the article went on to say that the mental health providers just could not keep up with demand. And as I was reading it, I was like, wow. Okay, a couple of interesting takeaways. For starters, it's great that the sailors on board are self reporting and seeking help. That is a huge, positive step. Because when I was in, over a decade ago, I don't know that that was the culture really anywhere. So if the culture shifted to people being more aware of that, and being open to mental health, that is huge positive. Now, the negative is there's only two providers there, there obviously, needs to be a higher demand. If people would be more be more willing to seek mental health, the Navy needs to do whatever the hell they got to do it well, and all the other branches, they need to, they need to do whatever they got to do. I don't care what they got to pay to go to health providers. Well, we're talking about the defense of our of our country here. Like, if you want to retain people, you want to take care of people. It's the people to fight the wars, take care of people. If you want to bring more people in, start taking care of people, that might be a really good place to military leaders, if they have to be listening to this or watching it might be a really good place to start investing your money is in mental health. Because I think that's the number one thing that that the young people today See, and probably say, I don't think I want to join you as they see all this negative about mental health. Look what happens to all these guys have just in the last 20 years, they come out broken physically and mentally. Why would I want to do it to myself? There's no resources for it. So start building the resource to start taking care of your people. Yeah.
Danny Mayberry 33:53
And you know, here's here's another beautiful thing, because I know that, you know, there was a multibillion dollar bill that was just passed for for this specifically with about $14 billion going to the VA alone for mental health care. But one of the beautiful things that's happened since we launched our podcast is a Coast Guard buddy of mine. Out in Hawaii, he ended up starting a Friday night men's group. For for people by invite only. So you have to kind of know each other to be able to get the invite at a at an M Vet Center. And so this is of his own time of his freely giving. But we have we have a wonderful gym and an M Vet Center out in Hawaii that that he's built. He's found people to donate gear and equipment and stuff like that. And he helped lead people through exercises, but every Friday night, there's a group of men that meet we have a fun one hour workout. And then afterwards, we sit there and we talk about whatever the hard stuff actually is going on in our life. If, and it's 100%, free. And that's and that's kind of where I talked about the community, just stepping up at a young sailor asked me, asked me last May, what Sailors can be doing to support their peers that are struggling. And my advice to him was be the friend that you would want to talk to, if you're in a tough spot. That means, you know, take the sarcasm out of your mouth, take the trash talk out of your mouth, focus on building each other up and not tearing each other down. Because that's, that's what saved my life when I was 18 years old was there was a second class, there was a second class ABF, that that was always just lifting up everybody around him. And so the night that the night that I was carrying my M 14 on, on on watching and almost end of my life the first time he came to mind, and he was the person that I went and talked to that night that I almost in my life for the first time at 18 years old. Because he just happened to be on watch, and he was that person that that you could go to he, you know, he was still a really fun person to be around. But he really focused on building everybody up. And I think that there's a culture in the military where you rag on each other you joke and that's how a lot of people bond. But unfortunately, like that's, that's not a way people like me bond, I don't bond by tearing you down. You know, I engage in fun activities. And so, you know, just also encourage until the government can get things right. And we have all the resources in play, like, there are people within their own community that can take those steps to making things right.
Keith McKeever 36:45
You can still have a little bit of that fun. But yeah, turn people doubt, right, you can still joke and have fun, but you don't have to. I guess you can say you can kind of have a little bit of that dark humor, but without at the extreme expense to people, because let's face it, sometimes it can be really brutal. Yep. And you do have to have pretty thick skin. And not everybody can handle it like,
Danny Mayberry 37:10
yep, not everybody.
Keith McKeever 37:11
I'm one of those people like I, you can, you can pretty much throw just about anything at me. And I can, I can pretty much take it like I don't really care. You know, I'll brush it right off. But you know, not everybody is that way. But yet, you really need to be as a leader, you really need to be a communicator, you really need to make sure, especially it's been a while since I've really said this. But the NCOs really need to be the ones who are very, very aware of all the troops that are around you, not just the ones you supervise, but all of them be very aware, you know, Judge, get to judging them for their baseline, you're really pay attention to that be aware of who they are baseline. So when they come in, and all of a sudden, you know, John Doe is just off. And you're like, look, you know, they're just off today. That's when you need to go up and pull him to the side and be like, what's wrong? I know something's wrong, because you're off today. Did you just not sleep right? Or is there a problem, right, but you can laugh and joke around, but you need to be able to communicate what you do, you need to be able to spot that and be able to spot it a mile away. You need to get as good a spot in that as you would be spotting the enemy in the field.
Danny Mayberry 38:30
Yep. And that's and that's kind of the the second part of our podcasts, the one veteran part, it's to serve as a reminder to have regular checkups with people within your community. So at the end of every episode, we kind of encourage we encourage people to reach out to somebody and build a regular healthy relationship. Because those those weekly check ins will start to serve as a gauge where you can spot any any changes in mood, any changes in personality. And also, if you're a person like myself, there's been times in my life where you know, I've looked at my phone, but it felt like it was 1000 pounds, I didn't know who to call it didn't want to pick it up. But by by regularly checking in with somebody, and again, you can still shoot shoot the shit and joke around on these calls. But by having somebody that you regularly call and just chat with it makes it that much easier to call them on a day that you're actually having some trouble because you're putting in the reps.
Keith McKeever 39:36
Absolutely. Actually, I heard heard from somebody the other day that you know, sometimes these buddy checks it's not necessarily just for the buddy. It's definitely for you too. Because you just don't know. Like you don't realize how much it is for you to like there's an accountability kind of thing built into it. can remember exactly how they how they put it, but I was like, ah, you know, there's there really is something to that. But I think, you know, personally like everybody, every one of us is veterans. And, you know, I should probably put that on my to do list. Every one of us should just find, you know, those seven people, the seven battle buddies, and put it in your schedule every single day that I'm going to reach out to this person on Monday, this person on Tuesday, whatever, call them, text them, whatever, email, whatever, whatever it takes, and just be like, Hey, buddy, check how you doing? You're doing okay. I'm thinking about you. You doing all right. That way, you never know, they might be fine for six years. But if they know that they're going to get a message from you every Wednesday, at some point in time, that one Wednesday when they're having a bad time, or that Tuesday night when they're having a bad time and they go to bed. You know, man, Danny's gonna message me tomorrow? I know it. He never misses a Wednesday. You know, like that accountability? Like they're gonna be likely that could keep somebody alive that till the next day?
Danny Mayberry 41:05
Absolutely. And, you know, I wish I was that consistent. You know, I talked about things like that. And I've gotten a lot better since since we've started this program on checking in on people. Because I've realized how quiet I usually am. When I'm not in front of people's faces. I've actually had friends call me out on it, saying, hey, like, I need a friend that's there a little bit more more frequently than you are. And I was like, Oh, shit, like, I had no idea, you know?
Keith McKeever 41:33
What's easy to get lost in, you know, in life in the world and stuff? Like, exactly, that's why I'm like, I should probably put that on my list of things
Danny Mayberry 41:40
to do. And I think that's a great tip, add it to your calendar, put it in your reminders.
Keith McKeever 41:45
Well, you know, everything becomes a habit after you do it for so long, right? Like, if you just know, like, hey, you know, even if you're sending a text, then it's in your text messages, right? Those same seven text messages to the same seven people are in your phone. And it's going to be near the top of your well, you know, unless you get a bunch of spam texts, like I do every every week, it's gonna be somewhere in your phone, right? And you never know, like how more how much more frequently you're going to be sending those messages back and forth to those people. But, you know, we could all do a better job of more frequent communication. And it doesn't mean you need to communicate with all of your battle buddies, because let's just face it, if you're on Facebook, you probably have 300 of them are people that you're connected with like, like, you're not going to buddy check with everybody. But every one of us did have a buddy check with even two or three people, the compound effect of that is huge.
Danny Mayberry 42:37
Oh, absolutely. And then encouraging them to do the same. You know, hey, who were you checking in with? Because we have to be able to exponentially spread the love.
Keith McKeever 42:49
Absolutely. So, last thing I wanted to ask you about before we wrap up here is you kind of in your very first episode, you talked about some pillars? Yeah, there's some things so you had physical health, mental health, spiritual and professional health? I don't know if I was missing one there. But break those down. What was on your thoughts on on what those were?
Danny Mayberry 43:09
Yeah, I think the last one was relational. So physical issue. Yep. Physical, mental, spiritual, relational and professional. So the idea of having good physical health means that that you're cognizant of where you're at physically, when our body is sound, our mind is usually pretty sound. And I know myself from from time to time, my weight will fluctuate, my physical health will fluctuate, fluctuate, especially depending upon my level of stress. But it's always something that I'm cognizant of. So you know, going out on a 20 minute walk is really enough to start raising my endorphins and improve my mood and probably motivate me to do something else. And then there's times where, like, I'm at peak physical condition, and I'm training for a 20 mile ruck and normally, like we're doing in two months. You know, where it's like, alright, well, now I have to drop some pounds, but build up my endurance.
Keith McKeever 44:03
But are you in peak physical condition for that yet?
Danny Mayberry 44:07
No, oh, my gosh, no. I just did a six mile walk on a beach, just to kind of prepare for it. And I was like, Alright, my feet hurt. My ankles hurt, you know. So physical health is really relative to where you're at. A buddy of mine, you know, over the summer did 20,000 pull ups in 10 days for his 1020 year anniversary? It's all relative. Yeah, it's relative to who you are. Exactly. You know, so, but yeah, physical health is, you know, having those checkups, when when our mind is when our bodies fit, our mind has that much more of an opportunity to be fit. Mental Health already kind of alluded to to it. You know, it's always nice to have a counselor that we can kind of check in with to make sure that we're, we're heading in the right direction or that we have the tools, especially if you've never been to counseling, like, let somebody much smarter than yourself that's trained and experienced. in mental health, kind of start to equip you with the tools needed to live life on life's terms. This could be the way that you deal with problems, this could be the way that you think about yourself or your place in the world. And then for those that actually need further care and medications, this is an opportunity to talk to them about your medical needs in those arenas. But mental health is really, you know, taking that time to carve out space for yourself for healthy conversations, healthy reflection, journaling, that kind of stuff, we can do a lot of things to take care of our mental health, but just having a routine for it, is going to be crucial in life, spiritual health, you know, I'm a, I am a religious person, I eventually came back to God in my late 20s, early 30s. But spiritual health doesn't necessarily mean that you have a relationship with God, it's that you acknowledge that there's something out there bigger than yourself, stop looking at ourselves as the center of the universe and acknowledge that there's, there's a higher power or a higher purpose for life than just making it you know, to the dinner table, making it to your 60s or making it to retirement, that's a very self centered way of living. And if we all live in a self centered way, our society may end up crumbling, but also for the most part, especially for veterans who were given such a high purpose of high purpose or calling when we joined and went through boot camp and kind of dedicated our lives being willing to lay it down for the better good of our country. It's, it's really important that we continue to have a purpose that's beyond ourselves. relational health, is kind of self explanatory, we make sure that we're having healthy relationships with Healthy People, I know that we all want to kind of take care of everybody. But to be honest, there's some people that we could we could limit our contact with, because they're not helping build us up, they're trying to drag us down to their level, welcome them out of your life completely. Yeah, or cut them out of your life depending on Yeah, especially depending on who they are. There, there are people for me that, you know, they know exactly where I stand, they know that I will always love them. But there's definitely boundaries that that we don't cross in our relationship. And that's for my benefit, so that I can continue to love them without, without hurting myself. But, you know, some people will talk about having five solid relationships, somebody that's kind of a mentor in our life, that we maintain a positive relationship that's kind of been there, and it knows a little bit better, we have two buddies on our side, two or three buddies that we can kind of walk through life with and share those struggles with, and then somebody that we're helping bring up as well as we're pouring into. And that's kind of how I like to build my relationships is, is, like, most of my decisions, I don't make I run them by a council of people that I trust, that are way smarter than me that have been there before.
Keith McKeever 48:13
It's kind of way of looking at things. Yeah.
Danny Mayberry 48:15
And then I and then I have buddies that, that are right there with me going through very similar things that we can kind of bounce bounce ideas off with, and have fun with and then I have people that I love on and pass the knowledge on. Because if we're not passionate on to the next generation, it's just going to die out. And then when we talk about professional health, I'm moreso talking about doing something that's that's for you. So I understand that some people, their professional job may not may not be one that they're 100% dedicated to in terms of like purpose, or joy, but it's a necessity of life. And so after those working hours, in your free time, make sure that you have a hobby or a goal that you're working towards, that you really care about. That really fills you up. And then hopefully one day that that can turn into you know what you do full time if that's what you want to do.
Keith McKeever 49:13
I couldn't agree more with Alan. Yeah.
Danny Mayberry 49:19
And so, you know, those are those are kind of the the pillars that we talk about, and I know that there's a lot to unpack in there. But what I tell people like pillars are really awesome, because they usually hold up a roof. And if one pillar falls away, we still have four others or if two pillars fall away, we still have three others that we can use to survive on. But a lot of people they get they get caught up in being very single minded in their life. It's all about their religion. It's all about their family. It's all about their friends, it's all about their job. Well any one of those things can fall away. You know, you can have a spiritual leader within your church have a tremendous fallout that affects the entire church and me They may shake your some of your core beliefs that would send you away from that church. And so now you have to go find another one. But in the meantime, you're kind of out on the road on your by yourself or, you know, unfortunately, bad things happen within families, divorces happens that's happened. You know, extreme accidents happen where relationships can't be the same. And so if we just depend on one thing as our primary purpose in life, we stand a higher risk of suffering a catastrophic event. If we're if we're not a little bit more well rounded.
Keith McKeever 50:39
Yeah, and unfortunately, those catastrophic events, that's what least in our community, well, you could argue every community but especially the veteran community, that's what's leading to the homelessness, substance abuse, and suicide. Those are direct contributors. So you know, shouldn't be any surprise to anybody. But when the world collapses, and you don't have all that support, and you don't have all that and that's where a lot of people end up. So, but I really appreciate you coming on here sharing about you know, your mission and your podcast. And for everybody who's watching, it's been scrolling across the bottom here, but for all the listeners be all kinds of links in the show notes and everything but tell us where they can find you. Social wise and where they can listen to your your podcast and everything, Danny.
Danny Mayberry 51:26
So you can find us on Apple, Spotify, any major podcast platform at one mile one veteran, that's the number one for both of them. One mile one veteran.com is where our website is you can find our RSS feed there and plug it into your favorite podcast app. You can also support us on Patreon at one mile one veteran and you can follow me and my wife along on our Instagram page at one mile one veteran as well.
Keith McKeever 51:54
Yeah, you can just live vicariously through them as they do on their hiking on the beaches of Normandy, all the beautiful sights and sounds you could just feel like you're there. All the work. That's what I'm gonna do.
Danny Mayberry 52:08
Yeah, I can't wait to make it out to to your neck of the woods. We should be in that area. sometime next year.
Keith McKeever 52:16
Awesome. Yeah, you definitely have to let me know we'll have to we'll definitely have to catch up. Often know all about the trip to Normandy because that will be a trip of a lifetime. Absolutely. Awesome. Well, I appreciate you stopping by here and being on the show.
Danny Mayberry 52:31
Thanks for having us so much, Keith. I really appreciate it.
Keith McKeever 52:36
There you have it folks. Hope you enjoyed. Remember, like and subscribe to the to the channel and follow us for future episodes. Remember, if there's a resource not on the website that you think should be please reach out, let us know. And if you're struggling for any reason, remember the national suicide hotline number is 988 Press one
