Growth After Trauma
When you typically think of love and war zones its easy to think about one person in combat the other, thousands of miles away back home. For Army veteran, Jennifer Hobbs, her love story took a different path. From troubled past relationships to finding love in a combat zone with fellow soldier and how husband Ryan Hobbs, Jennifer has one heck of a love story to share with future generations! In her book, Calmed: Life After Trauma, Jennifer recaps her young adult years, finding Ryan, falling in love in a combat zone, dealing with Ryan's injuries and both of them growing together over all the years since. She wrote the story from both their perspectives in a very unique way of sharing their story. We discuss her book, future plans, and more!
Battle Buddy Podcast Guest Links:
https://www.amazon.com/Calmed-Growth-Trauma-Jennifer-Hobbs-ebook/dp/B096HLWZQ9
https://www.Facebook.com/authorjenniferhobbs
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-hobbs-3b08b195/
https://open.spotify.com/show/7MOmibtw8Vxcz7Wc1PLPFg?si=1e9adde367734864
Battle Buddy Podcast Links:
Transcript from Episode 51 with Jennifer Hobbs:
Keith McKeever 0:04
Welcome to the battle buddy podcast with Keith McKeever. Welcome back to another episode of the battle buddy podcast. I am joined by an author and a fellow podcaster. A fellow Illinois and author Jennifer Hobbs here with me today. Jennifer, welcome to the show.
Jennifer Hobbs 0:22
Thank you for having me is a pleasure.
Keith McKeever 0:25
That is I am I've been so excited to have this conversation. One of the things I do as a podcasters, I won't usually have an author on unless I've read their book. Of course, I didn't read your book, I listened to it. The audio version multitasking, you know, yeah. But there is a lot, a lot to unpack in your story. Because Well, for starters, interesting way that you wrote it. It's from your perspective and your husband's perspective, and it flips back and forth. And then as you read, you know, listening to it, I guess in my case, it was it was like, wow, this is really unique. Because it's not just a story about being a veteran or being in war, it's past relationships, rocky relationships, growing up war, falling in love trying to figure that out why combat zone and, and the complexities of it. And what really hit me was, I don't think it's a super unique, it's unique to you. But I think that there's a lot of people that deployed and ended up falling in love with somebody, maybe those relationships didn't last. I know, you and your husband are still together after many years now. But some people you know, people get together and date when they're in a war zone. We all saw that. So I think that there's a little something that every every veteran of our generation can kind of pull from it and and see something so but before we get started watching, just tell us a little bit about yourself.
Jennifer Hobbs 1:53
Well, I'm Jennifer Hobbs, prior to marrying my husband Ryan Hobbs. I gotta give space and a shout out to my maiden name Buffington because in the military being Buffington you know everyone too lazy to say my last name. So they just called me buff. So a lot of people know me as Gen buff, even people that I went to high school with so many nicknames. Buff and booty boost sniffer like not that they like came from anywhere. It's just you get there's so much you could do with it. And so I started as Gen buff and my,
Jennifer Hobbs 2:30
when I joined the military at 17 years old, I pretty much knew by 16 that I was going to join and and so I joined when I was in still in high school. And it was only a couple of years before my unit transportation unit out of Paris, Illinois. Shout out to Paris. We were mobilized. And we actually as you'll you read and anyone who reads in the book, we didn't go the first time that they mobilized us. We just packed all our stuff up, told us happy Valentine's Day and sent us on our way home. And then about nine months later, that was when they call us on Veterans Day and told us once again, we were getting mobilized and so I was mobilized at 19 years old, I turned 20 and 21 on the deployment as did quite a few other people in my unit. A lot of people from Central Illinois, most of which were between the ages of 19 and like 26 And so that started the beginning of like a year that would just pretty much changed my life a year. I describe it as the worst year of my life, but the best year of my life and, you know, the worst year being that it was the most traumatic year as far as really getting thrown into a combat zone young and all those hard emotions and all of that, that comes with it, but the best year of my life because number one I take away from that deployment, some of the most monumental relationships that I have in my life, that that means so much to me and helped shape who I am but also the best year of my life because, again, it helped to shape who I was, it helped me to find, you know, to just now 18 years later, to have grown to a place to where I taste the the sweet taste to life better, you know, and I I have more grateful than this for it and and it just helps me to really try and grow myself and just continue on a path of being the person I want to be. And so now i i spent 12 years in education, seven were in special education, and the other five were in general education. And then after writing my book in that year of much self reflection and personal growth, I reignited this flame that's been burning inside of me for like eight years. And that is to find where and how I can best help veterans and their families. And I just know that that, you know, when it when it finally came time for me to make that decision, I just knew it was the right decision. I knew it. And I was like, How can I make this happen? And so I'm like, laying all this out, like, oh my gosh, that a lot of fear comes out yet at that point, like, Jennifer, you're go play like crazy, you have two master's degrees in teaching 12 years, you're saying goodbye to a pension, you know, all that fear that can come your way. And on top of the fear that was already overwhelming me with writing a book. But in that place of reflection, I just knew I knew that that was that I needed to step out of the fear and into this space where I'm going to continue following the path of who I know I meant to be. And so this past year has been my first year after resignation. And I have started my own podcast, which I never thought that I would do. But as I pondered it more and realized, I got a whole lot to say, and I want to help other people with all they have to say, and I can't make all that happen. And in books, I guess it could but I do want to keep writing but I also want to give space for other people to be able to share their stories and their journeys so we can continue to offer hope to other people and also give people a space to be able to relate and and then also like let down these stigmas and start having conversations about what is really going on and face it head on and grow together as a society and so got the podcast and wrapping up book to almost to the editing phase, which I'm not excited about. I like to write Keith I don't like to perforate
Keith McKeever 7:12
Hey, I am with you there I am working on a book myself more on the real estate. Side. Yeah. For veterans. But, uh, yeah, I'm not looking forward to that. All right, I'm gonna have somebody else do all the editing and all the proofreading and stuff. Let me just get my thoughts down and let them finally massage it and make it look good. Yes. I went to public schools, you know, English grammar was never my thing. My wife, my wife is my editor in chief.
Jennifer Hobbs 7:41
Got it out of plastic. That's that's so great to hear.
Keith McKeever 7:45
Well, she tells me all the time to correct my grammar and stuff and Facebook posts. Yeah, forgotten apostrophe here. You know, it's not my strong suit for crying out loud. I think people get what I'm trying to say. Right? I mean, there's something here and they're like one thing, you know. But yes, it's a heck of a process. But it's got your got your story down. And it's interesting. You kind of mentioned growth, obviously, that's the title called growth after trauma. I've got it scrolling at the bottom and I'll have the in the show notes as well, the link where people can find it on Amazon. Because you picked a really good title in title that no, because there wasn't much that was called like your, your life was hectic as a young adult and relationships and stuff like that. But so what what was the defining moment that made you sit down and say I have to write this story?
Jennifer Hobbs 8:40
Good question. It was it was me like hitting a dark place again. Two years ago, I woke up in the ICU and I had fainted and cracked my skull. And in the following months of dealing with I cracked my skull in two places, I fainted backwards. And just all this, you know, 90 pounds, I got not really all this weight going back and smacking the back of my head off of the ground. Oh, my goodness, like broke the strongest part of my skull and then the impact alone caused a frack a crack on the left side of my head. And so in those months following that, you know, four days later, I was supposed to be catching a plane to go be in my best friend's wedding. That didn't happen obviously. And then like they had to get a teacher to cover my classroom for two months as I was home recovering from this excruciating pain that was just constantly throbbing and, and and lights and sounds all that stimulation, it was far too much so you can only imagine what it's like when you know your three kids get home from school and your husband and your spouse House like, there's never
Keith McKeever 10:01
a quiet moment in the house at that point.
Jennifer Hobbs 10:03
Oh, yeah. And, and that's a man like trying to enjoy your kids but like wanting earmuffs on and the lights turned off. That's that's was super difficult. And so in the following months, as I was trying to they right as I was about to go back to school I was I got cleared by the neurologist. And although I was super afraid to go back to work just because of everything, right, the pain was excruciating. I was afraid I wasn't a fan again. I realized, like, it's going to be okay. Like, if I'm there and something goes wrong, I just needed let them know, I need someone to cover. Help of a colleague helped to you know, pump me up and get ready to go back. And so just as I was anticipating going back on a Monday, and my neurologist appointment was on like a Thursday or Friday, the state of Illinois quarantine the whole state, or well, Pritzker, quarantine the whole state. And suddenly here, I thought I was gonna go back to a little bit of normalcy. And then my life was far from normal, recovering from a head injury and being a virtual teacher and a virtual parent. It was all not exactly what I was expecting and didn't handle it with grace. Tried to tried to get I mean, I did, I got back in the flow of teaching, and it was so great to see my students, and then once the year wrapped up, still just being in a place where, I don't know, I really, it was just, it was like, I needed to find some normalcy. I couldn't taste, I couldn't smell, you know, light sounds, everything was just brutal. And in an attempt to fill a little bit of normalcy, I thought I would, you know, have a beer. And that was a terrible idea. I couldn't taste it all. And so like, that just was not a good idea. I couldn't taste it. And so that one went down well, and so did the next, you know, however many and then so it was in the end of May that I just identified like, Good grief, I do not want to be this person. Like, this isn't me. I know, I'm just built for so much more. And I have goals, hopes, dreams, aspirations, where's that person? Where's that Jennifer? And so it was then that I was like, Alright, I need to set some goals. And being a teacher, I knew like, we don't need to set like 10 goals, right? Like, that's way too much, we need to start small. And so I really I wrote it down in my notes. And I said, like, tackle debt. And number two, get back to writing, which was super random, considering my writing efforts were very sporadic over the last 18 years, and really were just more as a coping mechanism. But something in me told me I wanted to get back to writing. And so from there in that dark place, it started to grow a little bit and a lot of different things, watered it. And fortunately, I I persevered and, and I came over all that fear, which is a big deal for us, any of us doing anything, like fear is a beast. And so being able to just identify that you're better than that fear is a huge, huge obstacle in itself.
Keith McKeever 13:32
It is kind of scary, sometimes whether you're talking about it or, or I guess writing about it. I haven't done that yet, but to share your stories, you know, for such a pivotal moment in our young lives. Being a combat zone, all the crazy stuff, you know that what we all sees is all different. But it all affects us and all kinds of crazy ways. And it's kind of hard to open that up. It's easy in the veteran community to talk because we all know, in some way, like we understand in the civilian world to open that up where civilian could pick up your book and read and hear your story and just be like, wow, like that's, that's crazy. That's incredible. You know, it's there's like this vulnerability to it that it's kind of scary to do that.
Jennifer Hobbs 14:20
It really is. And you know, I wonder I and I tiptoe around saying this, but I wonder like, what would it look like if my husband and I didn't marry? Would I have been in a place where I felt comfortable to be vulnerable? Would I have been supported like that? Hopefully, yes. And I tiptoe around saying that because I don't want anybody listening to this or watching this, to think that you need to be married to a veteran or someone who's had your same struggle in order to put your story down because it's so not the case. But fortunately, when I told my husband that I wanted to take my story and and make it a dual memoir, which was a great suggestion by my, my book coach. Because as I'm telling her about, like certain events, she's like, wow, so he was here, and you were here while that happened. And then she had made the suggestion, wow, it'd be really incredible if you made it like a duel memoir. And so I owe that credit to her. And luckily, when I approached him with a, he was on board, and I was so grateful for that. But through all those conversations throughout the year, or less of dig in deep into those places, he, you could just tell that it was therapeutic for both of us separately, but also together. So it was a, it was a really great experience to take something that was traumatic, that you try and bury into the depths of your mind and bring it to the forefront, to put it out there and identify that, that doesn't, that doesn't make your future like your past does not shaped your future. Next, necessarily.
Keith McKeever 16:14
I'm sure it helps because you were both there together, or basically they're together for for most of that deployment. And to be able to kind of pull that up when, you know, 16 1718 years later, and discuss it when you're more mature. And you've had time to reflect on it. I'm sure that was obviously you that'd be really healing.
Jennifer Hobbs 16:35
And you know what those things I would love to tell you. So when you were talking about calmed being a great title. Wow, when. So the way that I got that title, which you may have caught it in the book, and I'm not sure I wonder how many people even catch it in the book. But when I heard this statement from my husband, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I just knew that that needed to be the title and what it was in, in my book when I'm talking about the night where he was hit by a roadside bomb. And he gets finally out where they get him out from under the truck that he was trapped under. And he's in and out of consciousness. And he's finally on the medivac. And I asked him because he was letting me know that another one of our our sergeants was in that same truck and was on that metal back. And I asked my husband like, did you see him? Did you hear him? How did you know he was on that? medivac. And it was so profound, because it's so not even words that would come out my husband's mouth. So it just made it that even stronger. But he said, I don't think I said that. Right? It just made it even stronger. It just made it stronger. He said, You know, I couldn't see him. I couldn't hear him, it was just that I knew someone I knew was there because I just I just felt calmed. And that I was mystified. Like, that was such an amazing intuitive feeling and intuitive thought to, to speak out loud. And and I was like, wow, that. That is perfect. Especially, you know, as I'm taking a look at, you know, this traumatic year and all the aftermath, but then getting to a place where you are calmed. And you're still going to have this trauma. But you're calmed a little bit, and you're ready to take it on. And so that's where that title came from. Yeah,
Keith McKeever 18:43
I remember catching that part in there. Yeah, yeah. So let's see, we got one person today. But, yes, that would be very calming to know that you've got somebody that you know that you're not alone. Yeah, you know, and I think that's what's that. That's what helps people, obviously, I mean, that's why my podcasts called the battle buddy podcasts, let people know that they're not alone, the name of it, and that no matter what you're going through, somebody else has been through something. You know, probably one of the reasons why I've been excited to have this conversation with you, but about your book, because it's, there's so many little aspects, like I said earlier that every veteran of our work and kind of no one understand, you know, the idea of convoys and roadside bombs and injuries and, you know, just knowing the general environment, you know, every base is different, but you kind of, you know, everybody knows the HESCO barrier and a tee wall is you know, just things like that. It just connects and and I think, you know, there's this audience of military spouses, or or people like I said earlier to find some sort of romance while a war can understand it, because it's unique to our generation. If you think about it, I've read a lot of books when I was in high school about the Vietnam War, and anytime they really referenced women in there or it's the nurse, or, you know, ladies working the streets into into village. You know, I mean, that's like that is the reference to women because women just weren't really there. But in our generation, you know, more and more as time even went on. Yeah, more and more women serving and more on the frontline, and sharing those same experiences. So yeah, I mean, I remember a lot of people that were dating, you know, here and there, oh, this person's dating, you know, three months later, they're dating somebody else or whatever. But it's a unique perspective, I think a lot of people can, can No,
Jennifer Hobbs 20:37
we have a couple of marriages, we have a couple of marriages that came out of our deployment. We had 160 People in our unit. And probably if I remember, right, the number of girls is like 40.
Keith McKeever 20:52
I would, I would imagine, it's much more likely to be that way in a guard unit. Like your where, you know, when you come home, you're in the same neighborhood bumping into these people you work in a grocery store, gas station, etc. So I was kind of curious about that to your husband. Obviously, he was on board, how much did he actually help you in writing? And and how much did reaching out some of your battle buddies? Did you? Did you do reach out to them to kind of fill in blanks on story? Yes.
Jennifer Hobbs 21:19
Yes, absolutely. And I hope with my third book in the future, if it ends up being, you know, not number three, but a different one, I really hoped to get different perspectives of the war at home. But my husband and I, it was through a lot of conversations where I, you know, I knew where I wanted to get his side of the story with things. And so I would put my phone on voice recording. And we would just sit there and have a conversation, some of which are super uncomfortable, some of which, like he didn't even remember. And then next thing, you know, 18 years later, like he's mad at me, we're arguing and that kind of hot mess. But as far as my battle buddies, like, in addition to reach reaching out to, you know, see if I could use their name, but I was also like, in my book, you know, I use portions of what was spoken at just copies Memorial. And so being able to honor her with those amazing words that people spoke there was such an honor to do on her behalf. But I also, you know, hope that my battle buddies realized just how amazing their words were. But as far as getting a lot of people's perspectives, that's kind of been going on for just 18 years, right? You know, like, I remained friends with quite a few people. And we started out having like, reunion, like a reunion every year. And then we voted on making it a non for profit. And so now we have veterans of log base sites, which I'm wearing the shirt right now. Interesting idea. Yeah. So we, we started that trends of log base sites. And because we served on a base called log base sites, we live there. And so through those conversations over 18 years, that's just all the stuff that continues to, to remain with me and that I carry with me and that it helped me to put it all together to the best of my ability in this book, but I did find, you know, the hardest part I found with my book was talking about the war at home and everything that came afterwards once I got there. I was like, holy moly, this is a whole nother story in itself. And so that's where book number two will go. But I definitely did get the perspective of like, my father in law, which I call my soda pop, we call him soda pop. And like, you know, I had told a story in there about one night when they're fishing and so I kind of wanted to get his perspective I also got their perspective on when they got called from Germany and basically we're told that Ryan wasn't gonna make it and they were about to put him on a plane them on a plane. So that's stuff that will again be it'll be highlighted when I look at the war at home and how it affects how it ripples into everyone else's lives for years to come. Not just while we are in Iraq, but how your wife has to deal with you for the rest of your life. Getting but you know, like for example, like on my on my podcast my I do Thursdays with my battle buddy Perry the wild man and we were having a chat recently about Santa or Stalin and just talking about how like our our brain brains are different for the people who have post traumatic stress and and how sometimes our reaction it does not fit the stimulus. But it's like an overreaction
Keith McKeever 25:14
or a reaction that yes, some civilians or people without it would.
Jennifer Hobbs 25:20
Right and we were talking about that. And I was telling him an example of a Stalin moment I had recently where like, I bought my daughter, one of those like $6 Pink drinks from Starbucks. And it ended up all over the floor in my garage and overreaction on my part. And but I was able, I'm in touch enough with myself to see it as it was happening. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, this was definitely not a Santa's moment for me. And so again, like my kids see these things, and in me and my husband, and that's just something that's a part of their life, and they will always, they will always be, you know, children and military parents. And so like, you know, that, that combat that trauma, it just ripples into the lives of everyone else for a lifetime. And what we do with it is, you know, what's really going to determine the outcome of it? I love that you call your podcast battle buddy podcast, because, you know, I think it's really important. Especially one of the things that I've really started to dive into through personal development in the last year that like, it is up to us like how we deal with like, react, respond to things and what we do with what we've been given and what we've gone through. However, you don't do it alone, like we are not, we are not put in a world in a life in a body where you're expected to take that stuff on on your own. You need that support, you need that support system, you need that battle, buddy,
Keith McKeever 27:00
that you do. And boy, you said ripple and net. That really hits close to home, because I for years did not I could I had complete blinders on that anything I did any of that stuff was wrong. Because, you know, the whole Santa stolid thing. I always kind of saw what TV portrays PTS, right, as you know, punching your wife and push her down the stairs like, right? Sounds graphic and terrible. But like that's unfortunately what TV and movies try to portray. That wasn't me, you know, I've never punched a hole in the wall never hit anybody you know. But I would have those moments where I just snap right into action, or snappy comments, or just get really angry, or the opposite to the point where I would just shut my mouth and self isolate in my office, play video games, try to ignore the world. Just just ignore the problem away. And what, when those blinders come off, it's like ripping a band aid off a fresh wound, it stinks is things really, really hard. But you can't you can't grow until you do that, until you realize what you're doing. And it is weird to see. I'm still working on it. Sometimes I see it sometimes adult, but to see to see in the process of doing something, that you're doing something wrong, that your response to it's not normal, quote unquote, normal, whatever normal is these days? You know, then you can be like, okay, all right, calm down, breathe, try some tips, you know, step away for a couple of minutes, get away from the environment, whatever. And then the key is to go back and not self isolate. But that's a hard thing to be around kids, you know, because that was one of my thoughts was I was like, I gotta get a handle on this the best I can. Because I don't want my kids to grow up. And to say, oh, you know, I had a great dad, but Right, my dad did this. My dad did that. You know, that's like the worst thing. You know, I don't want that on the on the children. So it sounds like we're both kind of in the same place of trying to navigate all that, right, it just probably us. We're gonna probably have to continue to do that. For years, the rest of our lives try and navigate that, but you know,
Jennifer Hobbs 29:35
and it is so it is so good. And it's a celebration that you and myself and anyone else who is at the point to rip that band aid off because that band aid is like duct tape. Like I love to update. Don't get me wrong, but we have to be like an architect, architect of our own life and rebuild these thoughts like you're never gonna be able to remove them. You have to rebuild it. You have to know like, Okay, I need to breathe like, okay, like, pause for a minute, you have to rebuild all that you have to reshape the memories and which is it's totally a long process like even those words, right? They're saying, you have to reshape your mindset. And those thoughts like someone's head is spinning right now, just as mine was when that was first said to me, like, I get it, it's a process and give yourself some grace to work through it.
Keith McKeever 30:28
Absolutely. You just got to find a different path ahead. So back back to the book, you kind of had some interesting chapters in there, rocky relationships and war. And that was a unique, unique perspective for kind of curious what kind of feedback you you've had, you know, on that part, maybe?
Jennifer Hobbs 30:52
I'm glad you asked. Because that's, that is hilarious. It makes me think of something that's hilarious. So as far as feedback on me being honest about my struggle with relationships, and really just trying to fill a void with that kind of stuff, whether it stems from, you know, growing up without a dad, or if it stems just from dealing with my own hot mess of the transition back. Either way, it wasn't pretty. And it definitely wasn't pretty uncomfortable to put it down on paper for the world to read. But I knew that when I was going to put my story down that I wasn't going to sugarcoat it. Actually, there was times where I thought about removing stuff. And I was like, No, I mean, it is what it is, this is life. And if I'm going to be honest and put a story down, then I don't want anyone to look at it and be like, Oh, why is she making herself out to be so wonderful that that tramp broke my heart like I get it. So i i The only things that I a lot of people have given I've gotten so much great feedback about the book and how relationships you know, help to foster my my sanity over the years, but really, when it comes specifically to relationships, I will be totally honest with you only two pieces of feedback come to mind number one back in July when it first published one of my battle buddies who who I wasn't really good friends with on the deployment because she was actually like, she was higher up she was like head of the talk, you know, like she was the the main communication person and I was just some chump 19 year old you know, so like, I didn't really have much communication with her other than like, admin type things. She reached out to me in July and just rocked my world with her feedback just talking about how she had been really struggling through some stuff and and after reading my books, like she could totally relate she was having the same issues and just was kind of blaming it all on everything else whether it was them or herself and then she came to the realization that like that it's okay and identify that like I'm trying to think of what she said but like being able to use that struggle to to move on and she just basically said that she realized that she was you know coping or as with relationships and stuff like that. So and she says that my my book changed her life and actually over the last year, her life has changed dramatically. And she has since like, left a very very very unhealthy relationship stepped into a completely different life where now she has confidence in herself and she knows that like she's going to be okay and she can she can be the person she knows she is and and now she's dedicating every day to volunteering for a non for profit of veteran organization called matters Ville where they rescue wolf dogs and help build ground to be a self sustainable life. Now, the other piece of feedback that I got recently not as squishy feeling is that one it was a little bit more harsh. But I was on a Again though, I'm not going to sugarcoat this stuff. I could keep this to myself, but I'm not that person. I was on a wounded warriors, woman social group called recently and one of the gals like I don't know all of them very well. I've probably been on that social group like four times in one of the gals was like, oh, Jennifer, you know, I read your book. I told you I was gonna read it. I read your book. I was like, thank you. I kind of knew from that statement that it since it didn't go much further that like, I was
Keith McKeever 35:13
a little afraid to ask what coming or something.
Jennifer Hobbs 35:17
And I was like, how did you I said, Thank you so much for your support. Like, how did you like it? And she was like, you know, I I was I was kinda lost with all your relationships, like, Good God, how'd you get that many boyfriends?
Jennifer Hobbs 35:34
I just kind of giggled, and I was like, yeah,
Jennifer Hobbs 35:39
so you liked it? I don't know. No, like, and she and then I just kind of laughed, and I was like, honestly, like, I don't feel like it was like, okay, yeah, yeah, I did mention quite a few in there. And then a little bit, so she didn't really give me much feedback there. And then a little bit later, she says, you know, but I'm still kind of confused. So you got blown up, you got sent back to the United States. And then he got sent back to Iraq again. And I said, No, no, like, I didn't get blown up. My husband got blown up. And she's like, Oh, that makes more sense. I don't know. I was listening to it on Audible while I was cleaning the house, maybe it's my fault. And so then I was like, Okay. Maybe you missed a few things. And maybe you only caught you know, like boyfriend, a boyfriend, be boyfriend See, whatever. Either way, like, I appreciate the feedback. And honestly, the only way that any of us will become better writers or better realtors or better at anything we do is if you give us the honest to God truth and, and I give it space. So that is that's the only two things as far as relationships that I got back as far as all all the different ones I highlighted. God, it sounds so terrible, saying it out loud. But if you're listening to this, and you're watching this, it's not that I talk all about, you know, like being a husky and having boyfriends like I just talk about trying to cope with building a relationship with people, but I had never gotten over old Mr. Hobbs, you know, like, I kept trying to cover a wound with a bandaid and, and finally, when I realized that I needed to rip it off and not use duct tape, then it was then that I stopped talking about other relationships that
Keith McKeever 37:35
you kind of have to go back and give some of that backstory. And it gave a little bit of your husband's backstory, too. I mean, it's, it's two perspectives. Two people's lives intertwine for a very short period of your lives together. And, you know, you're 18 years later, there's still more chapters in the book to be written. So really, but yeah, you know, I can see that really on the feedback on the on the audio. If you got, if you get busy and you start listening to it, you may lose the fact that it's right perspectives, and you may be getting to the stories confused?
Jennifer Hobbs 38:08
Yes. And I actually I just reached out to the company who are like I did my I submitted my audio book, and I asked them, can I add a track at the beginning that says, This is a dual memoir, some of the chapters are told by Hobbs, some of them? And they said I could, so I'm gonna go add a track in there because I know like, because it doesn't say that. If you're not paying close attention, or if you're not holding the book in your hand, you may not catch that. Jen, is the chapter sold by my perspective, whereas Hobbs are the chapters told, from my husband's perspective.
Keith McKeever 38:45
So interesting to think of things to think about, because it could be that way, too, if you have a, there's another author out there that was maybe writing a book about multiple people's perspectives, have an incident, the audiobook may lose some of that translation, if you don't have that soundbite in the beginning, or maybe in the beginning of the chapter, if it's like 10 or 15 people stories, you might want to put that in there. So
Jennifer Hobbs 39:07
like, like wonder, Oh, I love this book. And it has like eight different perspectives. And it probably is a good thing to just give that little heads up at the beginning. So people can
Keith McKeever 39:18
try especially if you're new to it, where you can can associate it with with seen it. So but yeah, so it's an interesting book, and I can't wait to see what you haven't booked to, you know about that, that ripple effect and coming home, because that's gonna be really, really interesting to read,
Jennifer Hobbs 39:34
as well. You know, so what I really wanted for Book Two was I wanted to be able to highlight that ripple effect in the war at home. And as I, as I looked at the pages and pages that I had row I, I was like, oh, man, so this is more of my perspective of the war at home and I want to talk to a lot more people and do a lot more research. And so Then I realized like, the war at home is not ready for Book Two, like I need more time to research and more time to talk to people, people, not even on my unit, not even in my unit. And so Book Two is really just the war at home only from my perspective, and it will be called, I'm still working on my subtitle, I think I know what it's going to be, but the main title will be triggered. Which I think we can all relate to.
Keith McKeever 40:33
Yep, I can see that kind of logical fit, triggered by the pink dress. So your your podcast, celebrate your struggle? Is that part of getting those other stories for you?
Jennifer Hobbs 40:45
Yes, it is. Definitely, it was definitely one of the purposes of starting. However, I also don't want to only limit it to veterans and their families. So like, recently, I had a gal on there that has cerebral palsy. And she pre pro she has a Lin Gracia that she pre programmed her answers into. And so again, just giving space to show that we all have struggle, it all looks completely different. Let's give it its space and and show our perseverance and resiliency through it. And so for stories like hers, or people who have fought cancer, or you know, people living without limbs, or people who are survivors of assault and rape, just anything and everything to talk about, you know, the things that maybe are tiptoed around, or maybe have stigmas around them. But I really haven't gotten too many I have tried to reach out to like people with MST I'm in some groups to try and see if I can help get their stories out, even if it's anonymous, and you know, people just aren't willing yet with that. And that's totally fine. So.
Keith McKeever 42:12
So I think it always be a tough topic to get people to open up about. I've had a couple of guests on here, talk about it. And I tried to be really careful about that, like, really make sure that I've had a conversation with a couple times, like are you comfortable with this? Like, I have them kind of share their story. I try not to pry and ask too many deep questions, because it's because you never know. But I admire the strength of of any woman or man that would come forward. for that. That would be that would be a really tough one.
Jennifer Hobbs 42:48
I have had a couple of guests on that have spoke about it without me asking. And, and that's a good point to make, you know, even if we're not talking about MST and for those of you that don't know what that is, that's military, sexual trauma, but even just having other people on here that are talking about Iraq or something else, you know, you don't really ask too many questions, because you don't want them to get uncomfortable. It's really just letting them be comfortable to share whatever they want to, I had a wife on recently, a wife of one of my battle buddies, I really wanted to have her on because after I had him on, I was like, man, your wife sounds pretty awesome. I need to get her on here and share her perspective. And then it turned out that like she had struggled for years with an eating disorder to the point to where she was about to have a heart attack. And so just all these different conversations, like speaking them out loud, it's going to help somebody and I'm, I'm that's why I wanted to give space to celebrate the struggle to do that.
Keith McKeever 43:59
It'll definitely help some people. I mean, even your book helped somebody, right, somebody that you knew, you know, I, my podcast, I always had those thoughts and like, I don't know who's gonna help, when and where, and in what ways, you know, but I've, I've been approached by some people that are quite literally right here in my own backyard that have benefited by some of the episodes, spouses and veterans. So it's pretty cool to know, you know, it really can be played anywhere around the world on any kind of device. And yet in your own backyard, you know, you're affecting people's lives in a positive way. So I got no doubt let especially the ones episodes of yours that I've listened to a lot of fascinating stories, and I think it's it's, it's powerful for people to hear those because I don't necessarily always go this deep, but I do appreciate those ones where, where people really open up and get kind of deep and vulnerable on things, because that's where people relate to It's those emotions that feel so.
Jennifer Hobbs 45:04
Exactly. And when you're authentic and vulnerable like that, when people are able to relate to it, and it's then that we can we can help them. If that's what they're there for, you know, if they're just there to hear some great radio, some great conversations and learn stuff. And that that's, that's the mission to, you know, for people to learn becoming.
Keith McKeever 45:29
Yeah, it's definitely a great platform for you to, to start having some conversations with other veterans and figure out what people's struggles are and help you write that other book. Yeah. Help people in other ways. So can't wait to can't wait to read book two, and three, anywhere else you got in the future. Right. Right. Maybe that's how you get Book Three done. Maybe I'll have book one done. Who knows? It's a slow, very slow process.
Jennifer Hobbs 45:56
I hear Yeah. And so I try and read like three at a time. It's ridiculous.
Keith McKeever 46:02
No, I never do that. I try it. Just one.
Jennifer Hobbs 46:05
Well, it depends on what mood I'm in. Like, I'm reading one for research. I'm reading one for pleasure. And then I have one on Audible for when I'm in the car.
Keith McKeever 46:13
Okay, it makes sense. Yeah. I mean, yeah, for me, it's usually just one at a time, I just gotta pick a topic and I, I like Audible. That's like, that's, that's my way to go about things because I'm on the road a lot. Down or mowing the lawn, which we'll start that season here real soon and extend it. Hey, you know, it takes me about an hour so I can get through one or two podcasts episodes of different people. So it's great, great time to do it. Listen to it, because great multitasking. That it is. So once again, Jennifer, I appreciate you stopping by and sharing about your book and your podcast. And I'll say if anybody out there has a story that that you maybe want to tell on her podcast or mind reach out to us all your content, Jennifer's contact information will be in the show notes and reach out and see what we can do.
Jennifer Hobbs 47:01
Please do and thank you so much for having me on here. Keep up the good work. And everyone makes sure that you subscribe to battle buddy podcast.
Keith McKeever 47:10
Well, thank you just took the words right out of my out of my back. Don't forget to subscribe and follow both of us for both of us. Absolutely. So I appreciate you stopping by Jennifer.
Jennifer Hobbs 47:22
Thanks for having me. Keith, you have a fabulous battle
Keith McKeever 47:32
Alright folks, don't forget to check out our website battle buddy podcast dotnet for all sorts of resources. And if you're struggling, there's a national suicide hotline number is 800-273-8255 or you can text 838255
